Back to Stardust
by mcmachine
Summary: Global warming melted the permafrost, unleashing viruses that had been dormant and forgotten by humanity for years. The Earth we know is gone. Most people are gone, too. Jackson and April meet at the end of the world.
1. Chapter 1

_**JACKSON**_

It had been slow, and then fast.

We had been warned.

Research scientists had been the first to find out about it. The information had gone public – Al Gore and his famous comments and writings about global warming, the Nobel Peace Prize that he had received. It had been blown off by so many at first. Congressional hearings on climate change, views picked up by the Democratic party, even the U.N. had pushed for the Kyoto Protocol. Yet things had continued to worsen. The ice caps had shrunk, sea levels had continued to rise, and things had hit the point of no return like a slap in the face.

The first case, as far as I was aware, happened in Russia. The melting ice had released an anthrax virus that had been dormant for years, held in the carcass of deer and reentering the environment once it had been exposed again. Dozens had been in the hospital. A kid had died. Pulmonary anthrax was deadly in most cases. Dermal contact wasn't nearly as bad. It was luck that it hadn't been worse.

Russia and the Soviet Union had a history with anthrax – in the late twentieth century primarily. Most of it, I don't remember the details of anymore. I can't look it up like I would have in the past.

Despite the spread of that deadly bacteria, the story had been rather covered up. It's hard to say whether it was because of the politics of the area, interests aligned elsewhere, but the story hadn't been as big as it should have.

NPR had reported it, even though it had ended up brushed off and forgotten after a few weeks. It had been blamed as a result of thawing permafrost, correctly so. Permafrost was thick and much of it, all across the world, had been there for centuries. Climate change had caused the temperature in the Arctic Circle to rise quickly. All of the people and animals that had been buried inside of the permafrost had held viruses and bacteria that we hadn't seen for years – that we hadn't known about, or been able to vaccinate against. Anti- or pro-vaccination didn't matter anymore. We were all vulnerable.

It had been the first of many.

Smallpox. Cholera. H5N1. The bubonic plague. The pneumonic plague. Bolivian hemorrhagic fever. All of it had come back, slapped on with antibiotic-resistant superbugs. It had all been the perfect disaster.

The coldest parts of the world had been hit hardest, at first – but it was the twenty-first century and how connected the rest of the world was made it all too easy for the diseases to spread. Soon it didn't matter whether it was Siberia or Australia. Something was there. Only the most isolated parts and communities were left untouched, but that was an assumption. I'd never know. No one would.

Of course, they weren't the only ones still alive. I was. But I was alone. Not the last human on Earth, surely, I'd come across others. We all fought for the same thing: survival.

Being alone during a time like this was hard. I didn't know everything. But it was also a safety mechanism. If I avoided people, then I avoided the diseases and bugs that they could have carried with them. It was a cost-analysis decision. Either decision could be right.

I'd never been a boy scout growing up, and now, I regretted it. A few of those skills would have come in handy. Building a fire wasn't so bad. I'd picked up a few things from television and a few others along the way, and I'd made it this far. I had a good immune system. Working in the hospital for years had allowed me that much. Good enough, apparently, that it had managed to keep me alive for this long. All I could do was keep my fingers crossed that it wouldn't fail me now.

Most grocery stores didn't have a lot left. Most produce couldn't be trusted anymore. I'd gotten good at growing tomatoes – but not much else.

Still, I had to try and see if there was anything there. Canned beans, pasta, soup, water chestnuts, peas. Beggars can't be choosers, and we were all beggars now. If it wasn't perishable, then it could be eaten. If it was sealed tightly, of course, was another thing to consider. Sodium and preservatives had sounded awful. Now, they kept us alive.

"Hey!" I barked out, seeing movement in the corner of my eye.

A flash of red hair had caught my attention, just bright enough that it managed to stick out despite the darkness. My hand moved to the handgun tucked into my waistband, moving down the aisle quickly to try and find whoever it was.

"Drop it." A woman's voice said.

Turning my head, the double barrel of a shotgun was pointed at my shoulders. The same woman that I had seen was standing there, messy red hair and all. A surgical mask covered the lower half of her face. She was one step ahead of me.

"Alright, alright," I complied, giving a slight bend of my knees and dropping the gun on the ground before turning toward her with both hands up. "I don't mean any harm."

"Are you sick?" She asked quickly. I shook my head. "Are you alone?"

"Yeah, yeah I am."

The woman stared at me for a moment, brow furrowed together as she made her decision. She took a step back away from me and lowered her gun slightly, pointing it about halfway down my body. No one wanted to get too close to anyone anymore, no less a stranger. But I understand why she'd approached. For too many things, healing was no longer an option. It was a hard thing to have to understand as a doctor. I hadn't wanted to give up, but I had. It hadn't been a choice, not really.

"Are you?" I turned the question back around on her.

"Yes." She took another step back. "My name's April."

"Jackson Avery," I replied, giving her half of a smile. I know that there's little point in getting to know people, but it's hard to be alone, really. I missed people.

"You're looking for food?" April asked. I nodded. "This place is pretty much empty. I've been coming here, taking a little here and there, for the past few weeks. I haven't seen anyone else here before, though." She explained, eyeing me still with a hint of suspicion. No matter what people said, you could never be too careful now. I knew that.

"I'm passing through right now." The last place I stayed had no longer been an option. A group had come through, and one of them had ended up catching something. I'd gotten out of there as soon as possible. "Not looking for any trouble."

"There's not any to find around here." She murmured. "If you need a place to stay for the night, I have a farm. Food, water. Bed. But I'm a doctor. I'll need to look at you first, make sure you're honest."

Small world. "You're a doctor?" I questioned, brows raising up.

"Yeah, why?" She answered.

"So am I," I said.

"Huh," April replied, pulling down her mask so that I could see her lips. She looked healthy, by all accounts. As healthy as anyone could be now. Her lips were a little chapped and her face was covered in freckles. She was pretty, almost in an ordinary looking way. The kind of person I could have worked with, probably. "You understand I still have to if you want to stay with me, right? I can't just go off your word."

"Yeah, I get it." I nodded. "You really have a farm set up like that?" I asked.

"Yep." She shrugged slightly. "It was my family's, back before… everything happened. Pigs, chickens, corn and other vegetables. Set outside the city. A big piece of property, no neighbors for miles. I was so eager to get out of there when I was young, and now I'm right back where I started."

Was her family. Well, that answered that. I wouldn't push. I knew how much it hurt – even if it had only been me and my mom growing up, without her, things felt different. It was hard to think about.

"I'm sorry," I murmured. "If you're willing, I could use a place to crash for the night." I hadn't slept in a real bed in a few weeks now. A roof over my bed would be a nice change of pace.

"You know how to ride a bike?" She questioned.

"Yeah, of course. Who doesn't?"

With April sitting on the handlebars of her bicycle, I petalled us both in the direction of the farm. It was a few miles away, I could tell, but at least she didn't add a lot of weight to the bike. It had been a long time since I had ridden one, though, and I could feel it when I stopped and got off.

"This is it?" I asked, looking at the house. It looked normal – a little worn down, sure, but everywhere was. It looked good compared to some of the places that I'd seen lately.

"Yeah," she nodded, walking up to the front porch and heading inside.

"Looks pretty nice." I complimented.

"Thanks," April glanced back at me with a smile. "Turns out there's not a lot to do with the whole end of humanity thing, so I've been trying to do a little upkeep. Passes time, gives me something to do so I don't feel like I'm going completely insane."

I followed her inside, nodding. "Makes sense."

"How long have you been on the road?" She asked.

"A couple of weeks now." I answered. "I had a decent set up in Montana. Figured since it was isolated, it was the place to be. So did a group of others. They came through and brought something with them, so I hightailed it out of there. Thought maybe that if I could make it to the Great Lakes, I could get some luck there – some isolation, fresh water and fish."

"Not a bad plan," she commented, pulling out a chair and motioning for me to sit. "I've been here since it happened. My parents got sick. I flew home, and I never left again."

I fell quiet for a moment as she gave a general examination, feeling for fever, examining my ears, throat, nose, and mouth. I knew that I was healthy. I got a little obsessive with checking myself out and making sure of it. I didn't want to die. Even if this wasn't really living, being alive was better than the alternative.

"Do you believe me now?" I asked when she pulled away and took off her gloves.

"Yeah," April answered, sitting down at the table next to me. "I haven't talked to anyone in a long time. I was kind of surprised to see you, but… glad, in a weird way." She confessed.

"I know what you mean." I nodded. "It gets pretty lonely being out there." You get desperate.

"It does," she agreed, biting at her lower lip and looking down at her hands for a moment. "I was shy growing up, but I got real social by the time I was done with medical school and in my internship. I feel like I wasted a lot of years not taking advantage of the people I was around. Scared of them. Now, all I want is to be around people again. I miss them so much. Getting annoyed in traffic, whiny and stupidly stubborn patients… I miss all of it."

The real honesty was refreshing. "I do too," I agreed. "It sucks, being like this. Of all the things to take us out… I never really thought it'd be this, you know? I figured it'd be past my life time, too. Feels pretty stupid, looking back."

"It does," she nodded. "But I thought the exact same thing. Sure, I recycled, I drove a car with good gas mileage. I shopped local. And yet none of that really ended up mattering."

"Yeah. I mean, one person can't make a difference. Not on that kind of scale, at least. I'm sure that the local vendors appreciated it, but… those of us that are left, we're all in the same place." I agreed. "Where are you from?"

"Chicago. What about you?"

"Seattle."

Her eyebrows rose. "Wow, you really are a long way from home. How long have you been on your own?"

"Since it started, pretty much." I shrugged. "I was single and living in the city. Good immune system. Had a family cabin out in Montana, headed out there to lay low once I realized that it wasn't just going to blow over on its own accord. What about you?"

"I've been alone since the beginning too," April smiled sadly. "I thought that maybe my sisters would come here, bring out their family. But once it got really bad, I didn't hear from them. It's not like I can just… send a text or Facebook message like old times. I wish."

"You never know," I offered up with a slight smile.

"Yeah," she agreed, chewing at her lower lip. "Do you want food? It's a gas stove, fortunately. I have some chili that I made last night."

"That sounds great." I grinned.

April bounced up to her feet to get the chili that she was talking about. I felt weird just sitting there and letting her take care of things. I'd been the only person around for awhile, I hadn't been able to relax for a moment when it came to my own survival. Sure, it had been like that before, more or less. I'd been an adult and single, I had taken care of myself. But there had been restaurants, delivery, fast food. The entire service industry. Now, nothing. Yet I was getting served.

"I hope it's okay," she murmured when she brought the bowl and a spoon over to me, setting it down on the kitchen. "I'll grab you some water, too. We've got a well out back. I can show you later."

Once she had gotten water for the both of us, we sit and eat. It's better than anything I had eaten in awhile, honestly. And all food was better when it was shared with some company.

"You can stay as long as you want, you know." She looked up at me, wetting her lips. "It'd be nice to have some company around here."

"Are you sure?" I asked. "I don't want to be a burden."

"Oh, I didn't say you would be staying for free," April laughed. "Trust me, I can definitely put you to work around this place. There are a few things that I've been wanting to do that I'm not quite strong enough to get done on my own."

"Thank you." I smiled at her.

As a sign of good faith, I grab her dish from her and clean both of ours. I don't know what all she had in mind, but I could use a little time to stop traveling, to figure out what I was going to do next. Even if I'd had a plan, this was a little hitch in it. I'd forgotten just how nice it was to be around someone, to have real company, real conversation. I wanted that. I craved that.

"Is there anything that I can do for you right now?" I asked her once I was done.

"No, I don't think so," April shook her head. "It's going to be dark soon. I can show you around the extent of the land in the morning, let you get a feel for it all. It's a nice place to be."

"Okay," I took a deep breath, rubbing the back of my head.

"Why don't I show you to your room?" She suggested.

"Sure." I agreed.

April led me upstairs, pointing out her own bedroom and the bathroom as she did. There wasn't running water anymore, even out here, but she said that she kept her first aid kit and other medical supplies in there. The room to what would temporarily be my bedroom was the last door on the right.

It was a small room, a dresser, and the bed made up neatly. It looked like something that you would have seen out of some kind of Southern Living magazine. Still kept clean, no doubt because of her.

"It's nice, thank you." I turned to her, setting my backpack down on the dresser.

"Don't worry about it," she brushed off with a shrug. "Like I said, it'll be nice to have someone else around."

April lingered in the doorway of the room, staring at me and chewing at her lower lip. I looked back at her, taking a deep breath through my nose. It was nice to be around someone. I found myself staring at her lips, the way the bottom was caught between her teeth. I didn't mean to stare at her or her lips quite so directly, but it had been a long time since I had been around anyone, let alone an attractive woman.

"Are you, uh, sure there's nothing else I could do for you?" I asked, wetting my own lips.

"Uh…" she trailed off.

I knew what I wanted, and it seemed like she wanted it too.

Our lips crashed together the moment that I stepped toward her, bending down my neck to meet her. My hands fell to her hips and I pulled them flush against mine. She's warm and soft, curves meeting my edges. Even just having her pulled against my front side felt too good. I hadn't kissed or held someone in months. It was easy to assume that the same was true for her.

She pushed me backward without our lips separating from each other, her arms wrapping around my neck. My hands go to he thighs and I picked her up with ease, turning her around so that I could lower the both of us onto her bed.

Absolute desperation filled the both of us. Her hands tore at my shirt and it didn't take her long for her to get it off my head. I followed her lead, pushing it up though not moving enough to remove it from her completely. She was pale and freckled absolutely everywhere but still toned, no doubt from the farm work that she had been doing out here. One hand held myself up for balance and the other slipped beneath her sports bra, cupping her breast and thumbing the nipple.

"Shit–" April swore, hips rolling up into mine.

Just enough to let me know it had been quite some time for her, too. Explained it all.

"Fuck," I swore into her neck when her hand grabbed the outline of my cock, my hips canting forward into her touch and rolling against her. I was getting too needy for her.

"I know," she groaned out.

I shifted back and up, just enough that I could pull her pants and underwear off in the same motion. She kicked them away from her ankles and I resumed my position, pushing open her legs with a knee. I could already see that she was glistening with desire, matching how hard I was.

April moaned as I made contact with her core, middle finger immediately seeking out and finding that nub that I knew would send her spinning out. I knew that I wasn't going to last long once I was inside of her. The least I could do was make sure that she came before that.

With quick circles and a moderate amount of pressure, it doesn't take long. She squirmed and moaned, swearing just about every curse word I'd heard in the English language, fisting the sheets and arching her back. When she does finally hit her release, she cried out loudly and jerked against the mattress, her thighs clamped around my wrist to keep my hand exactly where it was.

"God, you're beautiful." I complimented before leaning down to kiss her, hard and messy.

"I want you." She whined.

No hesitation, I pushed down my jeans and boxers, kicking them away. Two fingers get pushed inside of her, making sure that she's wet enough. They go back to her clit before I moved inside of her, a low and loud groan escaping from me. She felt amazing. I was already ready to blow a load inside of her, even if I knew that was a bad idea.

"Shit, you feel so good." My mouth found her neck again as I moved my hips in and out of her, burying it there to mark up her neck. It didn't matter – no one else was going to see but me.

"So do you." April grabbed onto my ass, her nails digging into the skin. I don't care about the pain.

Most moans don't get drowned out despite the way that we clung onto each other and buried our faces into one another. Literally the end of the world, and right now, we were the only other person that had someone to hold onto. It was a connection that had been lacking for far too long. It didn't matter if we didn't really know each other beyond the surface – when it came to the end of times, it was no longer about the romance or knowing every little detail. Any connection, anyone to hold onto, that was worth something.

"Shit, I'm gonna cum." It was too much to hold back any more.

After April nodded, I pulled out. She wrapped her hand around my cock, jerking me off so that my release hits her stomach. I grunted, barely able to hold up my weight but not wanting to crush her. I rolled over, landing on my back.

"I'm gonna go get cleaned up." She murmured. I watched her grab her clothes, walking out.

I didn't know what she wanted. I could convince myself easily that it didn't matter – it wasn't likely that I would be here for more than a few days. Maybe being around one person wasn't dangerous, but I still didn't know her. I didn't know what this was going to be, if anything. Nor did I really know how long her offer stood.

Sitting up slowly, I grab my clothes off the floor, folding them and setting them on the nightstand. I pull my boxers back on. It might get cold during the night, but I still try to let my clothes breathe out. I'm mostly used to the smell.

April returned. I'm a little surprised by it, but I'm glad. I pulled down the bed covers for both of us.

"Hey," she murmured. She'd changed into a nightgown.

"Hi." I grinned at her, getting under the sheets. It's a cozy bed.

"You can stay as long as you want to, you know. Strings or no strings. I don't care. It's just nice to be around someone again." April stated as she got into the bed, curling up against me and placing her hand on my chest, right over my heart.

"Strings or no strings, huh?" I questioned. She didn't beat around the bush, that was for sure.

"Don't care," she muttered and barely shrugged. "It's not like either of us are in a position to be picky right now."

"You got a point there." I brushed a strand of hair back away from her face.

We fall asleep laying next to each other. I don't know if it's the bed or having someone else there with me, but I feel secure for the first time since all of this had started. I don't dream, but the paranoia was at least put at ease. When I wake up in the morning with light streaming in the window, I'm wrapped up around her like I've known her and slept with her my entire life. It's a nice feeling.

"Good morning." I greeted, giving her a little shake. It must have been eight or so.

April made a noise, stretching out. I could hear her back popping as she moved, using one arm to sit herself up properly and glance out the window herself.

"Hey," she murmured. "You ready for me to show you around?"

We both get dressed in the same clothes that we had been wearing before, and she showed me around the place. I can't tell how many acres it was, but it was big – plenty of vegetables, more than enough for the two of us, which explained the chili that she had made. She didn't have to eat quite so plainly when she had more than enough to survive out here.

All in all, it was a nice place. Perfect for the current conditions. It was hard to say now whether or not things would get better, if we would be able to rebuild, or if it this was just the first part of the entire planet hitting the boot. No one knew what the future held.

But maybe, just maybe, it looked a little brighter to share it with someone.

"So, what do you think about staying here?" April asked as we headed back inside.

"It's a nice place. I'd like to." I smiled.

And I would like her, too.


	2. Chapter 2

**_APRIL_**

Waking up alone had been normal for most of my life.

I'd never been popular with boys. Growing up, I had been the ugly one of the Kepner sisters – frizzy hair and braces, acne that had taken years and birth control to contain. By the time I had grown out of that in college and medical school, I had been far too focused on my studies to even consider dating seriously. Then when my internship and residency came around, I had been too exhausted to even begin to think about anything other than work. I'd barely served time as a trauma attending before the end of the world had come around.

Even though he doesn't smell particularly delightful, though I'm sure that was more or less true for myself, it was nice to have someone else there waking up with me. Weird and nice. Even though it had felt like I was alone in the world for the past few months, at least I wasn't right now.

H5N1 had been the thing to kill my parents. I was pretty sure that it was bird flu, at least, there had been no way to test it and find out for sure but it had seemed the most likely cause. It was brought by someone in the area, I don't know who – but it had taken out most of the town. I was lucky that I hadn't gotten infected with it myself. It had been hard to watch them die, especially when the respiratory problems had kicked in.

That hadn't been the hardest part, though. The hardest part had been handling their bodies. At that point, it had been obvious what was going on around the world. I'd had to burn them. It wasn't what they wanted – I knew that, but it had been the only option. It still bothered me. It still didn't feel right.

When the pandemic strain of H1N1 came through in 2009, 12,500 Americans died from it. The doses had been too slow. Now, there was no chance of getting doses for anything.

Hope was supposed to be gone. There was no way of knowing who all was left.

I hated that, though. I didn't want to let go. I believed in God. It was hard to reconcile my beliefs with everything that had happened now, but I'd always been a believer in the fact that faith was about holding on when it got hard, not just sticking around for the easy parts.

But the house was still decorated just as my parents had it. There were pictures of our childhood and crosses hanging on the walls. Their wedding photo was still there. I wanted just a little something to remain constant.

Having Jackson here was at least one thing that could be a positive change, perhaps the only thing that I could ask for at this point. I needed the company – desperately, really. No matter how often I spoke out loud to myself, it was never the same or nearly as stimulating as having a conversation with another person. It was a bonus that he was a doctor. He would get some of the same geeky things as I did, I already knew that. He would understand the situation that we were remaining in on a level that most people wouldn't, scientific and personal. I had been dying to talk to someone about all of it, not just strangers passing through about the best ways to prevent sickness.

"So, I don't normally eat breakfast anymore – don't think I burn enough calories most days to justify it anyway," I began to explain. "I usually do an early lunch and light dinner."

"Sounds like you've got it pretty together," Jackson commented with a nod of his head.

"I'm trying to," I shrugged slightly. "Having a routine makes it a little easier to go day by day. Food's not much of a worry, though. Not till winter comes around, at least." I hadn't had to worry about that yet. I'd gotten here just at the end of winter, and now, it was the end of summer. A few more months before that would be a big problem.

"What are the other parts of town around here like?" He asked as he sat down on the couch. I joined him, tucking one of my legs beneath me as I sat.

"Bare," I admitted, taking a deep breath. "Bird flu killed most of the people around here, I think. I burned bodies. I wasn't sure what else to do with them. I was scared of getting infected myself." I was still scared. Living like this was hard, but I didn't want to die.

He took a deep breath and looked around. "What about the stores? Supplies?" His gaze returned to me.

"I take what I need," I started. "But not more than that. There's not much left anymore – not at the grocery store, at least. The pharmacy's not completely bare, neither is the hardware store. But I don't want to hoard it all, in case other people pass through."

"Well, there's two of us here now," Jackson said. "I think we should take inventory, maybe hit it up. I have a few things with me, but I was running low on most everything."

"Sure, okay." I agreed.

There was a decent amount to go through in the kitchen, fortunately. It made me feel good about inviting him here, showing him that I could provide what I had offered. Other items aren't quite as plentiful. I tried to be sparring with toothpaste, deodorant, all items that had once been considered essential for day-to-day. A few more batteries would be good to have around as well. My contacts were still a decent prescription but it was occasionally hard to see at night. I tried to avoid being up too much past dark, but that would get more difficult in the coming months as the days became shorter.

Transportation for me was pretty minimal. I still had my car with a full tank of gas, but I didn't want to use it unless it was absolutely necessary. Biking a few miles to the main part of town wasn't so bad as long as it was during a decent part of the day. The weather wasn't terrible today. Clouds loomed over the sky, threatening a storm for later.

"Do you want to go into town and get it today? I have another bike." Five bikes, actually, all from when we had been kids. Everyone but my mom had one. It was a good thing they had been too sentimental to get rid of them.

"Sure," Jackson agreed with a nod. "If we find any deodorant, I'd like to shower when we come back if that's alright. It's been awhile since I've done much more than wash my hands and face."

"Of course." I murmured.

I headed back to the barn, bringing my father's bike around to the porch. My father hadn't been a tall man, but it was the closest one that would work for Jackson. All of the Kepners were rather short in stature.

"Here, this one might be a little better for you. I don't think the seat adjusts but it's a little taller."

Both of us carrying mostly empty backpacks on our back, along with a shotgun strapped over me, we make the ride to the main road of town quietly. I'm used to it but I take it a little slow just in case it's harder for him to keep up with me, but it doesn't take that long to get there. The roads are completely empty. A little more unkempt than before, grass growing over along the side, but it doesn't matter where we ride on the road when its empty of cars.

Pulling to the stop in front of the pharmacy, I dismounted my bike and leaned it against the telephone pole outside of the store. "My parents used to be best friends with the owners," I remarked, unable to help the fond smile that played at my lips with the memories. "I went to prom with their son, actually."

"Oh yeah?" Jackson questioned, glancing over at me with raised eyebrows once he had gotten off his bike. "So this really was one of those cliche small towns? Everyone knows everyone?"

"Absolutely," I nodded. "It's a love-hate thing."

"I can't imagine," he admitted. "I grew up in Boston. My mom and grandfather were pretty well-known, but a city like that is all-out the secrets there."

"That, I can't imagine," I shook my head, pulling open the squeaky front door and motioning him in.

We fall quiet for a moment to walk around the edges of the store and make sure that there's no one else here. It so rarely happens to be the case – once a month, at most, and after finding Jackson here the day before I don't expect anyone else to be here. But it's important to stay on edge, just in case there was someone sick. Health was a luxury that we had to cling onto desperately to stay alive.

When we were both satisfied that it was empty, weapons were put away and we slung our backpacks around to the front side, making it easier to toss in whatever remained of the supplies there.

Most were gone. I grabbed shampoo and conditioner, body wash and lotion. The latter was certainly a luxury, but still around because no one had thought to grab it. It was a good replacement for body wash on days where a full shower wasn't in the option. Jackson commented out when he found razors and deodorants, presumably getting enough to last awhile.

Pads and tampons were gone. I'd found a cup that I used instead. A little messier and quite a bit more uncomfortable to put in and take out, but it was washable and reusable. There's no more Midol or Advil placed out front, and I don't want to mess with anything behind the pharmacy counter.

"Hey, look what I found!" Jackson called out.

I looked up, bursting out with laughter when I realized he was holding a box of condoms.

God, it had been a long time since I'd really laughed.

"I see that you're very focused on the necessary items." I grinned.

"I'm just saying, they might come in handy." Another sparkling smile was thrown my way before he dropped the box inside of his backpack. I shook my head, but my own grin didn't fade away.

There's mouthwash but no toothpaste. Next time that I needed some, I'd have to start going through houses. I'd avoided doing that except for at the very beginning, trying to figure out who was still around and who wasn't. Coming across the bodies of people that had played roles in my childhood had been shocking, to say the least. Being alone so much meant I had too much time to think about everything I had seen. Maybe that would change now.

"You don't see any toothpaste anywhere, do you?" I asked, grabbing the mouthwash.

"Nope." He called back.

I sighed, moving through the aisles that I had already checked once. There's not a lot to see left on them – expired candy, old makeup, a few scattered magazines here and there. If the town had been any bigger, I was sure all of it would have been gone.

"I'm going to go check the backroom. Do you wanna see if there's anything in the pharmacy?" I suggested.

"Sure," Jackson agreed easily.

A faded sign indicated to employees only in one of the backrooms, and I pushed past the door. It made a loud squeak as I entered before slamming shut behind me again. It was darker in here, some daylight managing to stream in through some of the windows. It's enough to see, fortunately. I don't want to use a flashlight if I don't have to. Maybe I was overly cautious, but I was here for the long run.

There's no toothpaste to be found back here, but I do find a package of 8 double A batteries halfway under a shelf that must have gotten missed by whoever had been here last. It would do for now. A half-empty container of bleach, too. I moved around the items in my bag, screwing it tightly shut before putting it inside. Bleach was always good to have around.

Flat soda and hair dye seemed to be most of what remained. There's a package of tissues that I grab. I don't have room in my bag with the bleach, but maybe we could squeeze it in Jackson's.

"Did you find anything good?" I asked after shoving the door open again.

"Depends on your definition of good," Jackson answered.

"What's that mean?" I snorted.

"Well, if you want to get doped up, we can." He chuckled. "Or if you go into menopause any time soon, there's some stuff for that, too. But not a whole lot. I grabbed what was left of the antibiotics. Not sure if there's anything else we could get use out of."

It's hard to say, given most of what was out there and killing people didn't have cures or vaccines that were easy to find. I had gotten my flu shot about a year ago, had all of the other vaccinations that were standard, but who knew what would and wouldn't be useful. But I guess if I somehow came down with strep throat, we would be covered.

"That's fine," I nodded. "Do you have room in your bag for tissues?" I asked.

"Tissues?" He questioned.

"Yeah. Doubles as toilet paper or for period emergencies or cleaning up messes, you know. It's not all about a runny nose." I pointed out.

We met in the middle of the store and both squatted down, shifting and moving around things in the backpacks to make sure that everything would fit inside of them. It should be enough. If it was just me on my own, I wouldn't have gotten quite so much, but taking in company meant that I would need more. I didn't want to run him away and I hoped that he felt the same.

The sound of clattering outside caught my attention and I jerked my head up, expecting to see someone else there. No one was.

I glanced over at Jackson out of my peripherals and realized that he was standing up, too. Taking a deep breath, I grab my shotgun off of my back and zip up my bag quickly, putting it on my back. Keeping it pointed at the ground, I take a few slow steps toward the front of the store. Jackson was right on my heels.

My bike was no longer leaning against the telephone pole, instead, laying on the ground. That explained the noise. Glancing behind me to make sure that he was still there, I pushed open the door, looking in both directions quickly. There was no one there.

"It must have been the wind," I murmured, letting out a sigh.

"April, it's not windy." Jackson pointed out.

He was right. "I'm gonna go this way," I tilted my head to the right. "Meet me on the other side of the building?" Eyebrows raised, waiting for his confirmation before moving.

Slowly creeping around the corner, I take a deep breath before jerking around in expectation of someone to be there. There's no one. I pause and listen for a moment to see if Jackson had different luck and when I hear nothing, I continue forward along the length of the building, keeping my eyes peeled. It could have been anything. Maybe one gust of wind. An animal that the noise had scared into running off. Paranoia was always a possibility.

Reaching the end of the wall, when I jerk around, the only other person there is Jackson. We both tense before relaxing at the realization that it was only us there. I wet my lips and looked around once more before forcing myself to relax again. It must have been nothing.

"Huh," I muttered.

"You still think it was the wind?" Jackson asked, looking down at me.

"I don't know," I admitted with a slight shrug of my shoulder. "Might've been an animal and the noise scared it off. Lots of rabbits and whatnot." I offered, chewing at my lower lip.

"Possible." He gave another glance around. "Maybe a sign we should get headed back."

"Yeah, maybe." I agreed.

Together we walked back around to the front, and I could tell that Jackson was being just as paranoid about this as I was. New people didn't have to be a threat. He hadn't been one. But it was impossible to know ahead of time whether or not the person was going to be a friend or foe.

No one else popped out and I tried to force myself to be relaxed, but I couldn't get rid of the feeling that the two of us were being watched. He didn't say anything about it and I tried to get rid of the worry, but the hairs on my neck were determined to remain raised no matter what. One more long look around was given before we both got on the bikes and began pedaling back to the farm. Even if I'm decent on a bike, it is harder to constantly look over my shoulder. Maybe a good thing.

When we arrive back, I finally let myself unwind. The farm was a little way off of the beaten path, it had a long driveway that was now overgrown – the only part that I really hadn't tried to maintain, so it wasn't obvious that I was here.

"Let me show you how I have everything set up." I murmured after the bikes were put up in the barn.

Currently used items go in my bathroom. I'd kept with the second biggest in the house, the one that had been Libby and mine to share growing up. Intruding in my parent's space didn't feel right yet. Instead, the items to be used get stored in there, trying to keep everything separate and not let anything go bad by having it opened up too long. What doesn't make sense to keep in the bathroom went into the bedroom. So far, the system worked well.

It doesn't take long to get everywhere placed where it should be. The stock of everything looked quite a bit better than it had before. Two people carrying back stuff was much easier than one.

We cook rice for lunch and scarf it down, more of an appetite built up after biking to and from. There's beef jerky, too – not much left of it. Most of it was expiring soon.

"Is now a good time for a shower?" Jackson asked.

"Yeah, sure." Dishes were done and away. The storm was still coming in judging from the darkness in the clouds, which meant that I didn't need to water the vegetable garden today.

I followed him upstairs out of habit, getting a towel I knew for sure that I hadn't used since it had been hung out to dry. I'm hovering perhaps a little too much, but I feel weird having a stranger in my home and not lurking around. He seemed good. My gut told me that much and I trusted my gut. There's also the matter of the undeniable attraction.

Jackson stripped out of his shirt, pausing as he reached for his jeans. "Are you going to join me?"

"If you want me to," I shrugged my shoulders, trying to muster up some innocence.

His mouth is firm when he bent down toward me, stretching up on my those to make it a little easier to meet him. He's a little salty taking and I'm sure I'm the same, just more indication that we both definitely needed to get in the shower.

"That's a yes." Jackson grinned at me when he finally pulled away.

"I figured," I chuckled, stripping out of the rest of my clothes.

Turning on the faucet, the water sputtered for only a moment before beginning to pour out. "I've been meaning to fix that," I commented, feeling the temperature of the water. It's not freezing cold but it's not pleasantly warm, either. It would be fine.

With our clothes in a slightly straightened pile on the floor, the two of us stepped in the shower, alternating who was under the stream for a moment so we could actually get somewhat clean on top of everything else. Once my hair is darker and heavy against my shoulders, washed thoroughly, I feel his hand grab onto my hips and pull me back against him. His erection was pressed right into the curve of my ass.

"You're still soft," Jackson muttered, lips on the curve of my neck. His hand slipped down my front, through the curls that hadn't been maintained in a long time now, his middle finger finding my clit and rubbing delicious circles against it.

"That feels good," I groaned out, pushing my ass back against him.

"I know." His words were cocky as ever.

I reached back and slipped my hand between us, wrapping around his cock and stroking it. The angle is awkward but I don't care. I've never had shower sex before. It's the end of the world. There are too many things that I haven't done and I want to. This was just one of them.

Placing him between my thighs, his hips thrust forward, one hand grabbing onto my hip. He doesn't hesitate to push inside of me and I cried out loudly, leaning forward and placing my hand on the wall for support, fingertips pressing in hard to try and negate the fact that everything was slippery. His mouth practically vibrated against the curve of my neck with the moans that left his lips, quiet but not erased entirely.

Once we both nearly slip, Jackson managing to catch onto the soap dish and keeping me from going down. It's too easy to laugh off and keep going.

I cum before he does predictably, crying out loudly and barely able to keep myself upright as the waves of the orgasm crash through me and every muscle in my body tenses and simultaneously relax again. He gave a few more thrusts inside me before pulling out and I can feel the warmth of his cum splatter against the inside of my thighs.

"I've never done that before," I admitted breathlessly, turning back to face him.

"Really?" He grinned and chuckled. "Not as easy as people make it sound, huh?"

"Not at all." I agreed.

Both of us washed up with soap quickly before getting out and turning off the faucet. It was more water than I usually used in a shower, of course – more than either of us would have on our own, I was sure. Showering every day was no longer a luxury, and this just meant to be me it would have to be pushed off one more day before the expense was used.

We dry off quickly and I hang up the towels on the rack, knowing that they won't dry there. But with the shower off, I can hear that the storm has started to roll in. Rain pattered against the rooftop. It wasn't too hard yet, but based on how heavy the clouds in the sky had been on our way back to the farm, it wouldn't be long before it became stronger. I didn't doubt that it would be accompanied by a ruckus of thunder and lightning as well.

"Do you have clean clothes? If not, I've got some you can wear. I'm not sure how they'll fit but they're clean." I offered up, glancing back at him as I headed to my bedroom.

"Uh, no, that'd be good." He answered.

"Give me just a minute." I dipped into my bedroom and slipped on a pair of underwear before grabbing jeans and a shirt, not wanting to be completely naked even after all of that, and dipping into my parent's closet. I grab a pair of sweatpants and a shirt, figuring it would likely be a better fit than my dad's jeans. "Here you go." I tossed them at him.

I watched him for a moment as he got dressed before wiggling back into my own clothes, braiding back my wet hair and tying it off so it wouldn't be a complete mess by the time it was dry again.

"This really is a pretty nice setup," Jackson commented, settling down on the living room couch once more and squeezing one of the throw pillows there.

"Thanks," I smiled. "It wasn't at the beginning but I didn't have anything else to do, so…" I shrugged. "We can do some laundry tomorrow if the storm has passed by then. I hang it out to dry, otherwise, I would offer to get it done today, but…"

As if I could have timed it any more perfectly, a crack of thunder roared through. I smiled and pointed up at the ceiling.

"But that," Jackson said.

"Yep." I plopped down onto the other end of the couch across from him, one leg tucked beneath me. "So, what kind of doctor were you?" I asked, leaning into the back of the couch.

"A plastic surgeon," he answered.

"Really? No way!" I lit up. "I was a trauma surgeon." Boy, it was a small world sometimes.

"Yeah, I was kind of the family disappointment," he admitted though a chuckle made his words lighter.

"Why's that? Plastic surgery is completely legitimate." I questioned, brows furrowed.

Jackson scratched his back of his head. "My last name – Avery, it's referencing to the Harper Avery's. Named after my grandfather, and all that. My mom always thought that it was kind of a fluff specialty, compared to everything else." He explained.

I stared at him for a moment, blinking a few times. "Wow. An actual Avery. You're like, a unicorn."

"A unicorn?" He laughed earnestly, and I grinned.

"Yeah. You know, unique, one of a kind, whatever. You've got a small family. It's the end of the world and somehow I'm sitting here with medical royalty meanwhile I'm just– a Kepner." I shrugged.

"I'm sure that there's nothing wrong with being a Kepner," Jackson gave me a slight smile. "Seems like your family was a lot more set up for this than mine was."

Oh. "Do you know what happened to your family?" I asked gently.

"No," he answered with a shake of my head. "I mean, my grandfather was old, so I figure something got to him one way or another. I'm not sure about my mom. She's a tough old lady – she could survive just about anything, end of the world included. She still has a good chance of being somewhere out there, I think." Someone else with a little bit of optimism. God, that was nice.

"That's good," I smiled softly. "I like to think that about my sisters, too. I haven't heard from them since any of it went down – but they all have families of their own, you know? So it might have been easier for them to stay where they are instead of coming here." I could hold onto that.

"So you were alone before all of this happened, too?" Jackson asked.

"Sort of, I guess. I was single. I had a roommate but we didn't see a lot of each other given how busy and opposite our work schedules were. Her name was Reed." She'd died near the beginning of it, at work. I was lucky that she hadn't brought it home with her. Things could have turned out differently. "What about you?" I asked him.

"I lived on my own, too. I–"

Another thunderclap interrupted his words and I flinched, giving an apologetic laugh out immediately after. But before he could continue speaking, another crashing noise followed. One that didn't match up with thunder or any other solution that immediately came to mind. We both froze and I frowned, looking out the windows. The blinds weren't drawn shut, though maybe they should have been.

Pressing my finger to my lips, I got up and peeked out the window, squinting through the rain that slapped against the windshields. Drawing the curtains now would have looked suspicious if someone else was out there.

Jackson tapped my shoulder and I flinched, turning quickly. He placed his hand over my mouth.

"Someone else is here."


	3. Chapter 3

**_JACKSON_**

Although there was every reason to be so, I don't want to panic April.

My hand remained tight over her mouth so that she wouldn't make any noise that would draw attention to either of us. Whoever was out there, they already knew that we were here. That was a given. But that didn't mean that they needed to know that we knew they were out there. I waited until the panic had subsided in her eyes before very slowly removing my hand from covering her voice, stepping back to give her just a little bit of space.

Another clap of thunder shook the house and April flinched from the noise. Lightning flashed through the windows only a few moments later, making it clear that the brute of the storm was now passing overhead. It made sense that we had been followed now. They needed shelter too.

But that didn't mean that they could be trusted, whoever they were. Some man. Older looking.

Motioning her away from the windows to try and offer some thin layer of protection that realistically we no longer had, I placed a finger to my lips to try and keep her quiet for a few moments longer. The curtains were only half open. I could look through them and see a good portion of the outside of the house. It was dark outside and we didn't have any lights on inside, which meant that hopefully, there wasn't too much that he could see on the inside. But I wasn't going to be naive. I was sure that he already knew it was just the two of us in here. Maybe he thought that we would be easy to take advantage of.

"Do you see anything?" April whispered to me. I shook my head to answer.

I'd barely gotten a glimpse at whoever was out there, but he must have moved out of sight or on another side of the house. I quietly moved to the other window to try and see if I could get a better vantage point, but there wasn't one offered.

Panicking her over this didn't seem like a good idea, but she had been on this farm – she seemed just a little naive, even if I didn't want to be the one to tell her that to her face. She had been here and relatively safe, compared to the remainder of humanity that was still stretched thin across the country. I knew how people had become in the past year. It was all about their own survival. That was the only thing that mattered anymore. Trust was not something to be given away lightly. She was already guilty of that, even if it had been to my own benefit. But it was a risky move to repeat with yet another stranger. Perhaps it was selfish for me to have not questioned it before now, but I needed to right now, for the both of us.

"Why don't you go get your gun, okay?" I suggested to her with raised eyebrows.

April nodded her head, moving to the kitchen and grabbing surgical masks. She put one on and handed another to me. I put it on while she opened up the hall closet and got her gun out. I waited until she had checked that it was loaded, bracing myself to step outside into the storm.

But before I have to, there's a knock on the front door of a house. A quiet one at first and when neither of us moved or said a word to get it, it became a louder bang of a fist. Yeah, the guy definitely knew that the both of us were sitting tight in here.

"Who's there?" I called out loudly, my hand on the doorknob.

"It's just me." A male's voice replied. "I swear, it's just me, and I'm not sick. I just need shelter."

Not opening the door yet, I turned back to April, trying to get a read of her face. Her brows were furrowed toward the bridge of her nose and she had the gun pointed down at the ground instead of at the door. I could already tell what she was going to say before her mouth opened up.

"We should give him a chance."

I held back my own sigh. If I had any ownership on this place, then I would have fought back against it – but I was a guest here, and I was grateful to be one. I didn't want to mess things up. But this could potentially mess it up, too. Neither of us knew what we were letting in. I undid the locks before taking a few steps back to put some distance.

"It's open," I announced, bracing myself.

The front door opened slowly and the other male appeared on the other side. Drenched head to toe from the rain that was pouring mercilessly outside, he looked pathetic. He was probably some twenty years older than I was, obviously balding. He certainly didn't look like the type that would be capable of making it this long on his own and yet here he was. There was a drawstring bag on his back, but it didn't look particularly full of supplies. I glanced behind him – no car anywhere in sight. Wherever he came from, he must have walked.

"Who are you?" I asked, stepping back toward April but not in front of her given that she still had the shotgun out. Not something I was willingly going to get in the middle of.

"My name's Gary. I'm alone." He started with his hands up defensively. "I swear, it's just me, and I'm not sick. I wouldn't intrude normally but the storm's pretty bad out there and I don't have anywhere else to be. I saw you two in town earlier today."

Gary was a few inches shorter than me. Not a physical threat to me, but certainly to April.

"Where did you come from?" She asked. I glanced over at her. She still had the gun pointed down toward the floor. "No one else stays around here."

"I'm just passing through," he explained. "Trying to make it to New Hampshire."

"What's in New Hampshire?" I asked.

"You haven't heard?" Gary questioned, furrowing his brows. "There's a safe haven there. No sickness. Good land. Plenty of food. That's where everyone is trying to get to." He explained. Even if it would have made sense for April to not know about it given her set up, I felt as if I should have already known about it already. New Hampshire was isolated and had decent land, even if the winters probably had to be brutal. It sounded believable but at the same time, it didn't. Some things were just too good to be true.

I glanced over at April for a moment, trying to read her reaction on it. She looked more confused than I was. But she also looked like she was about to take his word to be the truth. In the gap caused by our mutual silence, he spoke up again.

"Please, I just need a place to stay till the storm passes." He begged.

"Maybe we should talk about this privately," I suggested to April. I already had a gut feeling what she was going to say and I didn't like it, even if that same naivety had been the reason that she had so generously allowed me to come and stay with her for awhile.

"You can stay." She answered without looking at me. "But we need to make sure you're not sick."

Holding back my sigh, I stepped back. I didn't like the decision but I didn't want to fight with her about it in front of him, either. I watched as she set down the gun and found myself gravitating toward it in case he tried to go after it himself. There was no way of knowing whether or not he was armed. Seemed like there were quite a few things that she hadn't jumped to thinking of. She hadn't been on the road to fall into it habitually like I did.

"Why don't I pat you down first." It wasn't a question so much as a warning, glancing between the two of them. After Gary nodded, I stepped forward. Besides the flash inside of his jacket pocket, whatever else he was carrying was confined inside of his bag.

April sat him down in the kitchen and examined him in the same way that she had me when I first arrived. I watched carefully, making sure that there wasn't anything that she missed. I trusted her judgment as a professional, sure, even if I didn't know much about her as a doctor. But trauma surgeons were trained to prepare for just about anything.

Although she didn't find any signs of illness, I didn't relax.

"Seems like an awfully big coincidence that you managed to find the two of us," I commented.

"Yeah, it was really lucky on my part," Gary replied.

April shot me a look, trying to figure out where I was going with it. I paused for a moment just to give her room to say something if she wanted to, but she didn't.

"We heard you when we were in town. Why didn't you say anything to us when we went looking for you?" I questioned, folding my arms across my chest, sizing him up just a bit.

"I didn't realize that you were," he answered. That was hard to believe. "I saw you two and I didn't know who you were or if you were healthy and I thought it would be better to avoid you, till this storm started happening." That didn't make any sense. He would have had to decide to follow us then and there in order to find us.

I glanced over at April again, wondering if she was picking up on the same things that I was.

"Well, I guess you got lucky," she said with a soft smile. "We have a spare bedroom that you can sleep in for the night." At least she didn't make him the same offer that she had made me. "Jackson, why don't you go clean up that room?" She asked.

I stiffened, not wanting to leave her alone with him. "Which room?" I procrastinated.

"The one at the end of the hall, on the left," April answered.

"Okay," I nodded, hesitantly leaving her with him.

It was the same room that she had initially brought me to when she had brought me home with her. I still had a few items in there and I quickly moved them to her bedroom, figuring that was where she would want me to stay. I could tell by the way she still had all of her parent's things out and the fact that she hadn't taken over the master bedroom yet, that their room was still off limits, even to her. I tried to be fast about it, not wanting her to be alone with him for too long.

Heading back downstairs, the two of them were seated in the living room. Gary had taken off his jacket and set down his bag. It was tempting to go through it, but I knew there was no way that I could get away with that without one of them noticing me.

"It's all cleaned out," I announced, glancing outside as another flash of lightning provided more light in the living room. "The sheets are pretty clean," I added, staring at him.

"Thank you – both of you, for the hospitality," Gary said.

Even if he was attempting to be genuine, I struggled to believe him. With April, it had been easy. It had felt natural. I don't know why it had been so easy for her and I was having such a difficult time with him, but the circumstances seemed too different. He had been creeping around. Something about him just didn't settle right with me.

"Would you like something to eat?" April offered him. I stayed standing, folding my arms.

"Oh, you don't have to offer that. I'll be fine." He tried to be polite.

"It's not a problem." She smiled at him. I frowned. "We've got plenty of food. I've been growing a lot, so really, it's not a problem at all." Before he could say more, she was already up and heading to the kitchen.

I followed the both of them quietly and watched as she put together a plate of food for him. Gary seemed all too eager to eat it down despite the polite attempts that he had feigned earlier. I shouldn't blame him for that. Everyone was hungry. People alive were dirty and starving. I had been too. But I still want to.

As the two of them converse stuff, I remain uninvolved in the conversation, listening to every detail. He was alone since his wife had died. He didn't know what she had died from exactly, but the doctors apparently hadn't even tried to save her.

A year ago, that kind of story would have enraged me.

Now? It saddened me, sure, but there was no surprise to be found there. For so many cases, there was nothing to be done. Treatment merely wasn't an option because we didn't have the vaccines to stop it. We could try and ease some of their pain with other medications and treat the symptoms, but it wouldn't stop the inevitable. As it had gotten worse, many of us had stopped trying. I had. She had. We had run away. We had chosen to survive instead of dying fighting something that we had no power against.

"It's pretty late and you've still got a long way to go," I remarked once he had finished eating, hoping that I would finally get to be able to talk to April alone.

"You're right." Gary agreed. "Thank you very much for your hospitality."

This guy was full of shit.

"You're welcome," April smiled at him. "I'll take you up to your room."

I followed them up the stairs again as April took Gary to the extra room, lingering in the hallway and listening to every word that was exchanged between the two of them, not wanting to miss out on anything. I didn't know why she was so easy to trust. It was her house, not mine, I was just a guest. I knew I didn't have any real say in who was here and who wasn't because of that, yet my opinion hadn't even been heard on the matter, a matter of which I was sure that she was naive about.

"If you need anything, we're just down the hall." She advised him before pulling the door shut.

I stared at her for a moment, opting not to say anything while we were still right outside of his room. I didn't want him to be suspicious, or aware that I was currently suspicious. Once the two of us were in her bedroom, together, I didn't hold back any further.

"What was all of that about?" I asked her.

"All what about?" April questioned innocently.

I held back a sigh. "You – just giving him a place to stay without even thinking about us. He was stalking us from town, April, and you're not even the slightest bit suspicious about him? Really?"

"I mean, I kind of did the same thing for you." She blinked at me a few times as she sat down on the bed, beginning to take off her jeans. "I didn't know you either, Jackson. But sometimes you just have to let people in need in. That's the right thing to do."

"I'm not arguing about the morality of it with you." I murmured. That was a losing battle, I knew. Morals and survival didn't always go hand-in-hand. If I had completely followed mine, I would probably be dead in Seattle right now. And she would probably be dead in Chicago. "But it's a risky move, letting someone in like that. Doesn't it concern you in the least bit that he followed us here?"

"He explained why," she pointed out. "And of course he needed a place to stay for the night. It's storming cats and dogs out there. I wouldn't want to be stuck out in it and neither would you." As if nature was backing her up, another clap of thunder roared outside.

"Yeah, sure, it makes sense on the surface level. But remember exactly what he said? He didn't approach because he didn't know who we were. Yet he would have had to follow us immediately to find us here, April. Especially given that we were on bikes and he was on foot. He had to follow us intentionally immediately upon seeing us at the store and seeing us leave. That doesn't line up with what he said. Just think about it for a minute." I pleaded with her.

April sighed. Maybe she was finally seeing my side of things.

"I just don't think it's that black and white," she admitted. "And since he's healthy, there's no reason that we can't help him for a night, Jackson. Come on, you have to see that, don't you?"

"Sickness isn't the only thing out there that kills, April," I replied without missing a beat.

She fell quiet for a moment as she presumably processed the words, getting up for a moment and changing into pajamas. I sat down on the bed and waited for her, hoping that she would be a little more lenient with changing her mind.

"You might be right, but you might be wrong, too. Don't you think the chance that you're wrong is worth it?" April asked.

No. I don't.

"I mean, it's hard to say," I answered, shooting for more of the middle ground. "There's not a lot that's worth dying for anymore, in my opinion. It's hard to stay alive and… you know, if we want to ever have a shot at things going back to the way that they once were, then we need to do the best to keep ourselves alive." I explained, placing my hand on her thigh once she sat down and rubbing it gently.

"What do you think about the whole thing that he was talking about in New Hampshire?" The subject change was sudden but not entirely unexpected. I could tell she didn't like the conversation that we were having.

"It sounds nice if it's real." I gave a slight shrug, not wanting to crush her hopes completely given that she already seemed a little downtrodden. "I just think that's a big if."

"Yeah, I guess so," she muttered in agreement, wetting her lips and laying down.

"I know that you've been here for the duration of this, April, but it's not a nice world out there anymore. I don't want you to be naive or oblivious to that, okay? That's the only reason that I'm being such a dick about this." I tried to explain my side of the story. "People out there are nasty. Even though there are all of the sicknesses to be worried about, you have to worry about the people who have survived out there, too. And the things that they have done to survive." Everything that I was saying was criminalizing for myself, too, I knew that.

"It just seems a little absurd that you have such a problem with him being here, yet you were pretty happy to be here yourself, you know?" April questioned, rolling over to look at me. Fair enough.

"Well, I already know that I'm not a threat to myself or you. That's different." I pointed out.

"And you don't know whether he is one or not." She added.

"Yeah, exactly." I nodded.

Quiet fell between us once more as she presumably thought about everything that I was saying. I scooted up on the bed slightly so that I was resting my head on one of the pillows, but I kept my eyes trained on her, trying to examine what was going on. I knew her decently, all things considered, because you didn't bother to get to know people during the end of the world. But I still couldn't read inside her head that well.

"Just think about it, okay?" I gave her a slight smile.

"I am," April muttered with a nod. "But I'm not about to get up and kick him out for the night."

"Well what, are you going to go in there and sleep with him instead?" I let my bitterness about the situation get the best of me, words coming out of my mouth without much thought behind them.

Her jaw dropped as she stared at me, hazel eyes wide with the anger that flashed inside of them.

Yeah, I had crossed a line.

"April, I'm sorry, I didn't mean that–" I began to apologize before any yelling could start.

"I can't believe you just said that." She shook her head. I could already see how furious she was about it and I knew it was wrong to throw out a comment like that. I had slept with her without knowing her just as eagerly as she had slept with me.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it." I tried again. "I'm just frustrated, that's all."

"And you think that's an appropriate excuse?" April countered, brows raising incredulously.

"No, it's not, that's not what I'm saying at all if you'll just let me explain." I attempted to get out, irritated with myself. Obviously, I didn't actually mean something like that. Obvious to me, at least.

Her hands pressed together tightly in front of her face and if it hadn't been obvious how pissed she was about all of this, I might have been able to mistake it for her praying. But no, her fury was clear, and it was targeted right at me. I had earned that.

"Go." She stated, pointing her finger at the door. "Just go sleep on the couch and maybe we can talk about this in the morning." April insisted, her firm tone.

It wasn't a question or a suggestion. It was a demand.

"Alright," I sighed, pushing myself off the bed. "We'll talk about this in the morning." That wasn't a question for me so much as it was for her. We would. I liked her too much to screw this up, even if the naivety that she had about some things could be a little frustrating to try and change.

Heading downstairs with my feet dragging at each step, I lay down on the couch, tucking one of the throw pillows behind my head. It's not as comfortable as the bed, but it wasn't so bad.

Thunder was still noisily occurring outside, but the flashes of lightning that followed weren't quite as immediate as they had been before. The storm was slowly passing and making some distance away from us, at least. Hopefully, that would mean that Gary would be gone in the morning without any question or further fuss being made about it like he had said.

Of course, I still didn't trust him. Fighting with April and making a stupid, dick comment about it didn't change anything about that. It was too convenient the way that he had just found us and followed us back here. He had tried to say the right things about it, but there were still holes in his story that were left unexplained. She had trusted him too easily. Maybe now she would at least realize that it didn't make quite as much sense as he wanted it to even if she was still pissed at me. At least that would mean that the current anger had made some kind of productive difference and it wasn't all for nothing.

With April still on my mind, I do manage to fall asleep despite the noise of the storm. There was some good to be had with the rain and crops, after all, and it didn't seem like the wind was too bad outside. None of it was enough to keep me from falling asleep on the couch.

But when I'm awoken by some noise, it's not the storm. There was still rain pattering against the outside of the house but it was lighter than it had been before. Instead, the noise is quieter – shuffling around. Someone else was in the room. That wasn't something that would have woken me up before all of this, but my sensitivity to another person's presence had increased drastically.

I squinted in the dark, trying to locate the figure. When my eyes adjust enough to see them, it's easy to tell that the dark outline was Gary and not April. Great.

"What are you doing down here?" I rasped, voice a little raw from sleep.

"Shit." He turned back to face me suddenly.

In the dark, I could just barely see that he had his bag – but this time, it wasn't as thin as it had been before. Instead, it looked like it was completely stuffed full. Sleep had my brain running a little slow, but it wasn't hard to piece it together. He was stealing from April. That was why he had really been interested in staying for the night.

"What the hell are you doing?" Less of a question this time as my voice rose to a yell at him, an accusation and trying to scare him into stopping.

Gary dropped the bag as I stood up and lunged for me, catching me off guard just enough that he could knock me to the ground, but he comes down with me. I rolled the both of us to try and get on top of him, knocking something off of one of the smaller tables in the room. It's loud. It should wake up April and get her attention too so she could get the gun. At least it was clear that he hadn't grabbed that – yet.

"I can't believe you'd use her like this."

Except that sad part was that I could. That was just how people were these days.

A fist flew at my face and hit me square in the jaw. It was enough for him to get an advantage of the situation again and another hit me harder in the face. When he tried for the first time I managed to grab a hold of his arm, twisting it back away so he couldn't swing it at my face again.

"I'm doing what I have to. You're doctors. You could have stopped this." Gary accused me, knee hitting me square in the chest and knocking the air out of my lungs. "You all could have stopped this and instead you're hiding away, leaving the rest of us to die. This is your fault. My wife died because of cowards like you and you don't deserve any of this."

Had he planned to kill us already?

There wasn't much time to think about it though. We struggle for control and power over the situation once more, making more noise in the process. It doesn't surprise me that April appeared at the top of the stairs only a moment later with her flashlight, trying to figure out what the ruckus was.

"April! Get the gun!" I shouted at her.

I couldn't look at her for too long without losing focus on the fight at hand but I see her run for something, at least. It's hard to see for both of us – but he was older. Hopefully his night vision was worse than mine was. My youth should have given me a further advantage.

He got on top of me for a moment, but I could feel blood dripping down on my face. His. I'd gotten something hurt – broken nose, maybe it was coming from his mouth, I couldn't be entirely sure. But as long as it was making the difference that I wanted to, that was the important part. He was getting weaker and putting up less of a resistance. I could feel it now. I just needed a little bit longer and I would be able to take over this situation completely.

"Stop!" April shouted, a stream of light from the flashlight pointing at the both of us. Now she had the shotgun. I didn't know how good of a shot she was, but the two of us were too close to one another to take it.

"Stop it! Stop it right now!" She screamed.

I glanced at her for a moment, and it's my weakness.

Gary shoved me hard, and it's his mistake.

My head slammed against the corner of the coffee table and suddenly the only thing that I could see was stars. The splitting loud sound of a gun going off filled my ears and I black out.


	4. Chapter 4

**_APRIL_**

"Stop it! Stop it right now!" I screamed.

I had never been forced into a situation like this before and I didn't know what to do. But I knew what Jackson would have done. He would have pulled the trigger without thinking and taken care of the problem then and there. No, the problem wouldn't have even been here in the first place if I had listened to him. I had been caught up in how I thought things worked instead of listening to him and what he knew. It's hard to see in the dark, but I have to make a choice. I aimed the gun and squeeze the trigger.

Panic took over before anything else could.

I had shot a gun before. I knew exactly how loud they were and how it felt like you had just split your eardrums wide open. Ear protection was worn at gun ranges for a reason – serious damage could be done with that level of noise. But shooting at targets and coyotes was different than this. This was a living, breathing human being, no matter what wrong he had been doing.

Or at least, he had been.

"Jackson?" I whispered, my grip on the gun shaking horribly as I awaited a response from him. I knew that I was a good shot, but shotgun rounds were messy in such close proximity. He doesn't respond and I can feel my heart rate climbing.

Focusing my grip on my flashlight again, I dropped the gun on the sofa and flashed the light over toward the two of them. Gary's eyes were wide open, but he wasn't moving. There was no life in them. Jackson's were shut, but I could just pick up on the rise and fall of his chest. He was still breathing. There was no blood coming from him. I hadn't hit him. He must have hit his head or something else. That was another worry. I took a deep breath, trying to focus myself on the immediate situation still in front of me.

Squatting down next to the stranger that I had let into my house, I pressed two fingers into his neck. There was no pulse. I moved the light across the remainder of his frame, cringing as I see where bullets had torn through his abdomen. There was blood all over his shirt, staining into the carpet and likely the hardwood beneath. But he was dead.

"Jackson," I repeated his name louder this time, and still get no answer.

A sigh passed through my lips unsteadily and I refilled my lungs with fresh oxygen, straightening up. I needed more light. Quickly grabbing a proper lamp from beneath the sink, I light the candle inside of it, giving me something more to work with.

Both of them were far bigger than I was. It was going to be a lot to try and move either of them but I couldn't just sit around and wait for Jackson to wake up, staring at a dead body in my living room.

Gary's body was in the way of getting Jackson onto the couch and I didn't want to drag him across and make more of a mess than things already were. I would have to take care of him first. I'd dealt with dead bodies before, cadavers in medical school, people that we hadn't been able to save in the hospital, and then the sick since the world had fallen apart. But none of those had died so directly at my hand. Not like this.

The carpet was already ruined. There was no way to get past that. I could wrap him up into it, bury it… it was going to be a mess. I didn't want to keep him on the property. I could take him somewhere in the morning and get him buried there. Preferably with Jackson's help.

It's easy enough to move the coffee table off of the carpet. The couch doesn't come quite as easily, but it's not so bad. Jackson's unconscious frame was the hard part.

"C'mon, Jackson, you've got to wake up," I muttered.

Giving his shoulders a slight shake, he doesn't immediately wake up. I check his pulse – it's strong, healthy. The hit on his head was the problem but I couldn't exactly do much to examine him without any machines. His pupils looked normal, equal and reactive. That was good. I dragged him off of the carpet with some strain on my back.

By the time that he was off, I collapse onto the floor for just a moment.

I had never killed someone before.

As a doctor, my job had been to save people's lives. Not take them. Things had changed drastically as illnesses had taken over the population of the world and destroyed it, but even then, this was something that I had never done before. I'd had people die trying to save them, I'd cried after telling the parents and blamed myself for not being able to do enough, but this was an entirely new set of guilt finally coming over me. I was solely responsible. He had been healthy and I had made the decision to end his life. I had killed him. Murdered him. There was no way to try and redefine that for anything other than what it was. I was no longer the woman who saved lives despite the odds stacked against my favor. I was now the one who took them.

Before I could stop it, tears begin falling. The tightness in my chest was overwhelming and it seemed as if there was no way of calming or stopping the storm that had been unleashed inside of me. Outside, it was barely still there. I could hear rain but the thunder and lightning had calmed. Instead, it seemed to all exist inside of me now. I had screwed up and I had screwed up badly.

Holy crap. Jackson was right. I was too naive. But it wasn't me that it was hurting, not this time.

 _Sickness isn't the only thing out there that kills, April._

The words hadn't been said with malice but now that they run back through my head, it's exactly how I hear them. Sickness wasn't the only thing that killed. He had meant it in reference to Gary and not being able to trust it, but now, all I can hear is the naivety can be the thing to kill someone.

"April?" Jackson's voice jerked me back out of my own wallowing.

"Jackson!" I gasped out, turning and quickly blinking away my tears to try and clear up my vision. In the darkness, I could see him beginning to sit up, his weight balanced mostly on his elbows. "Here, don't move too much."

Not every concussion resulted in someone blacking out, especially for a few minutes as opposed to a few seconds, which was part of the reason I was worried. Even if we were both doctors, the lack of proper equipment here would fail to help if it came to some kind of traumatic brain injury. If symptoms didn't worsen over time and there weren't any visual disturbances, then hopefully, it would be okay. I don't know what to do if it's not okay. Careful monitoring would have to be enough. It would have to be.

"Goddamn," he swore, rubbing the back of his head. "What exactly happened?" He asked.

"I think you hit your head. It was dark, I couldn't see exactly. He pushed you and there was enough room and I just took the shot and… and he's dead." I stuttered out, feeling the tears burn at my eyes again and wetting my lips.

"Hey." His hand fell onto my knee, giving it a squeeze. "You did the right thing."

"He's dead," I repeated, chewing harshly at my lower lip.

"It's okay." He soothed, rubbing his hand up and down my thigh. It felt wrong. I shouldn't have been receiving comfort, I should have been giving it to him. He was the one who had hit his head and blacked out for a few minutes. He certainly needed it more than I did at the moment and yet I was the one who was still sitting there and panicking. "Let's get it cleaned up, okay?"

Right. That was what I had been trying to do in the first place before I'd let my emotions get the best of me. I took a deep breath and nodded my head, pushing hair back and out of my face. There was a little blood splattered here and there, but most of the mess was contained.

Getting Gary's body rolled up inside of the carpet is considerably easier with Jackson helping some of the heavier liftings. We drag it outside onto the patio to get it out of the house before it could begin to smell too badly. Leaving it out here for too long meant attracting flies and other critters like nothing else, though. The sun would be up soon, hopefully, and we would be able to deal with it properly then. It's hard to do much at night now.

"What do you want to do with the body?" Jackson asked, adjusting it so it wouldn't block the door.

"Bury it." It didn't seem as important to properly dispose of it as it had been with the bodies of the sick. "But not on the property. Somewhere else. I just… somewhere else." I repeated without explaining myself, wetting my lips. Hopefully he would understand.

He nodded his head and stepped back inside of the house. I stared at the rolled up carpet for a moment longer, taking a deep breath. This was what things were like now. Doing what it took to survive – Jackson had been right about everything. I couldn't be so naive, so trusting. I had trusted him, though. That had worked out so far. I'd practically blocked out the fact that I had been mad at him in the first place and he had been sleeping on the couch because of me. He'd insinuated that I might have been a slut, but then he could have died and it would have been my fault. The two things weren't equal.

Glancing at the horizon, there was barely sun beginning to peak out. We could deal with it once it was light again and then try again at getting some peaceful rest. Even in the couple of hours that I had been asleep, it hadn't been a beneficial sleep.

Letting a deep breath fill my lungs though it doesn't calm me down, I stepped back inside of the house. Jackson had already moved the coffee table and couch back to their previous positions.

"How are you feeling?" I asked, guilty so much focus had been on me.

"I'm okay," Jackson insisted with a nod of the head. "Head hurts a little, but I'm sure that it's nothing more than a minor concussion." There was the doctor in him coming out. No doctor ever wanted to be a patient and tried to do their best to stubbornly deny whatever was going on. It was practically a part of the job description.

"Can I take a look at you, at least?" I asked, eyebrows raising up into his forehead. The lamp was still burning with enough light that it shouldn't be too difficult. I didn't want to wait.

"Sure," he nodded his head.

Sitting down next to him on the sofa, I reached around to the back of his head and tenderly felt for where it must have hit. It would be impossible to see bruising through his tight curls of hair. But the wince that he gave indicated to where the tenderness was. The back of his parietal lobe, likely. His coordination seemed fine, as well as his speech. No obvious signs of confusion or disorientation. Nausea and a worsening headache, well, I'd have to wait and see if either of them came up. Right now, the biggest concern was his loss of consciousness stretching on beyond half a minute. But I had no way to get any answers to that.

"I guess you look fine." Something about it doesn't settle right with me, but if he was still acting normal in a few days, then I'd deal with it. As long as he didn't get another head injury, it didn't necessarily have to be a big deal. Concussions were relatively normal.

"Well, that's not particularly convincing," Jackson commented with a light laugh.

"You know what I mean," I shook my head, looking down at my hands resting on my lap. Tears burned in the corner of my eyes again. This time, I'm not so sure why.

"Hey, hey, take it easy, alright?" There he went again, making sure that I was fine even though he had been the one to be hurt. His hand cupped my face and pulled my gaze up again. "There's nothing that you need to be getting worked up about, alright? I'm fine. I promise. I've had a concussion before and it's no big deal as long as I don't go bashing my head around. You took care of the problem, April. I know that it doesn't feel good right now, but you did the right thing, I promise. You did. I would have done the exact same thing. Anyone would have." He reassured me, stroking his thumb along my cheekbone.

Though all of his words made sense, my mind still spun around trying to find fault in them and assign the blame right back on myself. I had been the one to let him in, after all, and he had previously indicated that I should have known better than to do so. It would certainly make me think twice in the future if anyone showed up again.

"Okay," I muttered, wanting to believe him. "Okay," I repeated, a little more firmly.

"Do you mind getting me some water?" Jackson asked after a minute. I nodded quickly, getting up off the couch and moving toward the kitchen to grab a clean glass for him. Keeping him hydrated would be important – I should have thought of that sooner.

"Here you go," I murmured as I handed it to him, watching him drain the glass quickly. I sat on my knees close to this time, eyes trained on him to find something wrong.

But I don't. Even though I look and look, nothing comes up. Had my naivety twisted to the other end of the spectrum so quickly? It didn't feel right in the pit of my stomach, looking at him with the expectation of a problem. He had felt like a miracle, wandering into my life. A good man in healthy condition… that wasn't something there was a lot of these days. Especially one who was still sane of mind after everything, one who happened to be another surgeon, and even attractive. With how few of us were left, he literally could have been the last of his kind. Or maybe just, we were the last of our kind. We might never know any differently, even if New Hampshire had sounded promising.

"Are you sure that you feel okay?" I asked one more time, feeling compelled to.

"Yeah, I am," he nodded. "I promise."

Letting out a soft sigh, I leaned into him. Jackson's arm wrapped around my shoulders and I took it as an excuse to snuggle further into the warmth of his body, glad that he was okay. I regretted kicking him out like that. If he hadn't– well, I was sure that we would have woken up in a couple of hours missing a few things, but at least we probably would have been fine.

"I'm sorry," I finally whispered after a few peaceful minutes, placing my hand on top of his and giving it a slight squeeze. I was, and I hoped that he was too.

"Sorry for what?" Jackson asked.

"I was being stupid and stubborn last night. I should have heard you out instead of just listening to the things that made me mad." I admitted, closing my eyes for a moment. "I wish that I had listened to you. I really, really do. It would have saved the both of us so much trouble. I wouldn't be sitting here wondering about a brain bleed inside of your head."

"Don't be sorry. Don't apologize for who you are." It seemed like he had turned around, too. His hand rubbed up and down on my arm. "I said some things that I shouldn't have said. Things that weren't fair. And you know what? It's a good thing that I was down here and not up there in bed with you. He could have killed the both of us and we would have never known or seen it coming, okay? So really, me being down here was the right thing. It was." He was so confident in everything that came out of his mouth.

My brows furrowed. "How do you know that he would have killed us?" I asked.

"He told me," Jackson admitted. "Apparently us being doctors was reason enough. His wife got sick and died, the doctors didn't do anything. I guess it gave him a pretty good vendetta against the lot of us."

"Oh." I frowned. "I didn't know that."

We both fell quiet for a moment after his explanation. I'd often wondered if I hadn't done enough. I could have gone back to Chicago after my parents had passed away and I hadn't. Things had already been nasty. The CDC had tried and failed to intervene enough to stop it. There wasn't enough of anything to fight off what we could, and some, well, we just didn't know how to do. We didn't have all the tools for diseases that we had never seen before because of how long they had been buried in the permafrost.

"Do you ever wonder if there was more that you could have done?" We were both surgeons. Neither of us specialized in infectious disease or epidemiology. But there was always that itch bugging me, wondering about all of the possible ifs that existed.

"Sometimes," he gave a slight nod of his head. "But I think there are still things that I can do. Things that I wouldn't be able to do if I had died off trying to save those that couldn't be saved." He added.

"Do you really think that? Or are you just saying it to make me feel better?" I asked.

"I do think that," Jackson answered. "The world has fallen apart but… I have to believe in the idea that one day, things will get better. Immune systems evolved and the people who have made it this far have a good chance already. There have to be people there to rebuild. Smart people, capable people. That's important. There has to be a future."

I wondered what was really going on inside of his head, but I hoped that he was right. There had to be a future, otherwise, all of this would end up being for nothing.

"I'd like for there to be a future one day. I always wanted a family." I admitted honestly. "Do you?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "Always saw myself with a wife and a kid. Didn't see this happening."

"Me neither," I agreed. "I wanted three kids. Two boys and a girl. I wanted the girl to be the youngest, that way she'd have two older brothers to take care of her whenever things got rough, you know? I wanted the picket fence life. I really did. Even though work was always crazy, I always thought that one day I would get it figured out, too. I'm not sure now if it's better or worse that I didn't." It would have hurt, losing out on that dream. Maybe it was easier to not have to miss it.

"You would be a good mom. You're good at taking care of people." Jackson complimented.

"Thanks," I smiled softly. "I think that you would be a good dad, too, you know. You have really good instincts when it comes to other people. Better than I do, definitely."

We stayed curled up against each other for a while longer during the sunrise, the candle burning out but the light being replaced as colorful streams ignited past the horizon and allowed for some sun to stream in through the open curtains in the living room. It was nice for a moment to just ignore everything going on – the fact that life as we knew it was over, that there was a dead body of a man I had killed sitting out on the porch that we needed to take care of still… pushing that out of my mind even for just a few minutes allowed for some semblance of peace to wash over me. Even if it was only temporary.

"You know that we probably need to get rid of that body now, right? Before it gets too hot." The peace is easily removed from my mind again. But I knew that I couldn't ignore the obvious. Maybe I would get a chance once it was taken care of more permanently.

I nodded my head and get up first. It's one of the few things that would be worth using the truck for – I can't imagine either of us dragging the body on a bike somehow.

Heading upstairs first to grab the car keys, I come back down and pull the truck around to the front of the house and get it as close to the porch as possible to try and make it easy. Shovels are thrown in the bed of the truck as well, and we head a little way down the road. It was the Miller's property. They had been dead or gone before I had come back to Ohio.

We buried the body without making much more conversation about it. I don't feel right still, but I don't feel quite as wrong, either. I had done the right thing for our survival, even if it was going to be hard to sleep on for the next few days.

"Are you still feeling okay?" I asked again, glancing over at him. Fortunately, it wasn't hot.

"Yeah," Jackson answered. "A bit of a headache. I think it'll be good to lay down when we get back."

"Of course," I agreed. "Not like either of us really got a full night of rest, anyway."

The road seemed especially bumpy heading back to the farm. At least this time, there's no paranoia of people watching us. Two people in the same month was a rarity for here. I didn't know if more people were trying to get to the place he was talking about in New Hampshire, or maybe just trying to find somewhere a little more stable before winter set in. It would be important to find somewhere. Electricity and heaters weren't much anymore. A real fire had to be depended on. I was glad I had a fireplace.

"Let's get you back upstairs in bed." I parked the truck back around the house, quickly getting up to Jackson's side and hooking my arms with his. He didn't need help walking, sure. But I planned on being right there anyway.

He went up the stairs without any fuss, much to my satisfaction. I didn't try to tuck him into bed like he was a child, just standing by and watching as he stripped out of his shirt and down to his boxers, crawling beneath the covers of my head. I pulled the curtains shut to make it a little darker for him. Light sensitivity was one of the most common side effects of a concussion. Anyone knew that.

"Sleep well." I murmured, kissing the top of his head gently.

"Thanks," Jackson gave me one more smile before I stepped out of the room.

I could use some rest myself but I want to give him some peace and quiet on his own. I walk back downstairs, letting out a sigh as I look at the hardwood in the living room. There was blood staining the wood. I knew there would be.

Getting a bucket of water and a sponge, I put just a little soap in there to hopefully make it easier to remove. Down on my hands and knees, I begin scrubbing aggressively into the floor to try and get it out. Even if I had done what I had to, I didn't want any trace of this left in my house, let alone out in the open like that. I needed it to be gone in every way possible.

Both my hand and wrist hurt by the time I've gotten out as much as I think will come up. It's a little darker still, but it was just from the water and not remaining blood. I think, at least. I needed to stop thinking about the blood.

New Hampshire consumed my thoughts again.

It was lonely to be here, but Jackson was helping tremendously with that. Having company, someone to talk to and to do things with, I'd forgotten just how amazing that was. I had taken it for granted in life before all of this. Now, I craved it more than ever. Maybe that was part of why I had so blindly allowed Gary into my house.

But it was entirely possible that it was too good to be true. It would have been a long trip to get somewhere and only have it be a bust. I couldn't imagine that Jackson would ever agree to something like that, especially when things on the farm seemed to be good and safe enough.

What was possible, though, was the idea that perhaps we could build our own community. I may not have been an architect, but it was easy enough to imagine. There was plenty of arable land around here, good sources of water. My well was healthy and uncontaminated, and I was sure that there were a few others around the area that would be, too. It was possible to clean it all up. Supplies for other things would be a question, of course, but the possibility was still there. I couldn't ignore that now that the idea had been implanted inside of my head.

It might not incorporate people directly inside of my house, but a town, a community… God, all of that sounded good. Great. I had no idea where to start, but I craved it.

I don't want to wake him but I don't want to eat without him, either. Sneaking back into the room, I check that he's still breathing like normal, satisfied when he is. Then I go into the closet and pull out the sketchpad that's buried there. Without much to do, I'd picked up on old habits that I hadn't embraced since I was a child. Drawing just happened to be one of them.

Settling down on the floor with a dull pencil, I begin to sketch out the sight in front of me. He's covered in shadows with the light coming in from behind him, but I don't mind. This was for me and no one else. I'd probably never have a photo of him, but I could have this little something.

By the time that he stirred awake, I'm not finished with what I was working on. I get a decent outline of the bit of his body that peeked from above the covers, barely shaded muscles and a decent jawline, the curls on top of his head. It's not much. But it's a start. The second that he started moving around though, I shut the sketchpad, not wanting him to get a peek at what I was doing.

"Hey," he rasped out. Unintentionally, I can't help but notice how sexy it is.

"Good morning, sunshine." I teased him with a small smile, lifting up my hands and wiggling my fingers to give him a little wave as I sat up a little taller, setting the pad face down in my lap.

"What're you doing?" Jackson asked, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand.

"Nothing important," I shook my head. "How's your head feeling?"

He nodded his head slightly. "A little better than before. Mostly the same, though. I'm not worried about it. I'm sure by this time tomorrow, it'll be like nothing ever happened in the first place." Jackson's confidence was radiating as always, no matter what the subject matter was. I wondered how he always managed to do that. I wish I knew how. It would have been nice to apply a little of the magic to my own life.

"Good," I smiled at him for a moment, getting up from my place on the floor to join him on the bed. I sit only on the edge and take his hand, intertwining my fingers together with his. "I was thinking about something, though. While you were snoring away." I beamed.

"What's that?" Jackson asked.

"New Hampshire. Not going, but… what if we could build our own place? Something for the future. Somewhere safe, that people would want to come to. You said that you wanted to help people in the future. Maybe this is what we could do. I think that we could do it together. I don't know how a place like that gets started in the first place, but I really think that maybe we could do it." I rambled on a little too excitedly, biting at my lower lip to try and contain my smile, giving his hand a slight squeeze.

"Really?" I nodded immediately after his words. "Huh. That's one hell of an idea."


	5. Chapter 5

**_JACKSON_**

My head still ached, but at least my vision was clear.

I'd had a couple of concussions here and there in my lifetime. I played football in high school and some in college, so that had pretty much been an inevitable part of everything that I was involved in. When I had flown through all of my medical school courses, I'd gotten a reminder about how dangerous that could be, the worry of secondary head injuries in succession to the initial. It was a reminder that I had gotten pretty lucky with all of it. Now, the throbbing in the back of my head was a fierce reminder of all of that.

Despite the consistent throbbing in the back of my head, I didn't want to worry April any more than what she already was. I could tell that she was upset about the entire situation – that she regretted not trusting me. I didn't want to rub that in her face or make any of it worse than it already was. She had done enough for me, she deserved a break.

April was a good woman. That had been pretty obvious from the moment I'd met her, or at least, once she'd gotten the shotgun out of my face. She brought me in, gave me food, all without hesitation. I could criticize her for her naivety, but she was current seeking me in much better condition than I had been in the past couple of months. There was no denying that. During times like these, it was hard to set things straight.

It was also hard to figure out or find any purpose.

The future was a concept that any time might have seemed daunting and unknown, but that was true now more than ever. Survival was more of a fight than it had ever been for my generation. Whoever was left, no one wondered about what job or promotion they might have gotten next, if their stocks were doing well, if they could afford that next vacation with the kids or that new car that had caught their eye. Actions and planning had returned to the most basic route: food, clean water, shelter.

But maybe we could begin to ask more. April could have been right to begin looking ahead for something better, something more meaningful. There would have to be life and civilization again. It could take time, but it had to start somewhere. Rome wasn't built in a day. Tremendous accomplishments always took time, and it would be something to be remembered.

After washing up and eating a small dinner, we sat outside on the porch of the house. The sun had barely begun to set in the distance of the open field, a plethora of colors painted across the horizon. I hadn't wanted to overdo the questions earlier but now was a better time.

"So, do you really think we could start some kind of community out here?" I asked, leaning against the railing.

"Why not?" April answered back simply. "I mean, we have to start somewhere. We have clean water, decent soil. Big, empty houses. The winter will be hard, Ohio is always terrible with freezing temperatures, but I think something like this would be doable." She expressed.

"It's not the warmest setting but I get it," I nodded slightly. "Who would be here, though?"

"I don't know how we would get the word out about it yet," she answered honestly.

I stretched out my warm toward her and waved her over slightly, waiting until April had scooted over across the wood and wrapping my arm around her shoulders, allowing her to lean into me. She meant well, I could tell. It would take time to find answers like that, though. Starting from next to nothing wasn't easy. Something like this usually had a lot of people working for it.

"It won't be easy," I stated honestly. "But if you're committed to doing something like this, then I'll stick around and help you. I can't say I have much else to get to." I gave a slight chuckle. "It'll be hard to get people around, though."

"Thanks," April snuggled against me. "I'm really glad that I managed to find you. I like having you around. I hated being alone. It was awful. I felt like I was going crazy all the time."

"I wasn't a fan of it either," I admitted. "I like living here."

"What do you think it would have been like for us if we had met before? When things were normal?" She asked, turning her head so that she was looking up at me more directly.

A fair question, one that I didn't have the answer to. I tried not to dwell too much in the past even if it was hard not to overthink and question things when there wasn't always a lot of active stimulation for my brain. I had been a different person then. Everyone had been. Normal, happy go lucky, a little bit spoiled. I was lucky that I had always been hardworking, wanting to prove to my family that I was more. Otherwise, I probably wouldn't have made it this far.

"I probably would have hit on you." I looked down at her with a small grin. "You're beautiful. And if I had seen you in something tight or low-cut, I definitely would have tried to take you home." My opposite shoulders lifted and fell in a slight shrug.

"Oh my god!" April laughed so hard that her frame shook, a huge smile on her face.

"I'm being completely serious. I totally would have. You probably even would have gotten sick of me hitting on you." I squeezed her tighter against me for just a brief moment.

"I would have been absolutely flattered," she said through giggles. "And I would have said no."

I gasped, mockingly offended. "No? To me? Why?"

"I was a good girl. I didn't go home with strangers from a bar." She answered simply and shortly, and I could feel both of her shoulders lift with the shrug that she gave back to me. I could see it. A girl in a place like this, if it wasn't the end of times, I would have pictured her as a simple and small-town Christian. It had that kind of vibe. All of the crosses, of course, contributed.

"I would have been heartbroken." I exaggerated, a smile still resting on my features. "You sure didn't hesitate to take me in this time, though. Just throwing that out there." I teased her lightly.

April pushed back against me. "It's different!" She said decisively. "Besides, you're the first man I'd seen in awhile. Maybe I was just desperate and you happened to be convenient."

"There's no way you're going to get me to believe that," I laughed.

"It could definitely be the truth. Maybe that's all there was to it." She was grinning like a fool.

"Well, I suppose I'll just have to prove how good I am to you all over again, huh?" Barely a tease, I leaned down toward her and sealed my lips on top of hers in a firm, hard kiss. She tasted just a little bit salty but I don't mind, sucking her bottom lip between mine and nipping it before pulling away. "Why don't you lift up that skirt of yours and sit on my face, huh?"

"Right here? Are you serious?" Her brows furrowed but the smile didn't disappear.

"Absolutely." I grinned right back at her, my hand moving from her knee to the inside of her thigh, running halfway up the smooth skin there to tease her. "No one's around to see. Live a little on the wild side, good girl."

She stared at me for a moment in consideration, but her pupils were wide – I could see she had already made up her mind. April pushed up her skirt and lifted her hips off for a moment, and I watched as she pulled off her panties and tossed them over to the door. I unwrapped my arm from her and laid on my back, waiting a bit impatiently as she positioned herself above me.

"Is this okay?" She asked.

"You tell me," I answered.

Lifting my head slightly, I wrapped both my arms around her thighs and pulled her down against my a little more, giving me full access to her folds. I began to lick and suck, flicking my tongue against her clit and hearing her moan above me. It doesn't take long before she's beginning to drip down against my face, making vulgar sounds and pressing down against me a little heavier than her hesitant beginning. My cock throbbed inside of my pants, but I could tell that she was enjoying this just as much as I was.

"Oh god– yes, yes, Jackson, just like this." She moaned above me, her hips rolling against my face. I held her tighter and sucked against her folds more eagerly than before, swallowing her taste. My tongue flattened against her sex before pressing inside of her entrance as she rolled against me. "Don't stop, don't stop." April pleaded.

I don't. I had an ego to prove, after all. I hold her tight and keep going until she tightened and jerked above me, crying out when an orgasm washed over her. I could feel her nearly collapse by the time it had finished, catching herself on the wood.

"Do I get to say I told you so?" I grinned, pressing a kiss on the inside of her thigh.

"Shhh…" she shushed me, clearly catching her breath.

What she did next surprised me. When April finally pulled off of me, I tucked one arm behind my head as a cushion. She went down straight for my pants, pushing them down just enough to free my cock. It was hard and ready for her, even if I wasn't entirely. She straddled me without hesitation, sliding down onto my length entirely.

"Fuck," I swore, hips bucking up into her instinctively.

"Two can play this game." She countered, rolling herself on top of me and leaning forward, her hands resting on my chest for some balance and stability.

"I love this game," I replied.

My free hand went to her hip for a moment, giving it a squeeze before sliding up to cup one of her breasts through her shirt. She didn't have a bra on, giving me ample access to its natural shape, feeling the nipple hard beneath it and appearing through the thin material. Each bouncing motion on top of me had both of them moving, my gaze entranced by them.

April tossed her hair back behind her shoulder, looking like a goddamn porn star in the process even though she was pretty much still entirely dressed. But fucking out in the open like this, the sunset was the only thing to let me see her – there was something raw and carnal about it.

"You feel so damn good," I groaned out, hips rolling up into her once more.

"So do you." She moaned. Her walls tightened around me – I can't tell if it's intentional, but fuck, it feels good. With every roll and bounced that she gave me, I found her rhythm and matched it, giving it right back to her.

With the sunset coloring the darkening sky, April came around the length of my cock again and I spilled inside of her, both of us riding out every ounce of the orgasm. She fell forward against my chest and I held her on top of me, my arm wrapping around her waist and letting her sink into me completely. Moments like this, it was easy to forget about the rest of the world.

I don't know if I loved her – but hell, this was the closest thing I'd felt to love in a long time.

Eventually, we both get up and head inside once it's dark out and some of the few remaining bugs have begun flying around. We both curl up again in her bed, and I fall asleep quickly. A headache was still there a bit from the concussion and I was sure that I would wake up with it, too, but there was no better natural pain reliever than sex.

Morning sunlight spilled through the open blinds of her room and when my eyes finally blink awake, my first reaction is to squint and try to block out as much of it as possible. Even if the pounding my head wasn't quite as intense as yesterday, the light sensitivity was still there.

My arm was wrapped around April's waist. She was awake, hazel eyes open and staring at me.

"What? Do I have something on my face?" I asked, voice dry from the morning exhaustion.

"No," she shook her head. "Just making sure you were waking up."

If I hadn't been concussed, I probably would have rolled my eyes or made some kind of smart-ass comment about what she was doing. Instead, one brow raised up at her lazily. "I don't think I'm gonna be dying any time soon. I made it this far, haven't I?"

"Never hurts to be careful." April pointed out.

"Sleep watching is still just a little bit creepy." I pointed out. She rolled her eyes at me and sat up slowly, stretching out her arms and back. I followed suit just a little slower, straightening my spine before hunching forward once again.

"Shh. C'mon, get out of bed, lazy. I've got plans today." She gave me a little push, hopping up.

"What plans?" I asked, raising my eyebrows at her.

"I'll tell you about it over breakfast. C'mon!" She chirped at me once more, heading out of the room. I stared at the door for a moment to see if she would reappear again before beginning to get up.

Finding the pair of pants that were my own that had been washed and hung out to dry, I got into them and grabbed my shirt from the clothing line before joining her in the kitchen. She had gotten out granola. I wondered for a moment if it was something that she had done on her own, or some of the good that she instead had stored up. I pulled on my shirt, sitting down across from her and beginning to dig in.

It doesn't take long for either of us to eat everything. I'm still a little hungry but I don't push for more – I've survived being much more hungry than this, and I was sure when she was stocking up, she had been thinking more for herself than for multiple people.

"So, are you going to tell me about those plans now?" I asked.

"Mmhm." April beamed a moment before continuing. "I want to go to my neighbor's farm. Just a couple miles away if we cut through the cornfields. It's faster that way. We could go through their stuff. Plant there, make it livable. So if someone else comes… they can be there. We don't have to repeat the fiasco we had last time."

So she was planning ahead with more open eyes than she had been before. I was glad to hear that. I knew it would be harder for her to let someone else in, but that was a solid idea.

"We can definitely do that," I agreed with a nod of her head. "A community needs houses."

"Yeah," she smiled at me. "It's not too hot so it shouldn't be a bad ride over there. The wind is pretty decent today, too. I know that they had a well. That'll make it easier to set up a garden there. I'm going to bring some seeds but I'm sure they already have some stuff." She explained.

It was a good thing that she knew all about this stuff – I only knew the very basics.

"Should we head out now? Or later?" I asked.

"Now. Might as well get a head start." She answered. I nodded in agreement. It wasn't like there was anything else for the two of us to be doing here anyway.

Cleaning up the dishes and following her lead out of the house, we both get on the bike with mostly empty backpacks. She's got some seeds in hers and I had two filled water bottles in mine. There might be something else we could use there. Hoarding supplies may not have seemed appropriate for building a community, but this way if anyone else passed through, they wouldn't be tapping at our own sources.

It was a pleasant surprise between the moderately warm weather and the breeze that accompanied it. It was a little bumpier than riding on a normal road and I had to watch where I was going a little more, but it wasn't quite so bad while following her lead.

Another house became apparent in the distance above the overgrown corn, and it was easy to see that was what she was talking about. She had mentioned before that there weren't a lot of neighbors. This was definitely a drive to go ask to borrow a cup of sugar, or whatever the cliche was. The privacy out here was insane. I'm sure they never had to worry about their neighbors being too noisy.

"Is this it?" I asked when she finally rolled to a stop as if it wasn't obvious.

"Yep," April answered with a nod. "The Heflin's. We could have gone to the Miller's in the opposite direction but I figured it wasn't going to be the best place to start. That's where a lot of the dead are buried." Yeah, not a place to advertise for sure.

Examining the property, from the outside, it didn't look too different from the place that we were both currently staying out. It looked like it was made out of the same material and in a similar design. A little bit smaller. Maybe the Heflin's hadn't had to deal with four girls growing up, even if this place did seem like it was probably a hub of a few big farming families.

"Not a bad place," I commented as I went to lean my bike up against the side of the house. "Looks like it's got a pretty sturdy foundation. Do you know what happened to the family?"

"They had a boy who moved away at college, didn't come home. I don't know what happened to him. Mrs. Heflin actually died of cancer when I was a kid. Mr. Heflin was the only one left here and I don't know what happened to him. When I first came here, he was gone already." She answered, chewing at her lower lip.

"Maybe he made it if he got out early," I suggested, following her up to the front porch.

"You're becoming optimistic," April observed, glancing over at me with a raise of her eyebrows. My shoulders lifted and fell in a shrug before continuing. "I like it. We should both be optimistic. We have a lot of good that we can still do here. We're still alive."

Being alive was rare enough. It was hard not to take that for granted.

The front door was locked, but one of the windows wasn't. She must have done that on her own because she walked right up to the window and pushed it open, slithering through the small gap before coming around and unlocking the door for me.

"Thanks," I blinked at her a few times before stepping in.

"I did it last time I was here. I didn't want people just breaking in or breaking the lock, you know? It didn't feel right to just destroy their privacy like that. Not when I didn't have to." She was trying to keep some sense of morals about herself still. I respected that. It was hard to, especially with privacy. People took what they could to survive, disregarded the rest. Usually. She seemed to be the exception to that idea.

"You did a good thing," I commented as I looked around. Most things were covered in a layer of dust that had settled. It had an aged sofa in the middle of the room, a small, box television set. There was a stack of newspapers resting on the coffee table.

The kitchen had just as much dust as well across the stove top. It looked to be another natural gas stove. It must have been good for the winter – I wondered if perhaps Moline had a problem with power outages during bad freezes. That preparation was paying off for us now. The refrigerator and freezer were both emptied out already, pantry mostly with just some spices. There was an empty bottle of red wine. I grabbed that, putting it in my backpack.

"I'll show you the back," April suggested, motioning me out the back door.

I followed her out, walking down the hallway to it. There were a few family pictures still hanging on the wall, the son that she had mentioned and ethos of the deceased wife. Memories of the past were everywhere here.

There was another porch in the back of the house that led out to the yard. There was an overgrown cornfield as well as a broken pen, presumably for animals. To my surprise, there was a giant pig laying there. I'd never actually seen a pig in person before, I hadn't realized quite how big they were.

"Wow," I said, momentarily speechless.

"Wow indeed," she echoed with a smile. "That's– that is going to be a lot of food for the winter. We'll have to come back tomorrow. We can clean up the house some more, and bring the truck, so we can take her back with us." The excitement was clear on her features as she glanced between me and the animal.

"You know how to do that kind of stuff?" I'd caught my own fish before, but that was about it when it came to handling meat myself. I had always gotten it from grocery stores.

"Of course," April laughed. "I've been doing it since I was a kid, trust me. It will be a breeze. We can dry some of it, make some jerky. Salty other bigs. Cure and brine. There was plenty of ways to handle it, trust me. We're going to eat well this winter."

Trusting her was easy enough, even if I didn't entirely know how we would do it. But this would be a good skill to learn until life got back to normal again. There was no telling when that would be. She walked me around the side of the house where there was a vegetable garden growing – or overgrowing, really. I couldn't recognize most of it. Tomatoes were easy enough. There was a huge eggplant hanging in clear sight that made that easy to see.

"This is a good start," she looked pleased. "Let's pick what there is and then set it up to grow. Some of this should be good for the fall. I'm going to go grab some well water."

Following her instructions, I began to carefully pick out the vegetables that had managed to grow, placing them inside of my bag. We would be able to wash them when we returned to their house. She joined me shortly after to begin planting and watering again. Another source of food would be good for the both of us, especially since she hadn't planned on me.

Both of our hands are completely covered in dirt by the time we're done. We rinse them a bit, wiping it off somewhat on our jeans and a dishtowel that we found inside of the kitchen again.

"I may have snatched a bottle of wine from this guy," I told her with a slight smile.

"You really want to play out the tipsy at a bar scenario, don't you?" She teased me.

I shrugged. "Maybe. But I thought it might be good to have something nice."

"Hold on just a second." April spun around on her heel as she looked at the kitchen with pursed lips. She went over to one of the cabinets, lifting herself up on the countertop and getting on her knees so that she would be able to reach the highest portion. She felt around up there for a moment before pulling out a bag labeled as flour. "You know what we're going to do tonight? I'm going to make an eggplant lasagna. And we're going to drink wine. It'll be like a nice date at an Italian restaurant."

"You can really do that?" I questioned, eyebrows raising. It seemed like it would be a lot of work. I'd never even made pasta by hand. I wasn't sure if she had a pasta maker.

"Well, it'll be hard." She took a deep breath. "But I can make pasta from this and some water. We have tomato and spinach, we have eggplant, salt, oil… okay, so, it might be more like a pasta with eggplant in it because I don't know what I would do for ricotta or mozzarella. But it's going to feel Italian and it's going to taste absolutely delicious."

"Are you up for teaching me how to make pasta?" It would be fun. That was the kind of thing that I'd heard about couples going and doing together, taking a teaching class, learning how to do more things from scratch instead of buying it from the store. It could be good.

"Of course." She answered with a smile.

The sun was a little more brutal in the sky as we rode the bikes back over to her farm, but the wind was still doing a decent job of keeping the both of us cool. Biking everywhere was definitely new for me, but it was a hell of a lot better than walking. I'd walked hundreds of miles. I didn't have a way of keeping track of it anymore, but I knew I had. My shoes were worn down from all of it. This was refreshing.

We unpacked the items that we had gotten at the Heflin's house and organized it quickly before cleaning off our hands. It was midday judging by the position of the sun in the sky. Two or three o'clock, maybe. We had spent quite a bit of time at their farm.

Making pasta from scratch, it turned out, was easier than I had anticipated. All it took was flour, water, and some salt to get a stiff dough. It was a little different than what I was expecting it to be. April called it a dry pasta. It was a mess to flour the counters and get all of it done, and then tedious to cut it all by hand. She wanted it to be as perfect as possible.

The vegetables are a bit easier to handle. I've worked with eggplant some before, though not a lot and it had been awhile. I was sure that this was going to be a good meal. All of it took long enough to prepare that it truly was dinner timely the time that everything was done and cooked.

There were a few nicer wine glasses in one of the top sections of the kitchen cupboard which I pulled down for the two of us, finding a corkscrew and opening the bottle. It was a couple years old, nothing fancy or expensive. Coming from money, I had grown up with plenty of fancy meals and expensive alcohols even before I was twenty-one. It had just been a normal part of the lifestyle that I had lived. But now, after living through the past months in such a low, this was as fancy as things were going to get. I was glad that I was going to get to share it with her.

We sat down with real plates full of food and furniture, and both of us were excited to begin to dig into the hot meal that we had prepared. It was good, a hell of a lot better than anything that I had recently eaten. It was almost like things were normal.

It seemed that I felt that way a lot around her.

"This is kind of amazing." I expressed genuinely, smiling up at her. "You did a good job."

"We did a good job," she corrected me lightly, returning the smile.

There was no logical reason for us to drink the entire bottle of wine. It would probably stay fine sitting out on the counter with the cork in it. Yet one glass of wine turned to a second for the both of us, and eventually a third for the both of us, polishing it off. It's not too much alcohol for me, but there's a silly little smile on her lips that made it clear that she was tipsy.

Even though I knew that it might have been a regrettable decision in the morning given my sensitivity to headaches at the moment, it was worth it to see that smile, that look on her face. She was happy. She wasn't worried about anything at the moment, not food or survival. She was just happy and enjoying the fact that she was happy. I wondered if that was what she looked like before – carefree and beautiful, the kind of smile that would warm up and invite the entire room. I hoped so.

"I really think that we can do this," she began to speak as we scrubbed off the dishes to clean them. "I mean, you're clearly smart. I'm smart. I know what I'm doing and you're so easy to teach. And I like you. Like, I really like you. Not just because it's the end and I have no other options."

I laughed at her particular word choice, leaning over and kissing the top of her head affectionately. "Well, I'll have to consider that a win. I happened to like you too." I meant that.

"Good, 'cause you should," April replied, bumping my hip playfully. I laughed again.

"I think it might be time to get you to bed." I set down the dish to try, turning toward her and wrapping both of my arms around her waist to pull her in. "Someone's a bit of a lightweight."

"I am not a lightweight." She tried to declare, hiccuping. "But I'm sleepy. And we have so much to do tomorrow! The pig. I'm so excited about the pig. Then the next day we can plant some vegetables for the winter. We have so much to do!" She repeated herself, leaning into me.

Smiling at her, I bent down and scooped her up from her knees, carrying her upstairs bridal style so that I could lay her down in the bed. I pulled her jeans off of her and she didn't resist, tossing her bra away. I went to wash my hands and brush my teeth, stripping down into boxers. By the time that I had returned to the bedroom, she was already asleep on top of the covers. I could barely contain my amusement.

"Goodnight, sweetheart."


	6. Chapter 6

**_APRIL_**

The concussion that Jackson was suffering from was officially healed.

Two weeks had passed and I was no longer concerned about it. He showed no signs of any complications that we needed to be worried about and as long as he didn't hurt himself or his head any time soon. It was nice to not be worried about something related to medicine or illnesses, but of course, it ended up being short-lived. I felt like I was getting a cold and I was trying to hide it, but he had picked up on the sniffling quickly. It wasn't subtle.

With one loud sniffle, I collapsed down onto the sofa and stretched my legs across his lap. He was being a good sport and companion about all of this. The other day, he had gone to the Heflin house by himself to make sure that the garden was properly watered.

I'd spent a lot of time looking for love in the life before this. Not with a lot of success, of course, or maybe I wouldn't have been alone when all of this started in the first place. I'd wanted a husband and a house with a picket fence, three kids running around the front yard, but none of that had ever happened. I'd convinced myself that it was for the better, now. It was easy to sell that to myself. That would have been people to lose. Even with the few people that I had run into, no one had a complete family picture by the end of it. Less loss, less pain. Maybe, at least. There was some pain to be associated with loneliness but it was a different kind of pain. Measuring one against the other wasn't fair to anyone involved.

Two strong hands take one of my feet in them and his thumbs dug into the arches of my foot, massaging it gently. I dropped my hand back on the arm of the sofa and let out a content noise as he did so.

Love was complicated. Messy and confusing and pain but also fulfilling and wonderful and powerful. Love was the most powerful emotion a human being can experience. I didn't know if it was voluntary or involuntary. But it seemed like now that I had finally given up on the idea of ever falling in love, it had found its way circling back to me. It had just happened. Somehow it felt like a big step. Maybe life was never going to be what I expected it to be again, but that didn't mean I had to throw out the idea of never having anything normal.

Whether or not that was something that I wanted to say to him, well, it was hard to say. All of the vibes that he gave me were warm and wonderful. He was loving and supportive of all of the crazy ideas I'd had. The Heflin house was completely cleaned up. We had pork. A lot of it the pig was in the freezer. Their garden was growing nicely thus far, too. Things were working.

Even if I was feeling a little under the weather, it seemed like everything else was coming together. I was grateful for that. One step at a time. It was just one house put together, but everything started with one piece of the puzzle. The corners, the edges, then you fill in the rest.

"Thank you. That feels good." I grinned at him, letting my eyes fall shut.

"I'm glad," Jackson murmured. "I just want you to feel better. I'm worried." He massaged deeper.

"A cold isn't the end of the world." Bad choice of words, given everything. "Sorry."

"Well, technically you're right. I don't think it's a literal cold that's killed anyone," He shrugged his shoulders gently, switching which one of my feet that he was massaging. "So as long as it's just that, it's no big deal. As you've told me many, many times before."

Yeah, I had said that when he had first finally pushed me about the sniffling and lethargy about getting out of bed. At least I knew that he had been listening to me all those times.

"Sure, whatever," I shifted slightly. "I want to go with you to the Heflin house today, though."

"You know I can take care of it. It's super clean." He chuckled.

"I know, I know," I waved my hand at him. "But I still want to. Fresh air could be good for me. Besides, it does get tiring of sticking around inside of this house, even if you are good company. I like biking. I used to do it for fun, and to stay in shape. It was a lot more fun than running around the block, that's for sure." I grinned. Sure, I was tired, but I was feeling better today than I had the past few days. I couldn't be coming down with anything more serious.

Right?

Jackson was the only one that I had been around in the past few weeks. We had been around all of the same things, had the same meals, shared the same water and everything else. If I was coming down with something legitimate, then he should have been coming down with it too. We were doing all the same things. If he was fine, then I was going to be fine, too.

Thinking of the two of us as a singular unit had started to shape my mind in the past two weeks. Maybe it helped a bit knowing that he was just fine after he had hit his head and blacked out for longer than I had liked. But it helped to eradicate some of the loneliness that had haunted me since this had all started and it helped me get rid of those negative feelings about myself and the rest of the world to think of me and him together, in one way or another. It was nice and healthy. It made the world look like a little bit of a brighter place, it made putting effort into building a community with him that much more inspiring. I liked it.

Whether he did or not, well, that was another conversation. Bringing it up was something big. In some ways, we knew everything about each other – the day to day stuff, how well we got along, what he was good at and what I was better off doing myself. We'd talked about our work plenty. But there were still things that I didn't know. Things I wanted to. It went both ways, of course. I was sure he knew more about me given this was my childhood home that we lived in.

I still knew some things, though. I knew that he loved his mom, that she had been the only one there for him growing up. He'd gone to boarding school and Ivy League, of course. He had worked hard and killed his MCAT when no one expected him to. I admired that.

He was a good man. Fortunately, there wasn't any question about that.

"Just let me know when you want to go. You should eat a little something before you do. There's still some of that jerky – the older stuff. Might as well eat it before it goes bad." Jackson spoke.

"Yeah, alright," I agreed. "I'm ready if you are." I murmured, wiggling my toes.

"Okay," he agreed. "It shouldn't be too hot out, either."

Swinging my legs off of the couch, I stood up a little too quickly. I reached above my head and stretching out my back and shoulders. A little food and water in my system and I would be good to go, I was sure of that much. I had spent too much time cooped up inside.

Jackson took over for getting out the little snack and water. He had made himself super comfortable around the house and I was glad for that. It wasn't like having a guest staying over, constantly worrying about whether things were tidy and appropriate for company. It was just like living with a partner, an equal. Maybe even a boyfriend or something.

Once it was all consumed, we both stepped outside. I paused on the porch, feeling the sun warming my skin and rolling up the sleeves of my plaid shirt a few times. It really was a wonderful day outside. I was glad to be out.

"It feels so nice out." I stepped off the porch, spinning around with my arms stretched out.

"You look happy," Jackson commented. I stopped and looked at him. There was a clear smile on my face, even a tingle of adoration in his eyes. I stepped forward to him, kissing him softly.

"That's because I am happy." I shrugged. "Really happy, actually."

"Maybe a little sunlight was all that you needed after all." His hands gave my hips a squeeze.

"Maybe." I grinned.

We walked around the back of the house to the bikes and got on. Instead of me leading to the Heflin house, I let him ride ahead of me this time. He had been going on his own which meant that he definitely knew the way to and from. Maybe it was silly to think that he had found a home here when it could have just been a matter of convenience for him, but it felt like it to me.

Maybe we were just alone together.

Or maybe it really was something more between the two of us. I didn't know what it was like to live with someone in a longterm relationship but I had seen the way that my parents navigated around each other. They had a wonderful and loving relationship, something that I had always looked up to. Now, Jackson and I were the ones who gravitated to and from around each other, functioning together like a unit instead of two very different parts. It was so nice to be apart of something real with him.

The bike ride to the house didn't feel long with such pleasant weather. Fall had truly begun, the weather now appropriate for long sleeves or layering shirts. Jeans were comfortable instead of just borderline too much. Some of the leaves now began to match the color of my hair.

Before long, the house was in sight. Just a couple more minutes and we had reached the house, dismounting our bikes and leaning them up against the side of the house.

"The spinach was looking a little weak last time, but hopefully it's picked back up," Jackson said.

"Hopefully," I agreed. "Did you ever get up into the attic to see if there was anything there?"

"Not yet," he shook his head. "Wasn't able to find the hook to pull the doors down. I'm sure you could get up on my shoulders and we would be able to find it that way, though." He suggested, glancing over at me to see how I felt about the idea.

"Works for me," I agreed with a nod of my head. "Never know what we might find up there."

Even if I didn't like invading the privacy of people that I had once known and grown up with, there was something interesting about seeing what had been left behind, and finding out more about those people. It was still invasive, of course. He didn't seem quite as bothered by any of it, though, and that had helped me to lighten up about it. I was sure someone had gone through and trashed what I had left behind in Chicago.

My hand found his as we walked around to the front of the house so I could climb in through the window, and let him in through the front door. I wasn't sure how exactly he had been getting in the past few trips on his own, but I figured we might as well get back into old habits again. I paused, realizing that the front door of the house was wide open.

"Did you leave the door open last time?" I asked.

Jackson paused his steps, his brow forming a deep furrow. "No, I didn't."

My bottom lip drew between my teeth as I stared at it for a moment, taking a deep breath. It was always possible that someone happened to pass through – they could have left the front door open without thinking about it, assuming that no one else was going to be coming and going. It was easy to kick in the door and leave it there without thinking about it.

But if someone was currently inside of the house, that was a different story.

Neither of us was armed. We had grown comfortable with going to and from the place and never even paused to think about it when we had left our house to come over here. I always armed myself when I was going out into town out of an abundance of caution. Rarely had I used it. The only time that I had ever shot someone had been inside of my own home, not venturing out for supplies or anything else. Now that I felt like I might actually need to be armed, I didn't have anything with me. Typical. At least I wasn't alone here. I was definitely glad that he hadn't gone alone. I don't know what I would have done if he hadn't returned.

"What do we do?" I whispered, looking up at him.

"We need to see if they're still there." He answered. I knew that reasonably, but it was going to be considerably more complicated when we had no way to really defend ourselves if things went south.

"Maybe we should go in the back. Or check around the windows, see if they're still there and if they are, make sure that it's just one or two people." Any more than that and I would be set to turn around and come back in a few hours, armed, even if they would likely to be gone by then.

Except, well, maybe they wouldn't be gone by then. The whole reason that we had been going to and from the house so frequently was so that we could make it suitable for other people to live in again. The garden was set up, there was running water. That was pretty much ideal compared to what you found at most places these days. They could very well be happy to set themselves up there. Either way, we had to know. I just didn't want to risk our own safety with this.

"Let me look in the window that you normally go in through," Jackson suggested.

"Okay." I agreed.

I followed him up the porch, both of us being careful of where we placed our weight against the old wood. Even if we knew the house well, right now none of that knowledge was really going to help us. There were no ways to sneak in, no weapons left out. We just had to hope that we would be able to figure this out on our own.

His view inside of the window was better than my own from behind him. At first, I couldn't see anything other than the house that I knew – a portion of the couch and one of the chairs in the living room, but that was about it.

"Do you hear anything?" I whispered.

"Shh." Jackson hushed me quickly, turning back and placing his hand over my mouth. I nodded my head quickly to show him that I had gotten the message, squatting down a little lower. He removed his hand after a moment, placing his fingers over his lips to tell me to stay quiet.

After seconds of silence, I can hear voices on the inside of the house. A man speaking, then a few seconds later, a woman responding. We both pressed up against the side of the house and I tried to slow down my heart rate.

"Just the man and woman. Man's probably in his late forties. A woman in her late twenties, early thirties."

Another couple, just like us.

I nodded my head so he knew that I had heard him, taking a deep breath and straightening to stand up again, trying to maintain being concealed by keeping my back against the outside of the house. Based on their conversation, they were looking for supplies but were impressed with the place. Any other circumstance and I probably would have been glad to hear the man say something like that. For the moment, though, I can't be.

"Did you see if they were armed?" I asked.

"No," he shook his head. "Didn't see anything but I'm not sure."

"We can't just hide out here forever. We have to do something." I wet my lips, glancing around.

"I know," Jackson agreed with a slight nod. "Just follow my lead, okay?"

Staring at him hesitantly, I took a deep breath before giving a nod of my head in agreement. Jackson straightened up and moved past the window, pausing just before the front door. I could see his shoulders rise and fall as he tried to calm himself. After Gary, confrontation was a sensitive area for the both of us.

"Hey." He announced clearly as he stepped inside, his hands in clear sight. "Hey, no need to be alarmed, alright? It's just me and my girl. We've been in and out of this place."

I followed him inside, getting a glance at the two strangers myself. The girl was about my size, dark and messy hair somewhat braided out of her face. She had had large, chocolate eyes that stared at the both of us with absolute panic. It was a little relaxing to know that she seemed just as freaked out about us being there as we had been about realizing the two of them were here. They were no more ready to face any company than we were, it seemed.

"Are you sick?" The male asked. He was older, salt and pepper hair with a scraggly looking beard, standing about the same height as Jackson did.

"No, we're both healthy," I answered quickly. "Are you?"

"No." He answered, eyeing the both of us skeptically.

"We're not here to scare you off or anything," Jackson spoke again, raising up his hands so that they could see he wasn't armed. "We just weren't expecting to see anyone else here. The last person who came through these parts tried to attack us. We're just being careful now."

Even though I knew that he was going to try and navigate this situation with as much caution as possible, I hadn't expected him to be so point blank honest with them. It wasn't a bad thing, just surprising.

"Why did he attack you?" The female finally spoke, her voice timid.

Jackson and I shared a look, silently trying to figure out if the truth was the best choice.

"Because we're doctors," I answered after a hesitant moment. "Doctors couldn't save his life and he decided to take that out on us. But we don't want any trouble with you or anyone else."

"You're both doctors?" The man asked, looking between us.

"Yes," Jackson nodded. "My name's Jackson, this is April. I used to be a plastic surgeon before all of this, and she used to be a trauma surgeon." He introduced.

"Huh." He huffed out, his gaze unwavering for a moment.

 _What?_ My question was silent, brows forming a deep furrow as I waited for him to speak again.

"What?" Jackson finally asked so I didn't have to.

"I used to be a plastic surgeon, too," he finally spoke. "My name is Mark Sloan. This is Lexie. She doesn't really speak a lot anymore." He finally looked away from the both of us to give a glance at her. She didn't say a word, seeming to back up his statement.

"Mark Sloan? As in the Mark Sloan?" Jackson questioned with raised brows.

"Yeah, the Mark Sloan." He answered with a nod.

I glanced over at Jackson for a moment, trying to rack my brain of where I had heard the name before. Admittedly, I didn't keep up a lot with plastic surgery. Burn treatment here and there, but most of that was either low priority compared to other injuries a trauma victim may have sustained or ended up passed on to someone who did specialize in treating burns. There was still something a little familiar about it, though, and I was sure that Jackson wouldn't pull an act like that out of his ass completely. He must have really heard of the guy before.

"I have to admit, I always wanted to meet you," Jackson chuckled. "But I definitely never thought that it was going to be under circumstances like this one." He stepped forward, offering his hand.

To my surprise, Mark took it and gave it a shake.

"Well, it's always a pleasure to meet an Avery." He charmed.

I stepped forward, following their lead, but noticed that Lexie didn't do the same. She had her arms folded across her chest, seeming to shrink herself even smaller than what she already was. Mark seemed to be a little more at ease knowing who we were, but she hadn't loosened up a bit since we had stepped inside of the room. Maybe I could help with that.

"I'm not a hot shot like them either," I said to her with a small smile, sniffling. "What did you do before?"

"Are you sure that you're not sick?" Lexie questioned.

"Yeah, of course." I nodded vigorously, noticing that Mark had looked over at me upon her question. "It's just a bit of a runny nose. A cold at the worst, really. But it's nothing, I swear, I'm not sick. I wouldn't be out and about like this if I was. I know the risk." I explained quickly.

Both of them stared at me uneasily and I took a deep breath, forcing an awkward smile on my face. There was no way to deal with this simply. They had no reason to believe me, either.

"I promise, I'm not sick." I reiterated.

"She's not," Jackson backed me up, stepping over to me and placing his hand on my shoulder to give it a supportive squeeze. "Trust me, the first thing that she did when she met me was checking me out and make sure that I wasn't sick. I'd know if she was sick and I wouldn't be around her if she was. This place here is safe." He assured them.

"Has there been a lot of sickness in this area?" Mark asked.

"Not recently," I shook my head. "It was a small town, farms. More cows than people at one point, I swear. There hasn't been anyone else living here besides the two of us for awhile. I've scrubbed every inch of my house, and we've done this house, too. It's clean."

"Why have you been cleaning this house, too?" Lexie asked, speaking up again.

I wet my lips, glancing over at Jackson.

Who we were building the community for was one thing that we had never really been able to figure out, not the specifics of it, at least. I wanted a place that people could call home, something at least vaguely resembling a town again, even if it wasn't going to have shops and businesses and an economy in the way that life had been before. But I wanted it to be a safe place for other people, as germ-free as possible, with food and water. I wanted all of the basics to be there. We had turned one place livable and it hadn't taken that long. There were other places to be changed over still. The dream wasn't gone.

But a part of making the dream a reality meant that we were going to have to share it with other people. That was an opportunity that hadn't been discussed just yet because there had been no real reason to. But here, there was one, standing right in front of us.

"We want Moline to be a safe haven," I answered. "Somewhere clean and healthy that people could live again. Somebody told us there was a place in New Hampshire. We don't know if it's true. But we thought that we could build one of our own." I explained.

"Just the two of you?" Mark asked.

"Yeah," Jackson answered with a nod. "Our place is good, and we turned this place around completely. There's water, a garden. It's not a ton of stuff, but it's enough to live on."

"You could have it if you wanted," I stated impulsively. "We made it for something else."

Both of them were silent for a moment after I spoke, likely not expecting me to say it. I hadn't even realized that I was going to through it out there as a possibility until the words were already out of my mouth, too far gone to take back or discuss with Jackson. I glanced over at him. He didn't look angry, just surprised. That was probably a good reaction.

"Where are you guys staying?" Mark asked.

"A couple miles east of here. We bike around." It was probably a slight exaggeration of the distance, but I could understand why he was saying that.

"And you're really offering it to us? Complete strangers?" He continued.

"Yeah." I nodded. "Sometimes you have to take a leap of faith and I really do want this to be a safe place for people. A community. And a community requires people, so…" Hopefully, he could at least understand that.

Mark looked at Lexie, stepping back toward her. "We could stay here for a few days," he mused, touching her arm lightly. "Lex, what do you think about that?"

"Okay," Lexie murmured with her gaze on her feet.

"Maybe I can show Lexie the garden, and Jackson, you could show Mark around the house?" I suggested, looking between the three of them with raised brows.

"No," Lexie answered quickly, shooting me a death glare. I tensed, unsure what I had done wrong.

"You can show me the garden," Mark interjected quickly. "Lexie's more the indoor type."

I nodded my head in agreement with his adjustment to the words, awkward smile forced upon my lips. I wasn't sure what I had done wrong to her or if the few sniffles were really that bothersome, but I didn't want to push the matter and make either of them any more uncomfortable than what it appeared she already was.

Mark followed me outside and I walked him around to the side of the house to show him where the garden was, pointing out what the different vegetables were. I let him know about the water and the natural stove. He had a lighter, so they would be fine for that.

"Do you mind if I asked you a question?" I asked, sniffling despite myself.

"Go for it." He answered.

"Did I do something wrong? To make Lexie dislike me?" Maybe it was silly to be insecure about such a thing when there were so many worse things in the world at the time, but I just wanted to know.

"No," he answered. "Lexie has some pretty bad PTSD. She had to shoot her sister when she got sick. Her sister went… a little off the rails when she got sick and it's been hard on her to deal with what sense. She hasn't really been the same."

"None of us are the same as we were before," I murmured with a sympathetic look.

Jackson and I both settled to get them into the house and we got the door aligned correctly again after they had busted it in. The lock was broken but there were worse things to worry over.

The bike ride back to the house felt longer than usual, but only because I was bursting to talk about Mark and Lexie. Even if this was just a baby step in the right direction, it felt like a much larger one than the ones that we had already been taking to get things set up. We had people. Neighbors. Two smart, healthy – well, physically healthy which was the priority at the moment, neighbors. Even if it was just the two of us in the house, I no longer felt like we were the only people left in the world.

By the time that we were dismounted from both the bikes and had put them up, slinging off our empty backpacks on the hooks by the door, I could no longer keep quiet.

"Can you believe that?" I blurted out.

"I…no, I really can't," Jackson admitted with a chuckle, scratching the back of his head. "I just met one of my surgical role models during the literal end of the world." He laughed.

"We have a community!" I beamed at him, weight bouncing from heal to toe with excitement. I spun around the living room a little too fast, accidentally making myself dizzy and stumbling back down onto the couch. But the smile never faltered from my lips. "We actually did it, Jackson. We made something bigger."

"You did, yeah." He looked down at me with a smile.

"I didn't think that I would be able to have dreams or goals after everything that happened, you know?" I began to ramble. "I thought that life was just going to be about surviving and that there wasn't going to be anything more to it. That would just be it. Food, water, and shelter. I'm so grateful to have those things, of course, I'm not taking any of that for granted. It was hard to set it up on my own and getting that house set up with you helping was a million times easier. But I just never thought that I would have dreams again, let alone dreams that actually come true."

Jackson sat down on the couch next to me, his arm slinging around my shoulder and drawing me in against him. "I'm happy for you, April. And I'm sure they're really happy to get such a nice set up like that." He expressed.

"You're happy too, right?" I looked up at him with wide eyes. "You're glad about how all of this has turned out? I mean, I know that this was m dream more than it was yours, but I want you to be happy about this in the same way that I am. I want this to be our thing, not just mine." I spoke perhaps a little too quickly.

"It does make me happy, April. Seeing you happy and being a part of something more… both of those things make me really, really happy." Jackson answered, rubbing up and down on my arm.

"That's good." I smiled. "Because I love you, and I want you to be happy."

I might as well be honest.


	7. Chapter 7

**_JACKSON_**

I love you were three relatively simple words. Despite that, there was still a sentiment attached to them that did not compare to most other words in the English language. Saying them was one of those moments were less really did mean more.

Hearing April say those words to me was an unexpected surprise. We hadn't known each other that long – not really. But perhaps the same rules of time didn't quite apply when you were constantly around one another for the sake of survival at the end of the world. Everything moved at a different pace, beyond sleeping with her the first time that I had met her. It was necessary to build trust in order to stay around someone for this long, in order to more or less build a life with her. That had already been established between us, whether it was blindly so or properly earned, it was still there. There wasn't a thing in the world that I wouldn't have done for her.

"I love you too, April." I returned the words to her softly. "And I also want you to be happy."

Turning toward her, I pressed my lips into her forehead for a moment before bending down to capture hers between my own. She was soft as always, shifting to turn herself toward me. I adjusted myself, moving my arm from around her shoulders to her waist to give her more room to move around with.

There was no doubt in my mind that April was an amazing woman who was more than deserving of love and compassion from anyone and everyone. She was full of kindness for the world around her even in the darkest of times. That was something that most people couldn't manage. I hadn't been able to manage it myself. Being around her was the only thing that had managed to bring a little light and something good in my life in the past few months.

Being alone had been hard on me. I had never allowed myself to stop long enough to think about who I had become and everything that I was doing in the name of survival. Everyone had flaws and lines that they were willing to cross, lines that they would have never thought they were willing to cross until they were already on the other side of it. I had been there. I had done that. I had left people for dead. They would not have survived anyway, but I had essentially nailed them into the coffin by leaving them behind. Even though I had seen April fall apart after having to kill one person in the heat of the moment, I knew that if it was asked of me, I could do it again if it meant keeping the both of us alive.

But now wasn't the time to ponder about the things that I had done in the past. Whatever had been done, now I had a way to justify it. That survival had led me to her. It had led me to a better place, a better person. That meant something.

"I love you," I repeated the words against her lips but this time there was something heavier there, clinging to her harder than before. My arm wrapped around her waist and pulled her against me. I could feel her legs adjust and wrap around my waist, grabbing onto her thigh with one hand and running up and down the material of her jeans. Even like this, the warmth inside of her heart seemed to radiate.

We weren't capable of staying there for long. With her legs wrapped around my waist, I stand up and carry her up the stairs slowly, taking her to her bedroom.

This time when we fall into bed together again, it's drastically different than the first time. There was still a sense of desperation and longing there, but it wasn't the same as it had been – this was much more than just the need and carnal desire for the warmth and touch of another person. This was the need to be with someone that you loved, to take care of one another in an intimate way. This wasn't fucking, it was making love. I hadn't done it before, not like this. There had been plenty of sex in the day, relationships, but never making love quite so intensely.

Moving inside of her is easy, finding the pace that made the two of us into one. April held onto me tightly, her nails running down my back and leaving marks to make equal of the ones that I leave along the slope of her neck. I let her finish before pulling out and finishing on top of her, cleaning her up with my mouth and bringing her to the edge again.

Falling asleep with an arm curled around her waist that night was only the natural thing to do. One goal had been checked off the list for the both of us. She was the happiest that I had seen her perhaps ever since running into her. I wanted to see more of that joy from her.

Much to my surprise, when I finally wake up in the morning with mild warmth from the sun flooding in through the open curtains, I'm alone in bed. I roll over to where I expected her to be before curling her eyes, falling forward onto my chest and stomach. I blinked my eyes open before realizing properly that she was no longer in the bed with me, pausing to listen. I couldn't hear her anywhere, but that wasn't abnormal. She was light on her feet.

My back popped as I got up and out of bed, heading down the stairs. April was in the kitchen, wearing nothing more than a baggy shirt and panties, working on breakfast.

Sneaking up behind her, I pressed up against her, hands on her hips. "Good morning." I murmured, pressing a kiss into the soft skin where her neck met her shoulder.

"Morning," she breathed out, pressing back into me.

"I thought we'd have another round this morning and then I woke up alone," I commented. She turned to face me and I wrapped my arms around her waist, resting my chin on top of her head and just holding her against my front for a moment. "I was offended," I teased her.

"Sorry," April laughed against me. "But I got excited when I came up with plans today and couldn't just stay in bed any longer. I wanted to get a head start on breakfast and everything else."

"What do you have in mind?" I asked, eyebrows perking up with interest.

Before answering me, she turned around and snaked out of my arms to pick up the bowls of oatmeal that she had pieced together, a few dried cranberries sprinkled on top of the mix. I took one from her and sat down at the table with a spoon, waiting for her to answer my question.

"So, there's another farm that I thought would be good to set up. It's a little bigger than the Heflin's. It belonged to the Brown family," April began, pausing to put a spoonful of food into her mother and swallow it. "They were a big family. Six kids. Five boys and one girl, actually. It was always kind of chaotic over there. Anyways, I don't actually know what happened to them. I've only been to their place once because it's a little further but it is a big house, so if we had a bigger group come through, I think it would be good for that," she explained thoroughly.

"You've been thinking about it a lot, I can tell," I remarked, taking another spoonful.

"I fell asleep thinking about it," she admitted with a sheepish shrug of her shoulders.

"And here I thought you fell asleep about me," I said with a loud laugh.

"Well, that too." She giggled, shaking her head and I caught the playful roll of her eyes. "But I'm quite good at multitasking. Meeting Mark and Lexie… it just got me so excited, for all of this. I can tell that Lexie didn't like me very much but when I spoke to Mark, well, apparently she's had some issues for awhile and it wasn't anything personal. I don't know. Maybe he was just being nice to me since we offered the place. But I'm so excited about all of this." She beamed, babbling on joyfully.

Even though she was waiting for me to say something, I couldn't help but just stare at her for a moment with a soft smile on my face. There was the abundance of joy that I loved to see on her features, bright and early in the morning.

"Also, since it's a little far away, I was thinking that we could just stay there for a night or two while we clean and set up the house. That way we don't kill quite as much time with all of the going to and from, save some energy..." she spoke again when I didn't fill in the silence.

"That's fine with me." I agreed with a nod of my head.

"Okay, good. Because I got a little excited and already packed up bags for us," April grinned sheepishly, pointing out two full backpacks sitting on the couch.

Shaking my head with an amused grin pulled across my features, I set out to finish the meal along with her. Seeing her this enthusiastic about getting another house prepared was filling me with an energy that I hadn't had in a long time. The first time, it had been easy enough to go along with it. But now, I could feel my own energy and excitement there, beyond just the contagious nature of hers.

With everything in the house tidied up, I helped her lock up and grabbed the heavier of the two backpacks as we made our way back to the bikes. She warned me that it was a bit of a long ride, and I was just glad the heat of the sun wasn't too bad.

It was a long enough ride for it to be quite a bit more mind-numbing than some of the other ones. I realized it was quite literally on the opposite side of town given that we passed through the main street, the first store that we had bumped into each other in, which probably explained why she had not ventured to it very frequently before. Minimizing excessive movement was one of the easier ways to try and stay safe, and avoid people who might have been sick in the first place. I wouldn't have felt comfortable with her traveling around on her own, even if I knew that she had taken care of herself for months before we had met.

Turning up onto a dirt road made it clear enough that we were just about there. A house was approaching, bigger than the Kepner family one. I knew that one was only a three bedroom. I figured this one had to be at least a four if they had six kids running around. It looked like it would be a good place for a big group of people.

"Is this it?" I called out to her.

"Yep!" April answered.

I followed her up to the porch of the house, stopping when she did and swinging my leg to get off the bike. It was a large two-story home, and no doubt between that and all the land, it had been easy for a family of kids to run around and grow up.

"This definitely must have been for a big family," I remarked, looking around the property.

"Yeah. They were nice people. The girl, Ellie, she was a real sweetheart. A couple years younger than me and I babysat her once or twice." There was a fond smile on her cheeks.

"Let's head inside," I suggested, leaning the bike against the porch and heading up the steps.

April followed me up the steps and I checked the door handle. It was locked. We each checked one of the windows on the front – they were either locked or had been shut for so long that they had no luck opening from the outside at the moment. We walked around the back side of the house and got lucky. Whenever this family had left, it seemed like they hadn't bothered to lock up the back door. They had probably been in a hurry.

Stepping inside first, knowing that she was on my heels with a gun in her hand, I looked around quickly. It was dark inside, the curtains drawn shut and no electricity, the light coming in from the door offering minimal lighting. No one was in sight, predictably. I moved around the outside of the room, opening up the curtains to allow more light inside.

"Looks like a nice place," I commented with a nod now that there was more light. There was a large sofa and a couple chairs. This was clearly what had been the family room at one point.

"They were pretty wealthy. I mean, wealthy compared to the rest of us around here." April explained. "I don't think that anyone else would have been able to afford six kids. My family could barely do the four of us, and we were all girls."

I nodded to let her know that I was listening, moving further into the house. The kitchen was just past the family room, spacious with plenty of counter room. Out of habit, I began to go through the cabinets. There were plenty of plates and cups, a ridiculous amount of coffee mugs. To my surprise, there was also a few cans of food left in the top of one cabinet. Beans and soup. Both would be good to take. I pulled them down for her to see.

"Oh my gosh, look at this!" April squealed out.

I turned around. To my disbelief, she was holding up a six pack of bottled Deja Blue water.

"Who the hell leaves behind bottled water?" I asked, grinning.

"They must have been in a hurry. It was behind the pantry door. I guess that made it easy to mix. There are some Cheerios in there, too. I bet their stale but it's been so long since I've had cereal, I don't even remember what it's supposed to be like." She rambled on excitedly.

"That's great." I nodded in approval, continuing to go through some of my cabinets. When I reached those about the refrigerator, I raised myself up on the countertop to open it up. Inside there was a half-full bottle of whiskey and another mostly full bottle of vodka. I guess it had been too out of reach for most people to go through given I couldn't even reach it without climbing up onto something else. "Damn, that's nice," I remarked, pulling the bottles down.

"You're going to get me drunk again, aren't you?" She asked, looking at me with raised brows.

"Maybe," I shrugged my shoulders easily. "Come on, let's keep looking. This place is full of treasures."

Feeling invigorated by the items that we had already found thus far, I moved down the hallway and opened up another one of the doors. It appeared to be the master bedroom based on the king size bed in the room, though it wasn't particularly large. There was a dusty mirror in the corner, particles caught by the light from broken blinds. I walked past the bathroom, going through the drawers and snagging some of the floss, and then into the closet.

A guitar case was sitting up against the wall, peeking out from one of the holes in the closet where a handful of hangers had been grabbed and removed. I walked over to it curiously, setting it down on the floor and opening it up. Inside laid a beautiful acoustic guitar.

It had been a long time since I had played guitar and yet as I picked the instrument up, the weight felt familiar in my hands. I strummed along a few chords for a moment. It was a little sharp, but not unbearable. Walking out of the bedroom, I strummed a few chords a little louder, familiarizing myself with the instrument again and trying to get April's attention.

"You found a guitar?" April gasped loudly.

"Damn right I did," I nodded, a chuckle parting my lips.

I continued to strum the strings of the guitar for a moment, watching the light return to her features. A smile of my own pushed across the corners of my lips, trying to remember some of the songs that I had been able to play all of the years ago when I had done this. I probably hadn't picked one up since college.

The moment is ruined quickly, however, by the sound of a door swinging open and hitting a wall.

Both our heads jerked in the general direction of the noise, realizing that one of the doors in the hallway had been opened up. I set down the guitar quickly and April stepped forward, cocking the gun and clicking off the safety to point it down the hallway.

Slowly, someone stepped out.

All it took was one look at the girl to make it clear that she was sick. Her skin was deathly pale and it looked like she had been in the basement – surely not helping with her complexion or getting better whatsoever. Her skin was also slightly jaundiced. The bags beneath her eyes were dark and she turned to look at us. We hadn't been quiet once it had appeared to be empty, it was no surprise that she had head us laughing and playing around. It was impossible to identify what the girl had from looks alone, but whatever it was, it didn't need to be near either of us. Especially since it seemed like April's immune system had been compromised already.

"Who are you?" I barked out.

"Ellie?" April asked softly.

The girl looked past me and at April, taking another step forward. I tensed and stepped back, placing my hand on April's arm to keep her from moving any closer to the girl. She looked a few years younger than my companion. Was this the daughter she had been talking about?

"April? April Kepner?" The girl asked with wide eyes, staring in disbelief.

"Yeah, hi," she answered quickly. "It's me, Ellie. I'm sorry. I didn't think that you or anyone else were still here. I assumed this place was empty. Were you hiding in the basement?" She asked.

Before a verbal answer could escape, Ellie coughed, blood spitting out of her lips as she did so. I stepped back reflexively, as did April. I wanted to pull her behind me but I knew that there was no way she was going to let me do something like that. She was far too independent and I was sure that if she knew this girl, well, there was no chance of me standing between them.

"No, I stay down there," Ellie answered. "I didn't know who you were." She finally answered.

"You're sick…" April's voice trailed off as she stated the obvious and I glanced over, seeing the concern that had furrowed together her brows. She clearly didn't like this. She took a step closer to Ellie and I tensed. "Do you know what you have?"

Ellie shook her head.

"What are your symptoms?" She asked.

Although the kindness that filled April's heart was one of the things that I absolutely loved most about her, I didn't want her to put herself in a position like this where she could risk getting infected with something that we had no way of treating or curing. Sure, I knew that she had some band-aids back at the house, gaze and a few other emergency medical supplies. But it wasn't the type of thing to treat a serious illness, let alone one that most doctors were incapable of treating at a fully equipped and staffed hospital. She didn't need to martyr herself just because she was a good person.

"Mostly just the coughing up blood," Ellie muttered. It was obvious she was trying to minimize it. I couldn't blame her. If I was in her position, I would have done the exact same thing to stay safe. April wasn't a threat to her. I couldn't make the same promise for myself.

"Let me feel your forehead." April murmured. I tensed as she stepped forward again and placed her hand across the pale forehead, coated in a sheen layer of sweat. "You're burning up. How long have you had a fever?"

"I dunno," she muttered, looking down. She coughed again harshly, wheezing as she caught her breath. "Awhile. Been hard to eat and drink." She muttered.

"April, maybe we should talk about this…" I hesitated, eyeing her.

"Talk about what, Jackson? She's sick. We have to help her." April replied, looking back at me.

"It's probably tuberculosis." I pointed out.

There was silence for a moment after my announcement from the both of them. Even if Ellie didn't have any medical experience, TB was always something that was frightening to hear from a doctor. It may have been more common in the parts of the world that had once been developing nations but it still happened in America, too, and there had been a sharp spike in the number of cases as things had all gone to shit. It wasn't a surprise to see it here.

"We should at least be putting on face masks to protect ourselves from getting infected too." I would insist on that, at the very least. I hated having her around this girl, even if it wasn't tuberculosis, there were still a dozen other dangerous things that it could be.

"Yeah, okay," April muttered in agreement.

Before we could move to get the masks out of the backpacks that we had brought with us, Ellie coughed again. This time it was directly onto April. I lurched between them, shoving Ellie to get her away from April. Some of the coughs ended up on me and I can feel her blood hit my face, quickly wiping it off into the sleeve of my shirt. She stumbled backward onto the ground, splaying out on her back.

"Jackson!" April yelled.

I didn't respond and Ellie continued to cough up blood. "Stay back." I wanted her, holding out my hand toward her and hoping that she would heed my words.

Rolling Ellie onto her side, a pool of blood began to form in front of her mouth from how much blood she was coughing up. If she had tuberculosis, there was no doubt that she had been suffering from it severely based on the jaundiced appearance of her skin. There was nothing that we had to treat her, either. Maybe, at most, we could try and make her comfortable, but there was only one way that this was going to end. Ellie was going to die. It was just a matter of how much she was going to suffer between now and then.

"April, there's nothing we can do for her." I glanced over at her, watching as she wiped the blood that Ellie had coughed up off her cheeks. "We have nothing to treat her with. You know that."

"We can't just leave her to die, Jackson." She insisted, furrowing her brow.

Using one knee to keep her propped up on her side so that she wouldn't drown in coughing up her own blood, I carefully pulled off my shirt, not wanting to mess around with any more of the blood that she had coughed up. I cleaned up Ellie's chin slightly, though it seemed to be a wasted effort as she continued to cough more.

"I'm in so much pain." Ellie cried out, her gaze sparkling with years.

"We have to do something for her, Jackson." April pleaded with me.

"We can."

I knew that she wouldn't like it. But there was only one thing that we could truly do to ease her suffering without any medication here for her. If I was sick like this, whether it was tuberculosis or anything else that was certain to kill me, I know what I would have wanted to be done. But I also knew that April wouldn't agree with it. That was why I just had to do it, not leave it up for discussion an argument. This time, pleading for forgiveness would be the better option against asking for permission.

Taking a deep breath, I used my shirt to cover Ellie's mouth and nose to prevent her from breathing. This would be faster than allowing her to die of the disease. Wasting ammunition… well, a gun might have been faster, but she was relatively easy to tame and that couldn't be guaranteed for everything. She was small. I could cover her mouth and prevent her from breathing. With a tight grip, it wouldn't be too long.

"Jackson, what the hell are you doing?" April hissed out, holding up a mask over her face.

"Euthanasia." It was illegal in most of the United States. Physician-assisted death was legal in Washington state. But the same rules and laws of society no longer applied since everything had fallen out. This seemed like the most merciful thing that I could do for her, the only option that protected me and April, and eased her suffering.

"Jackson, no! You can't do that. We have to help her. We have to help her, Jackson, please, stop." Though she was pleading, she didn't step forward to try and physically stop my actions.

"You know that there's nothing you or I can do for her," I reminded her as I looked over, tightening my jaw. This was hard to do. It was the right thing to do, but it was still difficult. But it wasn't something that I would regret, even if she didn't agree with it.

April fell silent and she stared at me as I kept my grip tight on her. For the first few seconds, Ellie resisted. I could feel her dying to suck in air desperately, the cloth of my shirt moving into her mouth slightly with her attempts. I stayed firm and looked up for a moment. There was no God out there. I was certain that no God would have ever allowed all of this would happen to the planet and everyone who remained on it. But if there was a higher power out there, hell, I hoped they would understand why this was necessary.

Sometimes the best thing wasn't the right thing.

Painfully slow minutes moved by, keeping count in my head. Five minutes was the best thing to do, her heart would stop beating and her brain would die without oxygen. Without anyone to resuscitate her, that was all there would be to it. It was almost simple.

Almost.

The way that April stared at me was the only thing that produced conflict inside of my head. I knew that this was something I had done in the past, but it hadn't been quite so personal as suffocation. With her staring at me, I had to stop and think about everything I was doing. But the thoughts were not enough to stop my actions. She would forgive me. She would understand, even if not at this exact moment.

Finally, I released her, letting go of my shirt and standing up again. "I'll clean this up," I promised.

Without a word, she just stared at me. The freckled bridge of her nose was scrunched up and it was clear that she couldn't find the words to say. I didn't blame her. After the way that she had freaked out about killing Gary even though that had been a situation where it was clearly necessary, something that had a little more gray mixed into the picture was bound to produce a reactive like this one. Or worse, really. It could have been much worse than this. I suppose I should have been grateful for that much.

"Why don't you get started with some of the stuff upstairs?" I suggested.

She gave a jerky nod of her head and turned around without saying another word to me. I wasn't going to push it. This was the kind of thing that she no doubt needed some time to process and I wasn't going to force her into feeling one thing or another. Hopefully, she would come around to it at the end of the day. If she didn't, well, I wasn't sure what would happen.

Out back, there were plenty of farm tools of use, a shovel included. I moved the body and buried it under a tree, making sure that the hole was plenty deep before putting her in and beginning to refill it with dirt. Digging a grave took longer than I thought.

I guess there were still things left to learn at the end of the world.

Not wanting to disturb her even after I had finished up tending to the body, I began to clean up some of the outside of the house, tearing down some of the ivy that had grown up one side of the house and pulling weeds from the garden. There were a few carrots and something else that I couldn't identify quite as easily. I would leave that to her, she was better with plants and gardening than I was. I was just trying to spend as much time taking care of things on the outside as possible to give her space.

Eventually, the sun was setting, and I do make my way back on the inside. April was organizing things in the kitchen. She looked up at me when I entered and didn't say a word.

"I think we should talk about it, April…" I murmured, letting out a sigh.

"I'm not ready to." She shook her head. "I'm going to sleep upstairs tonight. Why don't you sleep in the bedroom downstairs? Maybe we can talk tomorrow." Even as she spoke, she didn't look at me, staring very particularly at the label on a can of soup.

"Okay. We can do that." I agreed.

Her plan goes the way that she wanted it. April didn't take long to head upstairs for the night after I had come in and I follow suit, laying down in the bedroom and staring at the ceiling. I did want to talk about it. I certainly didn't want her to hate me for doing what I thought was the best thing. I just had to hope that this wasn't going to get either of us sick – or get her worse than she already had been the past few days.

At some point during the night, I fall asleep. When I wake up again, the beginnings of a sunrise had already begun to pay through the horizon, painting a displaying of colors in the distance above an overgrown cornfield.

I got up, heading out to the kitchen and then the family room. She was in neither. I picked up the guitar from the couch.

It's easy to pinpoint which bedroom she was in because it was the only one that had an open door. I began to strum the guitar again, but this time, it's more distinct than before. It's Elvis. Maybe I was going for a cliche plan and I wasn't much of a singer, but I was hoping that I could soften her up just a bit and try to make today better than yesterday.

"Wise men say, only fools rush in… but I can't help falling in love with you." I began, leaning in the door of her bedroom. April stirred and I waited until her eyes had opened to continue. "Shall I stay? Would it be a sin? If I can't help falling in love with you.."

"What are you doing, Jackson?" She asked, her voice tired.

"I'm sorry I upset you yesterday, April." I apologized genuinely, continuing to strum the guitar. "But I do love you. And I want you to forgive me." I sat down on the edge of her bed.

She stared at me for a moment. "I didn't take you for an Elvis guy."

"My mom liked him," I shrugged. "I learned a couple of songs for her."

"I like him too," April said with a small smile. "And I do like you, too. I still love you. That's not changing, I promise. I was just… I didn't know what to think or to feel yesterday and I still don't entirely know what to feel about it, but I do forgive you. I just still need to wrap my head around it before I can really talk about it with you, you know?"

"Okay." I nodded, setting the guitar down and leaning over to kiss her forehead. "But you're going to have to get out of bed anyway, because we've got a lot of work to do."

"Yeah, I guess you're right."


	8. Chapter 8

**_APRIL_**

The entire backyard smelled like smoke.

With the ease of the transfer of tuberculosis, I had done what I thought was the best thing to try and clear the house of it. All of the things that were identified as hers and used recently had been burned – clothes, shoes, all of it. We both wore masks over our face to try and protect ourselves the best that we could from any further exposure to the germs. Jackson burned his clothes, and I got rid of mine, as well. We borrowed from the parents. His shirt was too tall, skin tight across his muscles. I looked like I belonged in some eighties show.

Focusing on working on the house and getting everything cleaned up made it easy to keep out of my head. I still couldn't completely comprehend that Jackson had been able to just kill someone like that without pausing to think about it. Killing Gary when that had been the most obvious solution to save Jackson had been difficult, and yet… he had just done that.

It was the right thing. I wasn't stupid. I understood that. Tuberculosis was incredibly contagious and from the way that she had been coughing, it would have been too easy to get infected if we had tried to stay around her. There was a chance that one of us was infected and nothing but time would tell. That was a haunting thought. It wasn't a pleasant death. Not from the disease or being killed in any form. I didn't know what we would do if one of us ended up coming down with it.

So I stay busy. That was the only thing that I could think to do in a time like this. Cleaning, again and again, kept me focused. Even if I hadn't been a fan of cleaning much throughout my life, now it was satisfying. It took up time and you could see the results of the work right in front of you. There wasn't a lot of that anymore. Neither of us really had the tools of the equipment to clean in the way that we would have before. We wipe down dust and just about anything else with old hand towels that look like they had seen better ways. Water is used in place of proper cleaning liquids and reused for that matter. But it was better than doing nothing. At least after two days of working on the house, it almost looked like a normal, livable space again. It was paying off.

After hanging up the sheets yesterday to air out and dry, I finished remaking all of the beds. It was a five-bedroom house. It could have held a lot of people. All of the windows were opened, keeping it cool and hopefully getting rid of some of the germs that remained in the air.

"How are things looking down here?" I asked as I finished descending down the stairs, finding Jackson finishing up with the kitchen. He straightened up from the oven after I spoke.

"A lot cleaner than before," Jackson answered. "I'm just about done."

"Me too." I looked around. "It does look nice in here."

"Thanks," he gave me half a smile, turning to look out the window. The sky was painted miraculously with a plethora of warm colors from the setting sun. "I guess we're going to have to stay another night here, though. It's a bit late to be heading back home."

I nodded in agreement, staring at the sky for a moment longer before looking back at him. "I'm not that tired," I admitted with a slight shrug. "My mind feels like it's still whirling."

"I'm sure that we can find something to fix that." His back turned toward me for a moment as he opened up one of the cabinets and pulled down two plastic cups from inside of it. When he turned back toward me, the bottle of whiskey was in his hands as well.

"How can you drink that stuff without a mixer?" I questioned.

"It's the end of the life as we know it, and it's all we've got. That's how." His answer was simple and accompanied by a shrug of his shoulders. There was nothing false about his statement.

"You just want to get me drunk," I accused him.

Jackson shrugged. "You're cute when you're drunk. You make it tempting. Now, are you going to join me or not?"

There's no way that I was going to say no, of course. I took one of the plastic cups and we both went to sit down on one of the couches in the living room, adjusting some of the throw pillows to try and make it more comfortable. He poured each of us a glass, or a little more – it's hard to tell in those particular cups, and I know that either way, it's going to feel like a lot to just drink as is. Even when life had been normal, I hadn't been a heavy drinker. Wine or an occasional mixed drink had been about it.

"Should we toast?" He asked.

"To what?" I raised my eyebrows.

"To us. To good health. To anything we can think of, really." Jackson replied.

"Sure." I lifted up my glass and he tapped his against mine before we both swallowed a mouthful. I cringed and tightened up my face to deal with the burn moving down my throat, sucking in a deep breath once my mouth was clear. "Jeez, that stuff is strong," I complained.

He gave another shrug of his shoulders, shifting himself. I adjusted as well, stretching out my legs and letting them rest on his lap, laying back against the arm of the couch and resting the cup on the flat plane of my stomach. I took another sip but it was no easier to swallow than the first had been. On a mostly empty stomach, it felt like all of it was just going straight to my head. For now, that was probably a good thing.

"I'm guessing you weren't much of a drinker before all of this happened." His eyebrows raised, waiting for me to nod in agreement. "Neither was I. I pretty much always went for a beer."

"Yet you still want to get me drunk and take advantage of me." I teased him with a small smile.

"I don't have to get you drunk to do that," Jackson said with a smirk.

My lips pressed together in a thin line to try and hide the smile, to no avail. His hand wrapped around my ankle and lifted it up, pressing a kiss on the inside. He didn't hesitate to move up, moving along my inner knee and up the length of my thigh. I'm already wet before he really has to touch me. I know just how good he is.

"I don't even have to get you naked." Jackson moved so that he was hovering above me. His hand slipped beneath the waistband of my baggy shorts, into cotton panties. His middle finger found my clit, rubbing slow circles. "This is all I have to do."

"Yeah?" I breathed out, eyes wide and blinking.

"Mmhm." Confidence saturated the noise of agreement, his finger beginning to move a little faster. It was so simple and yet I could feel the heat building inside of me already. He's that close to me and he looked that good. My hips bucked up against his hand, seeking out more friction, and he was more than happy to give it to me. He was certainly a giver.

It doesn't take long. Any other circumstances and I probably would have been embarrassed by how easily he could make me come undone, but it's nice to just feel good and not have to think about a thing. I cried out and clutched onto him as an orgasm washed over me and Jackson continued to rub me through it, his gaze never straying from my face as he did so. Only once I had collapsed back against the cushions of the couch did he pull his hand out of my panties, sucking the digit clean with a loud pop.

"You taste amazing." He complimented.

"You just killed me," I muttered in a daze.

The smile was still clear on his lips and he reached over for my cup of whiskey, guiding to my lips. I took two large swallows from it this time, able to tolerate it a little easier now that more of it was in my system, along with all of the wonderfully pleasant hormones from the orgasm. It's only then that I hear my own previous words.

"Can I ask you something?" I questioned after a moment, unable to clear my head of them even with his mouth working sinfully against the soft skin of my head.

"Anything," Jackson muttered, sucking gently on my pulse point till I moaned.

"Would you kill me?" I blurted out.

His mouth stopped and he pulled back from me for a moment, lifting up his weight almost entirely so that he could meet my gaze. There was something different in his eyes. It was easy to tell that I'd killed the mood and whatever boner he had previously been sporting.

"Of course not, April," Jackson answered. "Why would you even ask that?"

"What if I was sick? With TB or something else?" I countered.

For a moment, he was quiet. "No. I don't think that I could. Even if it was the right thing to do, I… No. I couldn't. I love you, April. There's not a thing in the world that would make me kill you. Tuberculosis, bird flu, Ebola, you name it. I couldn't do it."

The words should bring me some kind of sense of peace. Instead, I reach for the glass of whiskey and finish it off. My head buzzed and I knew that I was going to regret it at the moment, but at least for now, it was some kind of shot of bravery to try and justify the questions that my mind demanded I ask of him. It made me feel good, a little. I already knew that he loved me. He had said it. But there was still something a little different about this context.

"But if I was sick, I would want you to kill me, April. I know that it's not fair to ask that of you, but I would want you to put yourself first and to protect yourself. Even if it means killing me one day." His weight shifted to one side and he took my hand.

I already knew that was something that I could not do.

"I want to go to bed," I muttered.

"Okay," Jackson agreed with a nod.

He stood up and got off of the couch first before bending down and scooping me up, carrying me to the bedroom bridal style. This time, I don't kick him out of the bedroom. Instead, he curled up right behind me and spooned me with his arm wrapped tightly around my back. He was warm against my back, more than enough compensation for the cool air that came in through the open window. He was right where I needed and wanted him to be.

Sleeping wasn't particularly peaceful. Even with the assistance of alcohol in my system, I wake up a few times throughout the night and each time I feel more exhausted than the first. Jackson snored against the back of my neck, but I can't blame it for keeping me up.

After a few more rounds of wakefulness and sleep, the sun eventually began to stream in one more through the open window. My head was pounding worse than it had been before the night and there was no way that I was going to get back to sleep. Jackson still sounded like he was sleeping without a problem. It seemed like he was always a heavy sleeper. I don't wait for him to get up, gently pulling his arm off of me and slipping out of the bed.

It's only once I place my feet on the floor and stand up my world spun around me and I realized the hangover was not going to be kind enough to just be a headache. Instead, I'm sent running outside to empty my stomach.

"No more drinking…" I mumbled to myself, hands on my knees and hunched over.

I stayed in that position for a few moments with the sense of uneasiness just nearly unbearable on my stomach. My eyes squeezed shut for a moment and I shivered before straightening back up, taking a few deep breaths. Water would help. I hoped that it would, at least. I really didn't want to have to deal with this all day.

Heading back inside of the house, I cracked open one of the water bottles and took a small sip from it. I jumped at Jackson's voice, swallowing and deciding not to tell him about my nausea.

"Are you about ready to head back to the house?"

"Yeah," I nodded.

To our relief, the house was in the exact condition that we left it in.

Which really, should not have been any surprise, especially given that neither of us had been there for a couple of days. There was no reason for anyone to find us. There had never been one in the first place.

That became the next project. If we were going to make this place livable for other people, they had to actually know that it was livable. Fortunately, art supplies weren't something that most people had thought to pack up or take with them when it came to getting out of town in a hurry. We make posters and hang them up around town, offering directions to our house. We go back to the Brown's place and make it clear that it was a good, livable place. Maybe it was a little risky given we didn't have a way of controlling who saw it, but it had to be worth the risk.

A month passed, and we manage to keep busy. I'm not sure if having company actually made a difference in how the time passed, but it sure seemed like it did to me. Even if there wasn't always something to do, there was always someone to talk to.

Jackson and I had drastically different lives growing up. He was born in Boston, had been a city boy all of his life. Sure, I had lived in the city some, but my own thoughts and perspectives were definitely different after growing up on a farm. It was nice to hear how he viewed things and some of the different experiences that he had, even if they weren't all nice. But just talking was nice, learning something new and different. The stimulation was wonderful. It was certainly better than going through the same books over and over again. Even if I probably repeated a story once or twice at his expense, it seemed like he enjoyed it, too. Without a doubt, we had it good compared to most people who were still alive now.

Getting to know Mark and Lexie became significantly easier over the course of the month, too. It seemed like he and Jackson had just seemed to hit it off like maybe they were meant to be best friends or coworkers had the world not been completely ruined in the way that it was. Lexie seemed to lighten up, too, though she never quite opened up. But her memory was incredible. Her recitation for facts was unlike anything I'd ever seen. She had been an epidemiologist. She had seen it coming.

But of course, it had been too late for anyone to stop, really. The people who had the power to make change were the people who didn't care enough. Now, likely dead, they had paid the price. But so had hundreds of thousands, millions, perhaps even billions of other people had suffered the same consequences because of them.

It was still interesting to hear her talk, though, even if she didn't talk about herself much.

The weather had cooled off substantially. Shorts had been permanently put away and jackets had been brought out, though it wasn't unbearable to be outside. Plants were still growing. Winter was a few weeks away still, plenty of time to prepare. It was a little nice to be a bit of a teacher for Jackson, Mark, and Lexie. None of them had ever lived on a farm like this, all of them growing up in suburbs and the cities. It was just one more way for me to feel useful out here. I liked that.

"I wish there was some way that I could show you the total facial reconstruction I did, not long before all of this happened. It was a complete masterpiece. Man, I hope that guy made it through. Nice guy, too." Mark said with a reminiscent smile on his face.

"That is not an easy surgery," Jackson commented with an impressed nod of his head.

"Don't let him go on about it. Trust me, he'll never stop." Lexie threw in. It was always hard to tell whether she was serious or not, but she seemed lighter than usual as she leaned into Mark and he wrapped his arm around her shoulders.

Laughter fell from both me and Jackson and I couldn't help but lean into slightly, imitating their posture sub-consciously. If I ignored everything else in the world, I could almost pretend that this was normal. We were just a group of friends going out on a double date of some kind, talking about and swapping different stories. It helped that we were all in the field of science in one way or another, we all understood without having to stop and explain or brushing off stories because they were too complicated for the general population to understand. This was the perfect situation to just close my eyes and pretend that things were okay.

"Trust me, I've had to deal with some crazy plastics cases too. I had a guy come in who was… full of regrets, pretty much, trying to look like some kind of lion earlier in his life and just wanting to turn it around now. Piercings, tattoos, whisker implants, dental implants, you name it. I mean, that guy really put a lot of money into it. And then a lot more into trying to get out of it." Jackson bragged.

I couldn't help but let out another laugh. Their definition of crazy cases was definitely different than my own but that made sense given they were all about plastics and I was deep into trauma surgery.

"No, no, I've got a good one. This guy came in after fishing one day. His fish hook got stuck in his head and eye socket. It was controlling the bleeding but – I mean, you know how fish hooks are, right? Rigged shape, the curve with the barb and gap. They're supposed to be ripped out of fish, but you couldn't just rip off his scalp." A large grin lit up my features with the story, unable to help it. Working in the emergency room meant that pretty much every shift, you saw something that made you realize that evolution was certainly random and not seeking out something more perfect than before.

"You're all crazy," Lexie remarked with a shake of her head.

"Probably," I agreed with a grin.

"Maybe, but I think April here definitely has the most disgusting of our stories," Jackson said, a smile on his own face as he eyed me for a minute. I wet my lips, staring right back at him.

"Oh, no, I've definitely got a few bad ones." Mark butt in after only a moment. "I mean, you've seen what happens when someone goes to some hack job for plastic surgery, right? They've got an entire show for it. Botched. I had a patient come in with duct tape over an incision – never did get the name of the original person they went to, but I'm guessing they weren't a real doc. Post-breast augmentation. She said fluid was gushing out so that's why she put the duct tape over it. When I took off her duct tape, the implant literally just fell out of her body. Should have just been a simple and normal infection but ended up being a seroma." No matter how stomach churning the story may have been, every word that came out of his mouth was accompanied with just a little bit of a joy. Even if no one wanted to be the doctor that we were talking about in that situation, it was always satisfying to be the one who got to fix some kind of huge, disastrous mistake like that.

To my surprise, though, his story managed to stir a bit of nausea in my stomach. I'm not used to reacting like that. I had seen so many nasty things in my life that just hearing about something like that should not have produced any kind of reaction out of me, and yet…

"Excuse me," I said quickly, pulling myself away from Jackson and heading outside.

I hoped that some fresh air would help to clear my head and cause the nausea to subside, but it doesn't make a difference. A few seconds later I'm on my hands and knees in the grass, emptying out the contents of my stomach once again. Something so simple and I was reacting like this. Lexie had thought there was something wrong with me the first time that we had met, and now, it finally seemed like we all trusted each other again.

Now, maybe that wasn't going to be the case.

I sat back on my heels and breathed unevenly for a moment, trying to gather myself. I didn't want Mark or Lexie to notice. Hell, I didn't really want Jackson to notice. But neither of the other two knew that we had been exposed to tuberculosis a few weeks ago.

"Is everything alright?" Lexie's voice drew me out of my thoughts and I stiffened, squeezing my eyes shut tightly for a moment and taking a deep breath. I couldn't throw up again, not in front of her.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I lied through my teeth.

For a moment, I thought that the lie would work and I would be fine. But a few seconds pass and suddenly I've hunched over again, emptying the little bit that remained in my stomach and treble burning as it came up my throat again. There's nothing that I hate more than throwing up, let alone in front of someone.

"Mark!" Lexie screamed.

"No, no, I'm fine." I shook my head, pushing myself up to stand on my feet. I'm a little more unsteady than I would have liked to go along with my words. "I swear, I'm fine, I'm not sick." I had said those words to her once before.

She doesn't care. "Mark! Mark, get out here!" She shouted his name once again.

"What's going on?" I heard Mark question as he stood out and I squinted at the two of them. Jackson appeared behind Mark only a moment later, looking equally confused.

"Nothing, nothing," I tried to answer with a shake of my head. "I'm fine."

"April's sick." Lexie accused me harshly, a finger pointing harshly at me.

"I'm not sick!" I disagreed quickly, trying to add a little more strength to my voice.

"Jackson, what do you know about this?" Mark questioned, turning back to look at him.

He shook his head. "April's been fine. She hasn't been acting sick." I thank God for a moment that he doesn't mention Ellie or the tuberculosis exposure. Even so, he looked a little weary as he stared at me.

"We have to get rid of her," Lexie announced decisively.

That was exactly what I had been scared of. She had been so against me the first time and now that I was throwing up right in front of her, I knew that she wasn't going to be accepting or eager to give me any kind of second chance. I took an unsteady step backward and shook my heads, hands rising up defensively. I didn't want to fight. Not physically or verbally.

"She's right," Mark agreed.

"Please, no, I'm not sick," I begged, feeling myself tremble.

"No," Jackson said shortly.

"Come on, Jackson. You know that Lexie's right. If April's sick, then she could infect all of us. Hell, we'd be lucky if she hasn't already done so already. You know the best thing that we can do right now is get rid of the problem." Mark said.

And suddenly, I was that problem.

"I'm not going to do that. And I'm not going to let you do that." Jackson shook his head.

"You don't have a choice." Mark shook his head, folding his arms.

"Yeah, actually. I do. I'm not going to let you touch her." Jackson said defensively.

Before I could really begin to process what was happening, one of them had shoved the other. It only took a few seconds before the two of them were rolling along the porch of the house and fighting for dominance against one another, each trying to get control of the situation in their own way. I stared at them with wide eyes for a moment, wondering if this was happening. Jackson had said that he wouldn't kill me, even though he knew that if someone was sick, that was the best thing to do. I hadn't realized that it meant he wouldn't let anyone else do it, even if it was better for the group. Watching the two of them fight back and forth was only further sickening.

Staring at them in shock had left me more open and vulnerable than I had anticipated. Before I realized it, Lexie had tackled me to the ground. I hit it with a thud and she was on top of me. My reaction time was slow, but I quickly began to fight back against her. I don't want to get her sick and I don't want to kill her either. I don't know what to do, but I can't let her kill me.

Even though she had the first hit in this situation, I was stronger than she was. We were about the same size but she was practically nothing more than skin and bones. I try to keep an eye on Mark and Jackson at the same time, but it doesn't put me in a good position for keeping Lexie off of me, especially in a slightly weakened condition. I keep going, even as my lungs ache for oxygen and my muscles tire with the exertion of energy. Before I know it, she's on top of me, her hands tightening around my neck.

It's hard to breathe. It was only getting harder. Little black dots danced in my vision as I fought for consciousness, trying to push her off of me. She didn't seem to be willing to relent in any way.

But then suddenly, she was gone.

I blinked a few times to try and clear up my vision and process what was going on. Jackson had taken a hold of Lexie. She was struggling against him but he had her in a chokehold, holding her there. A few long seconds passed before her fight weakened and she eventually slumped completely, clearly unconscious from how he had cut off her oxygen supply. I looked over behind him. Mark was unconscious on the porch too.

"What do we do now?" I asked, staring at him.

"First, we get the hell out of here," Jackson instructed.

I nodded quickly and followed his orders, jogging after him back over to the bikes and quickly beginning to ride it back to our house. They had only been over there once, it wouldn't have been quite as easy or quick for them to get there when they woke up. That would give us one advantage, at least.

When the house appeared in the distance I'm relieved even though I'm completely exhausted and my muscles ached by the time we were able to get off the bike. I feel like collapsing and I only make it up the steps of the porch before I have to sit down, head spinning. I didn't know if it was the sickness or fighting with Lexie and having her choke me, or just dehydration and exhausted from biking over here at such a furious speed. I needed a minute and that was something that it felt like we no longer had.

"We have to leave…" I muttered, shaking my head and trying to catch my breath.

"April," Jackson started slowly, getting down next to me. "Are you sick?" He asked. "Be honest."

"I don't think so," I answered with a shake of my head, wetting my lips. "I just got nauseous. I don't know why. Something about Mark's story just made it too much and it shouldn't, I know that, but I don't think I'm sick. I really don't." I couldn't imagine being sick. Not now.

"They might come after us again, or they might leave town." He said.

There was no way of knowing which would be the truth. It could have gone either way. They might try to come and kill me to save me from myself, or to save Jackson or whoever else might have come across me. Or they might have gone out their own way. There was no way to predict their next move. Sure, we had become friends, but that didn't mean that we knew them that well. It had been a few visits here and there. There were still plenty of things that we didn't know about them.

"We have to leave…" I mumbled once more, shaking my head and running my hands over my face. "We have to. I don't see another option."

I had put so much work into this place, and now the only thing I could see was leaving it behind.

"Not necessarily, April, that's not the only option." Jackson disagreed with a shake of his head.

Before he could try and talk me out of it, though, I pushed myself up and onto my feet and headed into the house, looking around. There was still the truck, even if it didn't have a lot of gas. We could siphon some more for other vehicles and see how far it would take us. We would have to find somewhere soon before it got too cold. Maybe heading down south would make things easier. We'd have to get as much from the garden as we could and hope that it would stay fresh for as long as possible. There was still some jerky left, a few other things. It would be hard but it wasn't an impossible idea. We had to do.

"April, let's just talk about this for a minute," Jackson spoke again as he found me spinning out in the kitchen, trying to figure out where to even begin if I was going to pack up and leave. Things here had been working so well and I didn't know how to live on the road. That was what he had been doing before. He would have to teach me.

"We don't have time to talk about it, Jackson. We need to do." I insisted.

Before he could open his mouth and reply, there's a loud knock on the door. I froze. It was too soon for it to be Mark and Lexie, and if it was them, I doubted that they would have given us the courtesy of knocking on the front door after the hellish fight that we had all gotten into. Neither of us moved to get it immediately.

"Hello?" A stranger's voice called out. "Is anyone there?"

"Come on, Owen, there's no one here. I told you that this was a waste of time." A woman's voice disagreed.

"Cristina, we have to at least give it a try." The male replied to her.

Jackson pressed his finger over my lips. "Stay here for just a minute, okay?" I nodded my head.

I watched as he walked over to the front door, taking a deep breath before pulling it open. On the other side were two people, an Asian woman – Cristina, I assumed – and a taller, redheaded male – he must have been Owen. I stared at them from the kitchen, and they stared at Jackson, no doubt sizing him up.

"Is this April's place? The safe-haven?" The male asked.

 _Shit_.

"Yeah, yeah it is," Jackson answered.

So much for leaving.


	9. Chapter 9

**_JACKSON_**

I've had a lot of nightmares since this entire thing started. I didn't know what had happened to the rest of my family, there were some coworkers who I had considered good friends that I had never heard from again, and I had seen horrible sights both before and after leaving the hospital when things had gotten past the point of repair. Yet even with all of those different twisted images that my mind had managed to conjure up at some point or another, I hadn't quite seen something like this coming my way.

Falling in love at the apparent end of the world was one thing. If someone called it crazy, well, I wouldn't blame them for that. It probably was. Now wasn't the time to trust people, let alone fall for them, and yet somehow April and I had managed to do exactly that together against all odds.

Her being sick… I didn't even know where to begin with that. There was no way that I could hurt her, let alone kill her intentionally. I had meant it when I said that. Doing it to a stranger that was sick, or someone who was a threat, that was something completely different. Even if she was sick and it was the sane, safe thing to do for my own sake, I couldn't push myself to do it. Tuberculosis or whatever else it could have been. She'd mentioned that bird flu had been big in the area, it was possible that could have gotten to her. But whatever it was, it should have gotten to me, too. If she was sick, I was already exposed. There was nothing that could be done to try and make that difference.

What kind of life was worth living without her? Without love?

Now, I couldn't come up with an answer. I had gone through a lot of my life without a real love. Girlfriends, flippant and serious, had come and go but I have never felt the same intense way about them that I did about April. Maybe part of it was the circumstance. But I had never felt so strongly about another human being as I did, never been so deep in love. I couldn't imagine my life without loving her.

Life really wasn't worth living without her. Even if she was set on starting over, to me, this was the kind of love that was actually worth dying for. It couldn't just be living and surviving for the rest of our lives, hunting for enough food and clean water, constantly tinkering on the edge of survival. Life had to mean something. There had to be some kind of happiness there, some kind of bigger picture. Not God or religion. I had never subscribed to any of that. To me, the parts of life that were worth living could be found tangibly. I knew that she was mine, right here, right where I wanted her. I couldn't see it any differently.

But even so, things were getting progressively more complicated. Three months ago and I would have been in the exact same boat as Mark and Slexie. I would have wanted the hell away from her if I saw her displaying any signs of any kind of sickness. If it was anyone else, I wouldn't have blamed them for the way that they reacted.

The big question was what these two people would think about it. Giving away trust so easily was something that I had begun to warm up to because of April, but now that Mark and Lexie had gone back on it so easily, I could feel the doubt sinking in again.

Yet I stepped back and let them into her house, April already clutching on a bag to pack.

"My name's Owen, this is Cristina." The male introduced the pair of them.

"I'm Jackson," I extended my hand. "And this is April, obviously. This her hometown. She's been setting up places all over here. This place is really nice – we've got another one set up already with a couple in it, a third house that's pretty much ready to go."

"Impressive," Owen remarked as he shook my head firmly. "I knew there had to be people out there doing this kind of work, but its' different to really see it for yourself. Kudos to the both of you."

April remained silent despite the compliment. That was the biggest indicator that this really had gotten inside of her head. I knew that Moline had become her pride and joy now that things were set up and beginning to function. The fact that she fell completely silent about the matter only unsettled me further and I took a deep breath, unable to help that it was released in a sigh a moment later.

"Thank you," I replied for her with a slightly forced smile.

"What are you doing?" Cristina asked suddenly. "Going somewhere?"

My eyes flickered to her for a moment, watching her body. She was still tense even after being let in the house, tenser than her male counterpart was. She didn't trust us. But she wasn't quite so shutdown in the way that Lexie had been when we first met. Instead, she looked like she was ready to get her claws out at any given moment. I looked back over my shoulder toward April.

"I wanted to leave," April finally spoke quietly.

"Why?" Owen questioned.

"We got in a, uh… disagreement with our neighbors," I began to explain, carefully treading around my words. "April's worried about the consequences of what might happen after that fight."

"What was the fight about?" Cristina questioned, brows furrowed and staring us both down.

I took a deep breath, staring at April to try and read her face. It was the same as it had been before, upset but hard to tell what was going on inside of her head. Honesty was a good thing, usually, but in this situation, I wasn't sure whether or not it was going to get us very far. The last thing that we needed was more people coming after us because of something that we weren't sure about. There was no way to test her for TB or most other things, for that matter. We could make educated guesses and draw conclusions, but there was no real confirmation.

"They were worried that April might be sick because she threw up once," I said slowly, gaze unwavering. "But April and I are both doctors. We've been exposed to all of the same things, and I'm not sick. She doesn't have a fever. There are a lot of other explanations for it that don't involve some sort of contagious disease." Finally, I looked back to Owen and Cristina.

Neither of them looked particularly pleased with the information. Cristina stiffened and stepped back, but Owen looked more concerned, brows drawn together. It looked like if I was going to be able to get through to one of them, it was going to be him.

"You said you're both doctors?" Owen questioned after a long silence.

"Yes," April spoke softly, nodding her head. "I'm a trauma surgeon. He was a plastic surgeon."

"Have you been over the possible options that it could be?" He followed up.

"We should just get out of here," Cristina commented, her glare finally leaving the two of us only to be shot up at her counterpart. At least it looked like those eyes were nothing particularly personal to this situation, even if we had probably earned it. There wasn't a lot of gray area with most people who had made it this far.

The male was quiet for a moment as his gaze moved back and forth between the two of us, placing a hand on Cristina's shoulder to keep her still for a moment. I couldn't read what was going on his head. There's no malice in his gaze, certainly not the same way that Mark or Lexie had looked at her after seeing April throw up. Yeah, I could get through to him. I just wasn't sure exactly how yet.

"To be perfectly honest… both of us were exposed to tuberculosis a couple weeks ago. But throwing up? That's not consistent with active TB. Most people exposed to the germs don't actually develop it. If we had HIV or AIDs, the chances would be high. It's called latent TB. TB is only contagious in its active state, so neither of us is a risk of infecting either of you. If she was coughing a lot, coughing up blood, feverish, chills… then yeah, I would be concerned that she had developed TB. But if someone came in presenting like she did, I would never jump to the conclusion of TB. I'd think maybe a stomach bug, eating something bad, or even something as simple stress." I explained, brows furrowed deep toward the bridge of my nose.

"So what, it's not TB but it could be something else?" Cristina frowned, still looking displeased.

"It's possible." April's head dropped, staring down at her hands after answering.

"This is a good place, Cristina, we need to give it a chance." Owen's words were a mumble and not directed to either of us, but it was still clear enough to hear what he was saying. I was glad for that. The words were exactly what we needed right now.

I stepped back toward April, arm wrapping around her waist defensively and pulling her close. "I promise, whatever theory you want to come up with about what she has, she doesn't."

"So what could she have?" Cristina asked, her eyebrows arching up.

"Why don't we sit down for a minute? I'm sure you guys must be tired." I suggested.

Though Cristina still looked a little hesitant about it, Owen nodded his head in agreement and the four of us moved over to the couch. I sat between April and the two of them, just in case. Owen was nearest to me. It didn't surprise me that Cristina had put as much distance as possible between herself and April.

"Is there anything that you haven't mentioned?" Owen questioned, leaning forward slightly toward us. I looked at April.

"Uh…" she started, wetting her lips. "I guess nausea has been going on for more than just yesterday. I don't know. I mean, I haven't thrown up. But I've been a little queasy for a few weeks now, I guess." She chewed at her lower lip. "I don't know. It's hard. We've been working so much to prepare for the winter I guess I haven't been paying that much attention to my own body lately." April refused to look at any of us, staring down at her hands.

"Well what, it's not like you're pregnant." Cristina snorted out sarcastically.

Silence fell between the four of us for an impossibly long moment after her statement. Even though it was clear from her tone of voice that the remark had not been meant to taken seriously, I couldn't help but pause and look over at her to see her own reaction to that. Pregnancy had been the last thing on my mind. We were looking to rebuild for the people that were already living, repopulation had been the last thing on my mind even though it was something that reasonably would have to be done eventually. We had both been kept busy. We'd had a drink on occasion. I knew that she had been doing just as much heavy lifting as I had been. There was no way that she was pregnant.

"Well…" Her voice was dry, cracking.

"What?" I blurted out quickly, unable to help myself. Surely if she had begun to suspect something like that, she would have told me sooner than having it brought up in front of two complete strangers. "Seriously?"

"I– no, I don't know," April shook her head quickly upon seeing my reaction. "I mean, I guess it's… technically possible. We haven't really used protection with one another, you know? And uh, I haven't had a period in a while. That was technically true before you came, though. I always just figured it was from being malnourished, not anything else." She explained.

"If you were pregnant, that wouldn't be a bad thing." Owen threw in supportively. I gave a brief glance back at him before returning it to April, at a complete loss for words.

Fortunately, Cristina still had plenty to say. "Oh, what the hell…" She mumbled, shaking her head. "Go find a pregnancy test. Pretty sure they didn't all get raided. If you're going to get killed for puking, let it be for a good reason. Not because you're knocked up."

"Would you be willing to stay here and watch the house?" I questioned. "Mark and Lexie, the neighbors that we fought with… they might come looking for us."

"Of course," Owen answered with a quick nod of his head.

I stood up from the couch, waiting for April to do the same. "If it's negative, we can reconsider, but… thank you, for giving the both of us a chance. I appreciate it."

"Thank you," April echoed.

"Yeah, well, let's just hope you earned it," Cristina remarked.

The words were tense but I was willing to take them for what they were. Regardless of what the results of the test were, I wasn't sure what we were going to do. If it was negative, that left the door open to other possibilities, especially if this nausea really had been going on for weeks. I wish she would have told me sooner about it. If it was positive… well, I didn't know where to begin with any of that. This wasn't the kind of world that a child should have been brought to. Even with both of us working to make it better, we could only change things on a small scale for now. It wasn't ideal, but it would be what happened. This was overwhelming without knowing for sure.

Though we probably shouldn't waste the gas, for the sake of time, we take the truck into town and park it on the main street so we can go through the pharmacy and potentially what remained of the grocery store if necessary to find a pregnancy test. Cristina was probably right. That wasn't the item to be snatched in a time like this.

I'm tempted to ask her if she really hadn't suspected anything until it had been brought up. But I wanted to believe that she would have mentioned it between now and then, even if she hadn't mentioned any nausea to me. I still trusted her. I just had a few questions of my own.

But we both keep quiet as we make our way into the main part of town, getting out of the truck and heading into the pharmacy. Dusty signs indicating where the feminine care aisle had been still hung in the ceiling and I followed her slowly as she made her way down to the aisle. There were still a few tests and other products left – mostly for UTI treatment. Other feminine hygiene products had all been cleared out of necessity.

"Well, I guess we'll know soon enough…" April mumbled, reading over the box.

"Make sure it's not expired," I commented.

"It's not." She replied. "I, uh… there's a bathroom. I'll just take it here, that way we know by the time we get back to the house and we don't have to freak out Owen and Cristina anymore if it's positive." She muttered, opening up the box after a few more moments of staring at it.

"Do you want me to come with you?" I asked, brow raising high in my forehead.

"No, it's okay. I got it."

It was hard to just stand in what remained of an empty pharmacy and wait for her to go in the bathroom and pee on the stick. If that was it, maybe it would have been easier. It doesn't take long to pee. But I know that those tests do take a little bit of time, and that was what got to me. I ended up pacing up and down along various aisles, looking at what was left. There's an old stuffed animal, a bunny – probably from the previous Easter. I grab it, heading out for a moment and sticking it in the back of the truck where she won't see. If she was having my baby, well hell, we'd have to start stocking up on everything that we could now.

The minutes drag on by and I could feel myself getting more and more anxious for her to reemerge. I wanted to hold onto her while waiting, tempted to go in there and see how it was going, but I control myself just enough to respect her privacy for a few more minutes.

When the slightest hint of movement indicated that she was done and heading out of the bathroom, I quickly walked up to approach her and close some of the distance between us. She looked confused. I would be by either answer, sure, but I was hoping to get just a little more than that from her face alone.

"What does it say?" I asked after a long moment.

"It's positive," April answered, looking up at me with large eyes.

"Holy crap." I breathed out, unable to help myself.

Not sure of what else to say just yet, I stepped toward her and wrapped my arms around her frame, bringing her in close to my chest. Her head fits perfectly beneath my chin and I just held her there for a moment, closing my eyes. She was really pregnant with my kid. Even if it was the most unexpected thing, even if the timing was terrible… she really was pregnant. The woman that I loved. It was something that I had wanted at one point in my life. Planning really did mean nothing. I didn't know how, but somehow, we would make this work. I wouldn't let anything happen to her or that baby.

Kissing the top of her head softly, I nuzzled my nose against the crown for just a moment, squeezing her in tighter for just a moment before letting her go. Complications aside, this was a good thing. I could begin to see it on her face, just a little extra lightness in those hazel hues that I adored so much, a hint of color decorating her cheeks.

"You're happy?" I questioned softly.

"I… yeah, I am. I never thought that it would happen like this but I am." She answered with a nod of her head, chewing slightly at the flesh of her lower lip.

"Come on, let's see if there are any prenatal vitamins anywhere. Maybe we can find you some chapstick or Vaseline, too." I suggested with a quick nod of my head, bending down and stealing a quick kiss from her lips.

Rummaging through what remained of the store, there are a couple of bottles left of them. April does some quick math on her fingers before taking a few of them. It couldn't have been more than eight or ten weeks. It was hard to know exactly and it wasn't like we were going to be getting an ultrasound any time soon. We'd have to just deal with it the way that people had before all of the modern technology came about, and hope for the best. Even if that would be a challenge for two doctors.

"Do you think we need anything else?" I questioned as we lingered at the entrance of the store.

"No," April answered, shaking her head.

"Okay." I stepped toward her, placing another kiss on her lips. "April, I want to tell you this now, while we're alone. I love you." I paused, taking a deep breath. "I know I've already told you that, but I need you to know that I do. And I'm not going to let anything happen to you or this baby. My mom used to tell me, the way the world changes is good people raising their babies right. And now, the world could really use some of that change." I held onto her just a moment, cupping her cheek gently.

"I like that," she murmured, smiling softly up at me. She stretched up on her toes, returning on more kiss to me. "I like it a lot. I'm going to remember that. Thank you. And I love you too, Jackson."

Holding onto her for just a minute longer, we get in the truck and began to drive back toward the house, making sure to keep her pregnancy test so we had some proof of the pregnancy for Owen and Cristina to see, as well as Mark and Lexie, if the two of them decided to show their faces around us again. It was hard to say whether or not they would at this point.

Though the drive back to the house was quiet as well, it did not have nearly the same tension that the one toward the store did. Even if it was a harsh answer, either way, there was a good certainty in knowing. She wasn't sick. I didn't have to worry about her being sick and if anyone else tried to question it, we had a clear answer that would bring some sort of appreciation for her, I was sure of that much. Even if it wasn't convenient nor easy for that matter, this might have been the best possible thing that could happen to the both of us.

It was dark outside and had cooled off substantially by the time that we arrived back at the farmhouse. We parked the truck and got out with the test and vitamins in tow. I leave the stuffed animal in there – I could sneak it out later and hide it.

There was conversation coming from inside of the house. That much was obvious as we approached the front steps. But it wasn't just Cristina and Owen's nice that we could hear from the other side of the door. It seemed like Mark and Lexie had joined them by coming after us.

"I'll go in first," I muttered to April, waiting till she nodded her head to proceed. I took a deep breath, stepping up.

I knocked once on the door to give them a little bit of warning before I opened it up slowly, stepping inside with April right behind me. Mark and Lexie tensed immediately and I held my hands up in a defensive position, not wanting to get in another fight right off the bat.

"Owen and Cristina told us what's going on," Mark started, brows furrowed. His face looked bruised from the fight that we had gotten into earlier. "So what's the verdict?" He asked.

"I uh, I am pregnant," April announced, stepping beside me to hold up the test.

There's a slight hesitation, but Owen was the first one to step forward and take a look at the test itself. It was clear, the two blue lines in a cross, and almost everyone could piece together what that meant without having to see the instructions on the box. After he nodded his head and walked away, Mark and Lexie came up to look at it themselves, and then finally Cristina.

"I'm sorry about the fight earlier," April said to Mark and Lexie.

"As am I," I added sincerely, my arm looping around April's waist. "I guess I'm just a little protective."

"I understand," Mark said with a nod of his hand. He offered his hand out to me as a peace offer and I took it with a firm shake. "I would have done the exact same thing for Lexie, honestly."

"I know that this is supposed to be a happy moment or whatever," Cristina started. "But seriously, what the hell are you going to do with a baby? I mean, I didn't even want kids before all of this crap started but now it's literally the last thing I would want."

"Well, it's not yours," April said a bit defensively, arms folding in front of her stomach.

"We don't know what we're going to do just yet," I stated, trying to mediate a bit. "But we've got some time to figure it out. Months, actually, and not a lot else to do besides build this place up. So we'll figure it out."

"I think it's great," Owen offered positively.

April smiled. "Thank you."

"Let's all sit down, okay? You know what… we've still got some vodka. I'll pour some drinks. We can celebrate. Maybe get to know each other a little bit." I suggested.

Alcohol seemed to be enough to get everyone on board and I'm relieved for just a moment, heading toward the kitchen where we had kept the bottle stashed. I get out five cups, knowing that there's no way April was going to be drinking with what she knew now and that no one would have let her in the first place. I carry out the cups into the living room and set them down before pouring everyone a bit, not wanting to do too much given there was nothing to dilute it. I sat down on the arm of the chair where April was, resting my hand on her shoulder.

"So, where are you guys from?" Mark asked Cristina and Lexie.

"We didn't know each other before," Cristina said quickly.

"She's right. We met here. I was a general in the army, she's an architect." Owen answered.

"Big, private firm." Cristina threw in, clearly a little proud of herself.

"The army?" Lexie questioned, blinking a few times. "Are they – or were they – doing anything to try and stop all of this? I mean, that kind of falls under the job of what all they're supposed to do, right?" A bit of a loaded question to ask him, I'm sure, but it's a fair one.

Owen nodded his head slightly before speaking. "Actually, I wanted to tell you all that. The army has a base on Kansas set up. I'm not sure how many people are there now, but it's definitely more populated than this place – same motive, though. Get a community going, try to have some… crazy semblance of normalcy again, after everything that's happened. They're looking for more. That's why I was out on the road. That's how I found Cristina. I was going to take her back."

"They sent you out here alone?" I questioned, brow furrowed.

"No," he answered with a shake of his head. "It was me and another guy, Warren. He got sick and I had to put him down." His answer was nearly clinical. "It should be a good place, but they're looking for more safe-havens. They've overused some of the lands there."

"So what, a place like this?" April asked, leaning forward slightly with her arms resting on her knees.

"Exactly like this," Owen nodded again.

"Wow," she murmured, leaning back against the chair once more with a smile.

"How come more people didn't know about that?" Lexie asked, frowning at him.

There was a guilty expression on his face before he could begin to answer. "A lot of the people there are high profile personnel. Judges, doctors, attorneys, politicians. The people of the town who lived there, too. They built a sustainable place, but they closed it in. It's hard to find. Most people don't know about it. They haven't had anyone sick there since it started. They're very thorough about who they let inside of the place. Armed guards and all."

"That's hardly fair," Lexie responded. "What about people like us? We're just supposed to wait around and die while they get to do whatever they want with who they decide is important enough to save?"

"It's not like that anymore." Owen shook his head. "I'm taking Cristina there. If we find someone, and they're willing and healthy, then we bring them. End of story. That's why we're trying to branch out more. It's getting crowded and we don't have the room for everyone." He explained rather quickly.

"Huh," I muttered, slouching back.

I wondered if this had anything to do with the New Hampshire place that he had mentioned, if perhaps Owen or anyone else had gone there to check it out and see if they were real. I guess the information shouldn't have been surprising. It made sense that the government would have some kind of backup plan or facility in order to save their own people. It was a damn shame that it hadn't been more widespread or known about. Now that there was so few left, and anyone was welcomed, there wasn't a lot of the population around to go. That was probably intentional.

"I mean, are they looking for a place like this?" Mark questioned, his hands folded together.

"Yeah, pretty much," Owen answered.

Looking down at April for a moment, I tried to get a glimpse of what was going on inside of her head. She looked both conflicted and yet… happy by what Owen was saying. It was nice to know that there was another group of people still out there, definitely. Assuming we weren't the only ones left was easy but this was a kind of good confirmation to have.

"What about this place? I mean… you said you're heading back to it. Would you recommend this place to them?" April finally questioned after a little bit of silence.

"Oh, absolutely," he answered with a firm nod. "This place is perfect."

"Really?" She adjusted how she was sitting as she spoke, tucking her legs underneath her. "I mean… you could do that. It's not a very popular area and we don't get a lot of people passing through. But it's really beautiful during the summer, not too hot. The winter can be hard. I don't know if we would have enough food for a lot of people, but if we had more hands helping, it would be a lot easier to get more places set up."

Cristina spoke up quickly. "We're still going to the army base."

"We are," Owen agreed. "But I can pass on this place. I'm sure that come spring, they would be happy to send people here. Get you more hands for planting food, maybe get some electricity back going, too."

"That would be great." April beamed at him. "Why don't you guys stay the night? You must be tired. We've got a spare bedroom here if you're just passing through. Mark and Lexie, you guys can stay too, if you want. I know it's dark and cold outside. Kind of brutal to head back in weather like this."

"Sure, thanks," Mark agreed with a nod.

"That would be good." Owen voiced.

I furrow my brows at her for just a moment. It was a three bedroom house which was fine, for the most part, except that she never went into the parent's bedroom. I guess tonight was going to be the night that that was going to change if she was going to welcome all of them into the house.

"I'm going to go get some things set up," April popped up onto her feet. "I'll be back soon."

With her working, the five of us make a little more conversation, mostly getting a little more background on Owen and Cristina given that the rest of us already knew each other decently well. Owen had been in the army his whole life and Cristina was a self-proclaimed genius and scholar. She was arrogant – full of black humor, too. That was the kind of thing that you really needed at a time like this to get through all of the horrors left in the world.

It doesn't take long for April to get everything set up in the bedrooms and she announced it once she was done, coming back downstairs. She put Cristina and Owen in the empty bedroom, and Mark and Slexie in the bed that we had mostly been sleeping in while under the roof. Once they were tucked away and settled for the night, she grabbed my hand and dragged me into her parent's bedroom. I had only been in here once, and I didn't think that she had been very often since. There was a little bit of dust here and there, not enough to irritate, but just to notice.

"How are you feeling?" I asked as she laid down on the bed, toeing off her shoes.

"Okay," April answered. "I guess it's kind of just scary, you know? Knowing that there's this baby inside of me. I always wanted to be a mom but once this happened, I just… never thought about it again."

"Nothing's going to happen to either of you." I got down on the bed next to her as I spoke, placing my hand on her stomach. It was still flat, no proof of the life inside. "I promise."

She curled up against me underneath the covers, and it didn't take long for April to stay asleep. I stayed awake a little longer, watching the faint rise and fall of her chest in the darkness. I couldn't have been more thankful that she wasn't sick, even if it seemed like things are getting more complicated day by day, whether it was more people joining us in the form of trailers or pregnancy, or now hearing about this supposed army base.

But one thing was clear. I would make sure she and the baby stayed safe, no matter what.


	10. Chapter 10

**_APRIL_**

There was a baby growing inside of me.

All of this was different and new. Just knowing that there was a little cluster of cells growing inside of me was enough to make me feel different. It had been a long time since I had looked at an ultrasound, but I could just picture it inside of my head, the head bigger than the rest of his body. In my head, it was a boy. I don't know why but all I could picture was a little mini-version of Jackson. His bright eyes and his smile, it was heartwarming just to think about it. It made it so easy to forget about everything else going on in the rest of the world. We had something good. We had a real life to start together.

I woke up before Jackson did. The house was still quiet and sunrise had barely begun to start in the morning. We were both tired and I should have laid there for a little longer. I had to be doing everything for two now – that was overwhelming. We'd have to make some extra precautions for the winter. I didn't mind not getting everything that I was supposed to most days, but now, it was more than just me.

Winter was coming. That much was easy to tell. Sitting out on the porch was usually a nice activity but this early in the morning, there was still the coolness of the night and the threat of more to come. Pulling on a pair of thick socks, I don't mind it as much.

My knees leaned in together and my hands fell out on either side of me, leaning back slightly and letting in some of the sunlight. Maybe it wasn't going to give me much warmth, but I knew now that I was going to need all of the vitamins I could get. Prenatal vitamins would help, I was glad that had been available, but I wanted to do as much as I could correctly. Freckles were littered across my pale thighs and my arms, easy to see. I had always been covered in them. All of the time that Jackson and I had spent outside this summer just meant that there were more and more of them. He liked to trace them when he thought I was asleep. It was an easy thing to fall asleep to, his soothing touch smoothing across whatever body part he had focused on for that night.

He would be a good father. He had already done what he could to take care of me and I knew that he would put that same passion and fervor into caring for a child. We had learned to live around each other and grow around each other already. It was only natural to add one more into the mix. Couples did that. Even if things now were a little… well, crazy.

I hoped that I would be a good mother, too. Maybe in the past when things were so much more normal, I wouldn't doubt and question it. Or maybe it was just a natural part of all of it, something that I could blame on the insurgence of hormones in my system that I still needed to adapt to. Either way, I wanted to be good at this. Even if the rest of the world was screwed up, I wanted my baby to know that there was still good left, that there were still things to be hopeful about. Hope was such a powerful tool. My baby needed to know that above all else. Whatever happened to my life now, I knew that I wanted better for this baby inside of me. I would give them absolutely everything that I could.

"This is all going to be so much better for you," I whispered to my non-existent bump, rubbing my hand across it. "I promise, you're going to have it so much better than this."

The sun rises like there was nothing any different about today than there was the day before. Even though I knew it was far too early, I wish that I could have felt the baby moving inside of me. Some little sign that he or she had heard me, that they knew things would be better by the time they came into the world. If my own timeline was right, we had about seven months. It was good that they had been caught early so we have plenty of time to prepare. A bonus was that the baby wouldn't come till after winter was completely over.

Winter here was long and brutal, though. It would be hard to prepare and get through it like there was nothing different. The warmth was one thing. Fire and layers and layers of clothing could help with that, keeping things shut to try and minimizing leaving the house. I'd gone through the attic once for supplies, but not with a baby in mind. Surely my parents had kept old things.

"It's peaceful this morning, isn't it?" The sudden intrusion of a voice made me jump.

"Yeah, yeah it is," I nodded, looking over my shoulder. Owen was incredibly tall from sitting down here on the floor. The angle definitely made him look like that much more of an army figure.

"Do you mind if I join you?" He asked.

"Not at all," I shook my head and scooted over to make room for him on the steps.

He sat down next to me, letting go of a breath. "I meant it when I said that it was nice out here," he started. "You and Jackson both seem like good people, willing to take in strangers. I'm sure that winter is going to be tough for everyone, but come spring, I bet it's going to be beautiful here. You're a smart woman, making do with all of this."

"I got lucky. I grew up here." I shrugged off. "A farm girl turned doctor… I used to think that it was silly, but now it's probably what's kept me alive this far. I couldn't be more grateful for how I was raised. I can only hope to do the same for this one."

"I'm sure you will," Owen offered me a smile. He had been so nice to me – nicer than he needed to be, certainly. I didn't understand why. I had gotten the assumption that most people who were still alive had built up walls in order to stay that way. It had taken long enough to tap into Jackson's and get a better understanding of what was going on inside of his head because of them. Yet there was something good about him, like maybe in another life, we had been friends.

"Why are you so nice to me?" I asked, unable to help myself. "You could have sided with Mark and Lexie or Cristina and assumed I was sick."

"You remind me of my sister," he admitted. "She died before all of this happened. But you look a lot like her. Kind of act like her, too. Perfectly capable of taking care of things for yourself. If there was anyone to give a chance… it was you."

Oh.

"I'm sorry about your sister," I murmured. "I had three sisters. I don't know where they are anymore."

"There's always a chance they could be at the base," he gave me a sad smile.

"Will you really tell the army people about our place?" I asked, shifting so that I was facing him.

"Absolutely," he nodded. "Like I said last night, they don't have enough space for everyone they've got. They shut in so tight that they didn't prepare for sustaining growth. I guess they didn't anticipate taking in more people after all of it, but…. someone got softhearted. Like me," he chuckled. "I'm sure that they'll send people here, once the winter is over."

It was a nice thought. Having a real group of people, a real town again. I knew that all of it would come together so much faster when it wasn't just me and Jackson working to try and piece everything back together again. I wasn't sure what they would bring with them – seeds, medical equipment, something else, but I assumed that they wouldn't be sent here empty-handed. A smile warmed my lips thinking about it, taking a deep breath.

"I'm sad to see you both go," I started. "But I'm glad you are, for that reason. Think about coming back one day."

"I will," Owen nodded.

We sat quietly for a few more minutes and watched the sun rise higher in the sky, some of the warm colors of the sunset beginning to fade as it turned to a normal morning blue. My hand remained on my flat stomach. It didn't matter if there was no proof of this baby beside the pregnancy test that I had taken. I knew it was there. It was growing and healthy inside of me, ready to come into the world and take it by the reigns once it was time. The timing didn't matter, not now. This was a good thing and I wasn't going to let anything or anyone else ruin it.

Noise in the house after a while indicated that we were no longer the only two awake. Long gone were the days of alarm clocks and odd hours. It was just easier to be up when the sun was up and leave it at that. I gave him a glance and one more small smile before going back inside.

"Morning, Jackson," I greeted him.

"Good morning," he stepped over toward me, bending down and placing a kiss on my lips. Then he got down on his knees, lifting up my shirt and blowing raspberries on my belly. I giggled, too ticklish. "And good morning to you, baby."

"Somebody slept in," I commented, a huge grin on my face. "I'm surprised no one else is up."

"Mark and Lexie are," he chuckled, straightening up. "Pretty sure they were about to screw before I reminded them to use a condom."

"You're ridiculous," I shook my head. "They can do what they want. As long as it's quiet."

We both stilled for a moment as Owen came into the house. Jackson's arms wrapped around my waist as I glanced over my shoulder at him. He gave both of us a small smile and nod before speaking, "I'm going to go wake up Cristina. Otherwise, she'll sleep all day."

"Okay," Jackson murmured.

Falling quiet for just a moment, I leaned into him. Pressing my ear against his chest, I could faintly hear the sound of his heart beating on the other side of his rib cage. Against all odds, it seemed like we were both healthy and happy. This was the time when neither should have really been possible and yet we had somehow managed to pull it all off. I could only begin to imagine what the two of us would have had if we had met in a world that was kinder than the one we were both stuck in. We could have been something amazing.

No.

We still were something amazing. Maybe it was even more amazing because we had been able to navigate the waters of a relationship in the past few months despite all of the obstacles thrown our way. Hard times were what tested most relationships and threatened to break them down. Yet, it seemed like they were also what built the two of us up together. That couldn't be said for most.

"Busy house this morning," Jackson commented.

"Better get used to it," I lifted one shoulder in a shrug. "It'll be noisy with a baby. And come spring, if the army sends more people up here, it'll be even noisier."

"Let's talk about that when they're gone." He said, kissing the top of my head.

When Cristina and Owen are packed up with a few extra supplies for the road to leave, I felt like it should have been a bigger deal. We didn't get to have people come and go like this. I don't know either of them well yet I still felt obligated to hug the both of them goodbye. Owen doesn't seem to mind, though Cristina stiffens and pulls away almost immediately from the embrace. So she wasn't the touchy-feely type. Noted.

Mark and Lexie both leave only a few minutes after the two of them did. We both stood on the porch and watched the two of them go. They were on foot which meant it would take a bit of time for them to make it back to their house. At least it didn't look like it was going to rain any time soon. It wasn't too bad of a walk.

"It's getting chilly out here," Jackson remarked with his arm still wrapped around my waist.

"Yeah. Winter's just around the corner." I agreed. "Do you know how to bird hunt?"

"No," he gave me a curious look as we stepped back inside, pulling the door shut. "Why?"

"Because we are human beings who need protein, and birds have protein. I don't think we're going to be lucky enough to stumble upon another pig, but there are still plenty of birds." I shrugged. "It's not pretty. But at least it's not processed?" My eyebrows raised.

Jackson laughed. "Yeah, that's true. C'mon, let's sit for a minute."

I followed him over to the couch, plopping down on it. He sat down with a little distance between the two of us and I put my feet up on his lap. One of his large hands wrapped around both my feet, giving them a small, playful squeeze. I smiled and wiggled my toes before he settled on just one of my feet, massaging his thumbs into the arches of my feet. Even if my ankles weren't swollen just yet, it still felt stupefyingly good.

"What do you think about the whole army base thing?" He finally asked.

"It's… wonderful and terrible," I grimaced. "I'm glad that there's a camp of people out there. I am. I am so, so grateful for that. But why didn't anyone else know? That's not fair to good people like you and me." I slouched back, picking at a thread on my shirt.

"Yeah," Jackson agreed. "No surprise that the government doesn't care about keeping all of its citizens safe. It's always been about that top one percent." I reached for one of his hands as he spoke, interlacing our fingers.

"Maybe the world doesn't have to be like that anymore," I suggested hopefully. "Maybe when we rebuild… we can do things right this time. You know? We know how it screwed up before. We don't have to repeat the same mistakes over and over again. That's the point of learning history, so we don't repeat it. We can be better. All of us."

Maybe it was naive to have hope for such a thing. But what was the point of life without having a little hope?

When snow fell for the first time that winter, it was beautiful. I hadn't had a real snow like this in a long time. Sure, there was plenty of cold weather, ice, and slush when it came to living in Chicago. But snow over an open field was a different and much more magnificent sight than what it looked like piled up on the sidewalks and with salt on the roads. It was serene. Despite the freezing temperatures, Jackson and I both stood outside for a long time, just watching it. My bump was barely visible. It's a good thing that I had lost some weight at the beginning of this because I was growing right back into the clothes that had become too loose.

For the sake of trying to keep up with how long winter would go on so we could be prepared for new arrivals, and for monitoring the pregnancy, we start keeping careful track of a calendar. I'd found an old one in a box of junk in my sister's closet. Even if we don't know whether it's Monday or Thursday, or the exact numerical day of the month, we can keep track of how many weeks pass. Everything felt a little more real marking off days as they came and went.

Eventually, the snow loses its beauty. With the freeze, it was hard to keep up with any fresh food or vegetables. We kept careful track of the rations that we had prepared ahead of time, making sure to eat what would expire first no matter how sickening it was by the tenth meal of it. The snow is a reminder of how cold and empty the rest of the world had become after a month of it. By then, it's the second trimester, I'm pretty sure. I wished that we had an ultrasound machine or some way of knowing that everything was fine with the baby. It made me wonder how women had done this for centuries before me. It certainly gave me an appreciation for them, powering through even without a sense of certainty. I'd always hated the unknown.

Jackson turned out to be a better shot than I was when it came to birds. I was good at still targets but never had been moving. He was the one who managed to really keep us fed for winter. Mark and Lexie, too. I always thought that I was good at taking care of myself, but he kept me going, whether it was food or keeping me warm in the dead of night.

Snow and freezing cold had been there for eleven weeks and two days the first time I feel the baby move.

It's the middle of the night. February, I think. I wanted it to be Valentine's Day. I had no way of knowing if it was or wasn't, and never would really, but in my head, it was the early morning of Valentine's Day. It was supposed to be a day full of love and worthy of celebrations. The baby kicking just meant there was something extra to be loving and joyful over.

"Jackson–" I hissed, turning over and nearly hitting him in the face as I tried to wake him up. "Jackson, wake up." I shook him.

"Huh?" He blinked himself awake. I could barely see him in the dark. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong. Shh." I reached for his hands, placing it on my bump.

For a moment, nothing happened. I was worried that I had just imagined it, but I was so certain that it had been the thing to wake me up. The seconds that pass feel impossibly long. I took a deep breath, waiting. Then, just when I was ready to give up, I feel the same strange fluttering inside of me, just beneath my belly button. I nearly jumped with excitement, eyes wide to try and see his face in the darkness. There's just enough moonlight coming in through the half-open curtains that I can see the smile splitting open his face.

Our baby was there. Our baby was real and there and kicking. Maybe we wouldn't be able to see the little guy or girl before they made their entrance into the world, but at least we could feel the little one.

"That's our baby," Jackson whispered out in awe.

"Yeah, that's our baby." Tears welled in my eyes. I didn't know if he could see it or not, but he managed to find my lips in the darkness, kissing me harder than he ever had before.

Snow fell twice again after that night. The first time, it wasn't so bad, but the second time it was a complete blizzard, leaving us locked up inside for two days straight without fresh air and minimal sunlight from the thick haze of clouds that remained looming in the sky. His guitar skills improved vastly from the first time that he had picked up the guitar and strum along on it, even if his singing doesn't. My art gets better, too. I let him see the sketches – the first time I had drawn him when he had been asleep in my bed after Gary, to the more recent ones.

Now, there was a thick beard on his face and curls on his head. The beard was messy. Jackson always joked that it was just meant to keep me warm when he went down on me. But I liked the curls on him. They took away from some of the worn edges on his face and the way that the world had aged him. I trim his beard, and he cuts my hair. Barely. My hair was nearly straight with the weight of it, falling past the middle of my back. I'd cut it when summer came around, but for now, it was warm to have all of it.

We were almost out of lotion. I'm about halfway through the pregnancy, maybe a little more. Even though I had urged him to be more sparing about his usage of it, he always insisted on rubbing lotion on my belly. So far, I didn't have any more stretch marks than I had before the pregnancy from teenage years. It was hard to say whether or not that would change.

"Don't use so much," I reminded him for the umpteenth time.

"We can always find more," Jackson disagreed, his thumb running around my belly button. It had popped out a few weeks ago. It was a little more ticklish than the rest of it – I'm sure that was why he liked to toy around with it. "Relax."

"You're spoiling me," I commented with a shake of my head, adjusting the pillow that I was laying on.

Getting comfortable was getting more difficult with the bigger that my belly got, that much was certain. I could only sleep on my side but I needed more pillows than before. Jackson and I had moved into my parent's bedroom. I never thought that I would be able to, but now that we were going to be parents to a baby of our own… it felt like the right thing to do. We had a bigger bed to share, much more comfortable for the both of us. My bedroom had slowly turned into a nursery over the last few weeks. Without much more to do, housework was an easy thing to get done.

The attic had a trunk full of old baby clothes. Some were gender neutral, but most of them were for baby girls. That made sense, given that all four of us had been girls. Some of the pieces that were neutral had never been worn. My father must have been holding out for a boy time after time. Holding the pieces that I knew he had picked out, I could feel a little piece of him with me.

"We'll probably have to co-sleep at the beginning, you know. Just like this." I murmured. Facing him on my side, my belly laid in the middle of us. I could picture clearly a little baby boy in place of it.

"But you still want them to have a nursery, don't you?" Jackson questioned.

"Yeah," I nodded. "For sleeping during the day, and when they're a little older. Just overnight at the beginning. I don't know what we'll do about a crib."

His finger drew patterns around my belly button. "We've still got a few months left to figure it out. We can check the other houses in the area and see if they have a crib and mattress for it. I'm sure that someone must have one. Aren't farmer's supposed to have a lot of kids anyway?"

"Hah," I stated dryly, rolling my eyes. "Still. It's getting a little claustrophobic being stuck in here. I'm ready for spring."

"Well, you're going to have to take it easy, you know? Let the rest of us do the hard work." Jackson spoke. I could feel him drawing a simple little flower on my stomach now.

"Gardening isn't hard work. I'll be fine. This baby is a trooper and so am I," I reminded him.

Of course, that wasn't a matter of choice. Survival required both of us to be strong no matter what circumstances were going on around us. I had made it through the first trimester without a hitch, and now, I was closer to the third than I was the first. The chances of something going wrong were down dramatically. Winter and staying indoors so much meant that neither the baby nor I had been exposed to any new germs, which was good. Now was the last time to get sick.

After the blizzard had cleared up and the snow had melted, leaving the ground soft and ready for planning, we spend a chilly day outside in the dirt. Cucumber, cauliflower, eggplant, tomatoes, and peppers. It was a lot to put in on one go, but it had been too long since we had fresh food. I knew the baby needed the nutrients.

"Here, I got you." Jackson offered his hand as I awkwardly tried to get up.

"Thank you," I breathed out, letting him pull me up to my feet. "We both need a shower."

It's been a while since either of us had taken a shower alone. Part of it was the need for warmth. Stripping down during winter was hard and even it wasn't in the same brutal freezing temperatures that it had been before, it was still far from pleasant outside, especially when dripping wet. Of course, neither one of us was capable of keeping it innocent. He rubbed soap across my belly and his hand drifted beneath the curve of my stomach, and I'm a goner for him.

Though the first trimester had been filled with queasiness, now that I was further into the second trimester, the symptoms of pregnancy were a completely different ballpark. I was insatiable. I was always hungry, always thirsty, always horny, always in need of something more. It was a test of my temperament, knowing when to stop myself when it came to food and water. Jackson was more than happy to let me wear him out in whatever way possible. There wasn't a space in the house that one of our bare asses hadn't touched by now. He was more careful about positions and the baby than I was, most of the time. Once I got going, I couldn't focus on anything until he had made me come. Sex was an every day constant.

Which was why I was more than comfortable enough to get up to things in the middle of the night. It's dark and I have to navigate by nothing more than touch. My hand runs down his abs till I find what I want, already half-hard. He must have been dreaming about something good.

Pushing down my panties, I was already wet. Carefully I positioned him against my entrance, moving my hips back against him and feeling him enter me, moaning out loudly.

When he woke up, I could feel it before he had to say a thing. The movements were no longer just my own steady back and forth and his hand held onto the curve of my hip for a moment, squeezing tight. Maybe he was just as insatiable as I was.

"Holy shit, April…" Jackson moaned out. "You're a damn mind reader."

"I couldn't wait till morning," I replied. "You feel so good, baby."

Jackson took over the movements, slow and deep thrusts inside of me. A little more whining and his hand slipped from my hip to the front of me, finding my clit and rubbing circles around the sensitive nub. He knew that lately, I wasn't about dragging out sex but instead hitting that release as quickly as possible. I was lucky that he was so good at sending me over the edge.

When I do find my release, I cry out for him loudly, reading blindly behind me and grabbing onto his ass, digging my nails into his skin. It takes time for me to be able to come down and find my breathing again. Orgasms happened to be the perfect antidote to get me back to sleep at night and even sleeping late in the morning past the sun coming up, no matter what position I was curled up in. I'm sure that it helped to have him right up against my back, aware of his presence the entire time that I had to fight to fall back asleep again.

Bright sunlight nearly blinded me when I finally opened my eyes in the morning, taking a deep breath and letting it out noisily as I rolled onto my back for a moment to stretch out my arms and legs. Jackson was sitting at the end of the bed, watching me with a fond smile.

"It's creepy when you watch me sleep," I remarked.

"You look peaceful when you sleep. I like it." He reached out toward me, rubbing my ankle and foot gently.

"Creepy," I mumbled despite the smile breaking across my cheeks.

"I was thinking about what we could do today," Jackson said, diverting the subject.

"What's that?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

"C'mon," he tugged my ankle lightly. "Get up. Breakfast first. Then I'll tell you."

My eyes rolled playfully at him but I scoot myself out of bed, getting rid of the dirty panties from last night and pulling on a pair of sweatpants without any underwear. Better to go without than to wear something dirty. He had apparently been up and moving around before I had woken up – there was already breakfast on the table. Some beef jerky from the pig that we had taken care of in the fall, and some applesauce that I had forgotten about. That was a long shelf like I was grateful for.

Devouring breakfast as quickly as I can, the baby made its appetite known. Even though there was still a little hunger left in me, I don't try to get more food. We had rationed as carefully as we could and even with plants growing, they weren't ready to be eaten just yet. We had to make it a little bit longer, then we would be fine and eating like normal again. I was holding onto that.

"Okay, so now you have to tell me," I commented as I licked the spoon clean.

"Bossy," Jackson grinned. "I want to put together a library."

I blinked in surprise. "A library?" I questioned.

"Uh-huh," he nodded in confirmation. "I know that building a town is your thing, really, but… I kind of want this to be a thing of my own. We'll get all of the books that we can from here and the other houses, put them together in one community space. That way when the people from the army base come, it'll be more than just a place to survive. It'll be a place to live. The farms are kind of spread out, but it could be a place to gather again."

A smile softened the edge of my lips and I nodded my head in approval, tears welling in my eyes. That had to be the hormones. "Oh, Jackson. Yes, of course. I think that's a beautiful idea." I nodded eagerly.

"I always liked libraries growing up." He reached across the table, taking my hand between his and rubbing his thumb across the back of my knuckles. "They felt homey. I didn't have a lot of other friends who cared about school as much as I did. Even my family didn't push me that had because they thought I was just looks and no brains. I always knew at the library, none of that really mattered."

"This is a really, really good idea," I confirmed with a nod of my head, squeezing his hand. "I love it. Of course, we'll do it. The baby will love it too one day, you know? We'll be able to take him or her there and read to them."

"Yeah, we will." His gaze dropped down to my belly for a moment. There was a fond smile on his face.

"We're going to raise a smart baby, between the two of us." I grinned.

"Yeah, we are." Jackson placed his hand on my stomach after speaking and it was only a moment before the baby inside of me responded, kicking in the direction of their father's hand eagerly.

I laughed. "A smart and strong baby, judging by that kick."

"I played football in college, you know. Bet that's from me." There was obvious pride in his smile.

"Who's to say that it's not from me?" I questioned, teasingly harsh with a raise of my eyebrows. "No, it's definitely not. My sport in high school was marching band. I played flute and I was terrible. Two left feet." More laughter came out of me, louder than before.

"Oh, I can totally see that," he chuckled. "Who'd've thought, a high school football star and the girl who could barely keep up with the marching band, having a baby together?"

I shook my head and leaned forward, kissing him hard.

"How about a kickass trauma surgeon and plastic surgeon surviving the end of the world together?" I suggested instead, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling myself closer to him.

"Whatever makes you happy, babe."


	11. Chapter 11

**_JACKSON_**

It had been a long time since I'd listened to a baby's heartbeat in-utero.

Pressing the cool material of the stethoscope to the outside of April's growing belly, it only took a moment of readjustment before I could hear the quick fluttering that indicated the baby's heartbeat. I watched my watch tick by for a few seconds as I counted the quick beats. The heartbeat was about one hundred and fifty beats per minute, right on track with where it should have been. Yet even after I've calculated the rate, I listen for a few seconds longer, taking it in. That was our child in there, strong and growing, showing every sign of life as April ticked off milestone after milestone in the pregnancy.

Smiling at her, I nod without saying a word before pulling the upper end of the stethoscope away from my ears and passing it over to her, allowing her to have a listen to the sound of our child's heart beating. We had done our best to monitor every detail that we could. Neither of us was an expert about pregnancy, though we know more than the average person merely because of our professions, so we wanted to do everything that we could.

There was a clear light in her eyes as she picked up on the quick beats of the baby's heart, a broad smile stretching across the curve of her lips. Maybe it had been a bumpy start to get here, but we were thrilled about the new life growing inside of her.

We had to be, in a way. With everything that we were going together and in Moline, building up this town from the few scraps that had been left over, it was about starting a new world. A new world would require new lives. Children would have to come along one way or another for everything to continue, planned or unplanned. Owen hadn't mentioned whether or not there were children in the army base that he had talked about when he had been here, but if there were important individuals there, it was easy to assume that their family would be in there with them, too. Society needed a balance of children and adults in order to function on a longterm scale. We were just building into everything else with one more addition.

I placed my hand a few inches to the side of the stethoscope, waiting for a few seconds. It doesn't take long before I feel it – a distinct kick as out child responded to the stimuli of the environment. A strong, smart baby. That was what had to come from the two of us. Nothing else would have made any sense.

Maybe I wouldn't be able to give this child everything in the world. I couldn't turn back time and try to go back and stop everything that had happened. Most of the population was gone and that was that. Maybe a majority of the diseases had died out with them, we could burn and bury it away, but it was hard to know until people started living around each other again. I knew that this child would have two parents who loved him or her more than anything else in the world, who would do anything and everything that they could to protect them. That was the least I could do. But hell, I wanted to do more. A library. A home. A town. All of it.

"It sounds really strong," I remarked with a smile.

"Yeah, it does," April agreed and nodded her head. "It's going to be a strong little boy."

"No way," I countered. "It's a girl. She's going to look just like you, April."

Of course, this was the argument that we had been going back and forth on in the past couple of weeks. There was no way for us to know the gender until the body was born, just like the olden days, but it was still exciting to go back and forth and plan. We hadn't gotten past going back and forth about the gender for long enough to talk about the different name possibilities.

"Nope," she popped the syllable as she spoke. "We're going to have a little boy. Trust me, it's maternal instinct. I just know." There was a smug grin resting across her lips, self-assured.

"That's what you keep saying and yet I still don't believe it," I remarked with a grin, wrapping the stethoscope in half and setting it down before writing it down. We had already taken a tape measure around her belly to make sure that she was still growing at a steady rate.

"Well, that just means you're going to be wrong." She quipped.

"Agree to disagree," I chuckled with a smile.

Things had become much more pleasant in the household as spring began to warm the air around us. It was nice for the both of us to not be locked up inside all day long, able to really stretch out our legs and enjoy the fresh air. I had been worried about her, locked up inside and pregnant. Exercise was important, even if I could understand it may not have felt like much of a priority for an expecting mother with all of the other changes that her body was going through. But there was more to it than just Kegels.

It had been easier to spend a bit of time with Mark and Lexie, too. With all of the changes going on around the house and outside of it, I didn't want April straining herself. I knew that she was prone to push herself, but I was careful to keep an eye on her and make sure that it didn't go too far. She could be rather stubborn in that regard, which I had learned quickly.

Stubborn was good and bad. She wasn't sleeping well no matter what position that she got herself in, I knew that. Occasionally she woke me up tossing and turning in the middle of the night, but I avoided complaining about it knowing how uncomfortable she had to be. She'd slept on her stomach before, I had noticed, and now that was no longer a viable option given how large her stomach had become. She had popped out in the past few weeks especially, now at twenty-six weeks pregnant by our rough estimation. Her belly was her most noticeable feature, standing out quite literally from the rest of her body. But she was beautiful. Pregnancy suited her despite the inconvenience of so many other factors.

The growth in her stomach also served as a bit of a ticking time bomb for getting everything ready. Even though the library wasn't a priority, not compared to having a baby, whenever I had mentioned that maybe it should take the backseat, she had disagreed vehemently.

"Avery, you done?" Mark's voice drew me out of my thoughts.

"Yeah, yeah," I nodded, clearing my throat and getting off the bike. My back arched from the bag of books on it. "Got as many as I could carry in one load. Cleared out that one old blue farmhouse."

"Then let's see what we've got."

Books are emptied out of our bags and spread out in front of us so we can take a look at all of them. There are repeated Bibles, of course, I was sure that just about every house in this town had a copy of that. There were a couple of classics, a couple of kids books. It was a small start but at least it was a start.

"It's looking good," I commented, smiling to myself as I brushed some dust off one of the covers.

"You think that April is going to like this?" Mark questioned with a glance over at me and I nodded. She would. She had loved the idea from the moment that I had mentioned it.

"Yeah, yeah I do," I breathed out with a proud smile.

"Lexie will too," he grinned. "She's a big book nerd. When I first found her, you know, she was buried inside of a book. Hadn't eaten or had anything to drink in a day or two. Yet she still held onto that book like it was the thing keeping her alive."

I glanced over at him, surprised. "Damn. I knew she was smart, but still." I shook my head. "Guess it's a good thing that you guys found each other. Surviving is easier when you're not alone." That had been a valuable lesson that April had taught me, one that I tried to repay her for every day.

"Yeah," Mark agreed. "It is. It's been easier for the both of us since we found you and April, too."

"We're doing what we can," I shrugged it off, not wanting to take credit for what was mostly her work. "We'll see how things change if those army people arrive. I'm sure they're going to make a huge difference in everything that goes on here once they do." What difference was hard to predict at the moment, but I knew that April was optimistic. She had seemed to like Owen quite a bit from the short meet. Cristina hadn't seemed so bad, either.

"Well, I'm sure a library isn't going to be a priority of theirs," he commented with a chuckle. "So I'm glad that we're getting it done now. Even if it's not a necessity, it'll be good to have."

"That's the hope," I agreed.

My mom had worked a lot when I was young. She had done it for the best of our family and to build up the foundation, and even if that doesn't matter now, it had been a lot for us growing up. She had worked her ass off. That had been one hell of a role model for me growing up. There had always been worry about me not having a father figure in the picture but I hadn't needed one when she was around for me, even if her presence always wasn't that of a physical one. She had been inspiring and she was the reason that I had worked my ass off into becoming a doctor, even when no one else in my family had expected it of me.

I'm six years old. It'd taken a lot of convincing to be able to sell that I didn't feel well enough to go to school that day and stay home with my mother. Usually, we had a sitter, but I had begged and pleaded with her to stay home with me herself. It had been one of the few occasions in my life that she had actually given in to my pleading.

That day, Mom had taken me to the public library. She had some work to do still and wanted somewhere quiet to get it done, and I had made it clear after a little bit of hustling that I really wasn't as sick as I had exaggerated to get off the hook of going to school. Even though she had gone with the rouse that she would be able to get some work done, we'd gone through book after book together. It was one of those simple moments that had managed to stay in my head for the rest of my life. She hadn't always been able to take time with me like that because of all of the other things that she had done to make my life better, but she had that time. It had spurred a fondness for libraries, first subconscious and then intentional. That was a memory that I wanted to be able to recreate with my own child, daughter or son.

The narrow options would play a role in whatever books I would be able to read him or her. Of the ones laid out in front of me, _Charlotte's Web_ or _The Wizard of Oz_ would be an easy pick. Or perhaps _Anne of Green Gables_ would be a good pick if it was a daughter. When eventually, she or he was a little bit older, _The Hobbit_ would be a good choice. Of popular fictional series, that one had always been my favorite pick to rely on and reread over and over again.

One of them would end up getting taken back to our house with us. Even if it was meant for the library, I wanted to have something between us and the baby. April had already insisted on getting all of the books in the house to the deemed library. There had been a family-owned, abandoned bookstore in town that was now our library.

It would join the stuffed animal under the seat, a surprise for once the baby was born.

Books weren't the only thing that had been added to the house. Now that we were finally able to be out and about, time was split between looking for baby supplies and finding books. The latter seemed to be much easier – it didn't matter whether or not kids were in the picture, how old the kids were, they were pretty much there whether it was the Bible or fiction novels.

"Hey, what's all this?" April questioned as I got out of the truck, shutting the door after me. "I thought we agreed that we weren't going to use the truck anymore now that the weather's nice."

"Mark found a bassinet." I grinned. "I had to haul it here somehow."

"Let me see, let me see!" She squealed, bouncing on her toes and clasping her hands together in front of her chest. I motioned her around to the bed of the truck. "Oh, Jackson, this is perfect. I love it. I adore it!"

"I'm glad that you like it," I smiled at her softly. It would need a bit of cleaning up but it would be a good fit. I walked around to the bed of the truck, undoing it before stepping up myself to pull it down and get it out of the truck. April tried to step forward to help and I shook my head. "I got it."

Carefully removing it and setting it down, I gently move it to the front porch. Taking it apart and doing the pieces of it individually would be the easiest way to clean it out. Hopefully getting it back together wouldn't be too much of a daunting task. Even if it may have been an impossible task, I wanted everything to be done right in the nursery. This wasn't going to be the pregnancy or the life of her dreams, but I would do damn well to make sure that I could make it as pleasant as otherwise possible for her.

"Can we go ahead and get it cleaned up?" April asked with bright eyes.

"Of course," I nodded quickly. "Let's get a toolbox and whatever you think will clean it out."

Heading inside of the house with her, I get the toolbox out of the garage and help her carry out a bucket of soapy water to wipe it down. Taking it apart was simple enough. A few screws here and there, carefully placing them so they don't roll off to disappear forever. Once it was all taken apart, I held her with scrubbing it down thoroughly. The last thing the baby needed was germ exposure he or she wasn't ready for.

When it had been taken apart and disinfected to the best of our capabilities at the moment, we leave the different parts and pieces out on the porch to dry out, minus the screws which I pocketed. I would come back to get it inside and put it back together in a few hours before night fell. It would be easier to move in pieces.

"You ate while I was gone, right?" I asked as we sat down on the couch.

"Yeah," she nodded. "I saved some for you in case you were hungry when you got back."

I shook my head. "That's alright, I'll just wait for dinner." Truthfully, I was eating a little less to make sure that she was getting everything that she and the baby needed. It was a sacrifice I didn't mind making.

"Are you sure?" She questioned. "It's not a problem for me to go and get it."

"I'm sure," I confirmed. I scooted toward her, placing my hand on the curve of her stomach. I only have to wait a moment before I feel the sign of life inside of it, a strong kick meeting my hand. She was twenty-six or twenty-seven weeks along now, showing and glowing. The kicks of the baby inside were getting strong. It was a confident feeling, knowing that. "I'm sitting and staying right here for this one." I grinned at her, rubbing my thumb in circles over her shirt.

"I think he likes the sound of your voice," she looked up at me with a beaming smile, one that could rival the sun. Though her cheeks had softened as she put on weight, her smile is just as beautifully intense as it had ever been. "He always moves when you're around me."

"Good." That was the way that fathers were supposed to bond with their unborn child, as far as I knew. Constantly talking and making sure the baby knew their voice, trying to compensate for the fact that I didn't have to physically carry the child. "But I'm still holding out for a girl. You're not going to butter me up into thinking it's a boy."

"Well, I'm right, you know," she countered, her eyes twinkling with bemusement.

My nose scrunched up, leaning down and brushing it over the swell of her stomach. "Disagree. That's my little girl right in there." I placed a kiss on her stomach.

"So wrong," April laughed buoyantly. "I can feel those kicks and it has to be a boy. A big, strong boy, like Daddy."

"Nah," I waggled my eyebrows, straightening my spine back up but keeping a hand on her stomach. "It's a mini April in there. I've already started coming up with some names that I think I'll be able to sell you on, too." I stated contently, my gaze remaining focused on her.

"Oh yeah?" She questioned, her brow raising. "What names do you like?"

"Olive, Mia, Jasmine, Naomi… or even Catherine." Maybe before all of this had started, I wouldn't have considered naming a daughter after my mother. I loved her but I knew that something like that would have done straight to her head and there would have been no way to stop it. But now, without her in my life, I wanted to hold onto her memory and who she was as a person more than ever. There were plenty of traits from my mother that I would have loved to see in my daughter.

"Mia is cute," she commented, wetting her lips. "Catherine after your mother? With a C or with a K?"

I nodded, "With a C."

"I like that too," she smiled, placing her hand on top of mine. "Mia Catherine would be cute."

"What happened to you refusing to believe that it could be a little girl, huh?" I teased.

"Shush," April elbowed me playfully and I pretended to be hurt for a moment before more laughter slipped past my lips. I curled right back around her, letting one of my arms wrap around her shoulders and pulling her in tight against me. "It's still a boy. I'm just entertaining you."

"What about boy names then, huh?" I asked, turning my head to look down at her. "I know you. I'm sure that you've already got a mile long list of names."

She laughed. "Yes, I do," she confirmed. "I thought about Joseph some, after my father. I also like the name, Elijah. And Noah. Noah seems kind of fitting, actually, when you think about it. I mean, I guess one of his son names would be more fitting, but I don't like Shem, Ham, or Japheth nearly as much as I do Noah."

"Neither do I," I threw in. "Noah is much better of a name." Even if it was a little Biblical for my taste.

"Well, I think with the story of Noah, starting over the world again… I just like it. It fits." April smiled softly though there was a shade of pink covering her freckled cheeks. "I want him to be able to start in the world in a better place. Even if it's not going to be clean from absolutely everything and there's still a lot of work to be done, if it's going to take years and years of his life just as much as it will ours, it's… it's still a good thing, you know?" She looked up at me.

"Yeah, I get it." Or I was trying to get where she was going, nodding myself. "It's a fresh start for all of us and he's included in that. His life will be knowing the fresh start instead of what came before it." Which hopefully would not be all bad. "You still believe in all of it, don't you?"

"Believe all of what?" She questioned.

I motioned to the Christian decor on the walls. "God. The Bible. Jesus. All of that."

"Yeah," she nodded with a sheepish smile. "I do. Maybe it's silly to you, given everything else that's going on, but my faith in God is an important part of who I am. And tome, maintaining faith during hard times, that's what it's really about. It's not about believing when it's easy or when it's convenient. It goes beyond hope. I… to be honest, I don't really know how to explain."

"That's alright," I brushed off. I wasn't looking to be converted. Far from it. My entire life had been deep-rooted in atheism and believing in science. It was hard to believe that some kind of god if one was even out there, would allow this to happen to his world.

"You don't, do you?" She asked.

I shook my head. "Never have. Never saw a reason to."

"That's a shame," she muttered. I ignored the bit of uneasy stirring in my stomach at her words, feeling a bit of a lecture coming from her. "I don't know where I would be without faith. Faith, to me, is just as important as the air we breathe. While the oxygen is necessary for our lungs and oxygenating our blood, faith nourishes the heart and the soul. I don't know how I could anticipate anything being alright without it. It's how I know that things are going to be okay."

"I get it." I cleared my throat. "I think things are going to be alright one day. I don't need to believe in God for that. I just have to believe in me, and you, and everyone else who is still around fighting for that."

She gave a slight nod of her head but her gaze moved away from me and down to her baby bump. "You believe in this little guy, huh?" She questioned, rubbing her belly fondly.

"I do," I confirmed. "And I believe in her mother, and her father, and everyone else here who's looking out for her. I believe that she's going to be strong and fierce and know her place in the world. That she'll be wild and free and probably drive both of us crazy with worry about some of the antics that she gets into."

"I'm glad that you believe in us," she murmured. There was more peace in those words.

"I don't need anything else." My hand rubbed up and down along her arm as I spoke. "You're all I need."

"Now you're just being sweet on me." April chuckled with a slight shake of her head. "Oh!" She gasped out suddenly. "Did you feel how strong that kick was? Wow – that almost hurt a little bit." She complained with a chuckle.

"I did," I grinned. "Strong little girl, right in there. Just like her Mommy." I beamed.

"Mia or Noah, whichever, they're going to push my tummy to the limits the next few weeks. I can already tell." She commented. "We're going to have to find more lotion, I think. That bottle is all out because someone insisted on not conserving it." She stated with a pointed look. "I know I've already popped out mostly, but I'm not getting smaller any time soon."

I gave a guilty shrug. "We'll find some more. I'll keep an eye out for it next time." I promised. "But you're still just as beautiful as you've ever been. I don't care if you stay this big the rest of our life."

"I do!" April countered with a laugh, shaking her head.

"I still don't," I chuckled. Standing up from the couch suddenly, I turned toward her and offered her my hand. Her eyebrows knitted together and she gave me a curious look but she didn't resist my antics immediately, taking my hand as I helped her stand up from the couch.

Lifting up our connected hands, I spun her around in a slow circle before pulling her in against my chest and swaying. There's no music but that doesn't stop me. The curve of her stomach pressed against my lower abdomen before the rest of her body could reach me but I don't mind in the slightest, letting my hands fall on her soft hips as hers connect together at the base of my neck. I slouched and tilted my head down so that our foreheads could rest together, eyes drawing shut for a moment to just enjoy the intimacy and ignore everything else that was going on in the world. It was just me and her.

The three of us spun around in slow circles in all the space that the living room allowed, and I could hear her humming softly. We both moved to whatever song it was that she was humming – something familiar but I couldn't quite place whatever the name of it was.

After a few minutes of mindless dancing and allowing the two of us to just be together in a simple moment, I leaned down to connect my lips with hers. She was softer than usual, a sweet taste still on her lips, not one that I could name or label as anything other than just being her. It was as if the sweetness on the inside radiated to a physical level. We molded together easily, my hands moving from the curves of her hips up to cup my face and hold her there, enjoying the feel of her lips against my own.

"How do you think we're going to raise this baby together, huh?" April asked.

Although I can't tell from the expression on her face whether or not the question was intended to be such a loaded one, it was certainly received the way. We had differences, some that were more fundamental than others. I knew that it went beyond the obvious way that we viewed faith and religion. She probably wanted to raise a child in that but I didn't see any point in it. If someone was really meant to be religious, they would come into it regardless of how they were raised. But I suppose the same could be said in the opposite direction, too. There were a lot of differences that we would have to work out. I knew her worldview was much softer than mine was because she had stayed isolated on this farm when so much had been brutal and violent, even if she hadn't been completely untouched by it.

But we would do it together, one way or another. Even if it was far from conventional or traditional, we would find out a way to make this world the best place possible for our baby and give them everything that we could. There may have been a lot of things that we disagreed about but I knew that wanting the best possible life for this baby was not one of them.

"I'm not sure," I admitted. "But I know that we'll be able to figure it out. We just have to put our brains together. You'll be able to breastfeed. We can do disposable diapers. We've got toys and clothes from when you were a baby. We've got this, April."

"It relaxes me a little bit, knowing that you're confident in us." She murmured quietly.

"I have every reason to be." I pushed her hair out of her eyes. "We've done more than most people have now, haven't we? You're an inspiration. A leader and an inspiration."

She blushed, shaking her head. "Now you're just sucking up." She accused me.

"A little bit," I chuckled. "But I'm serious, April. The things that you've done here are unreal. You're going to be a legend in this place, you know? It exists because of you. Not because of the army or whoever ends up coming here, but because you were willing to start this place on your own with barely any help in the world. That was all you and no one else. I was just some muscle for you. This place is your project. It's going to be your legacy one day, too. Be proud of that. Be proud of everything that you've done." I insisted emphatically.

"Thank you, Jackson." There was a heavy sincerity in her voice that made me think that she might have actually believed me. It was always hard to know for sure – she could be so shy and modest about her own achievements. She wasn't egotistical at all, even when she had reason to be. "I love you."

"I love you too, baby," I murmured, pressing a kiss on her forehead. "Why don't you get some rest, okay?"

"Okay," she agreed easily.

It was a relief to have things working out smoothly between the two of us even if we weren't always on the same page about everything. Whether religion was going to be brought up again or we would wait until the child was older, well, it didn't seem like we were going to be able to be on the same page. But we would find a way to agree and do it together, just as we would have to do with other matters in our life. Hopefully, by the time our child was older, some of the hard decisions that we had to make in our time would no longer be in the picture. Things were supposed to be getting better, after all.

Another week passes. There are still no diapers that we're able to find, but April seemed to have ideas for making cloth ones that would hopefully hold up. It concerned me, but she insisted that it was the way that things had been done for hundreds and thousands of years, and it would be fine. I don't want to worry her any further, so I let her have that without disagreeing.

The sun was shining outside but the heat was a pleasant warmth given the hard months of winter that was still fresh on my mind. I was alone on the main street, trying to get things in the bookstore set up. There weren't a lot of houses to go through in Moline. It was small and had been for a long time. The hardest part about all of it was being careful not to weigh myself down with carrying too many books at once. But now the makeshift library was starting to look like a real one, not just a mess once-abandoned shop.

A vaguely familiar rumbling coming from outside and I stiffened as it caught my attention, brows furrowing together. I couldn't quite place my name on it and I slowly made my way toward the front of the shop, trying to get a look at what was going on.

I could see three different, large trucks rolling down toward this end of the street. The first was the only one that I had a clear view of it and it was clearly demarcated with the symbol of the U.S. Army.

They had found us. Whatever Hunt had told them about the setup that April and I had started in Moline, it had apparently been enough to convince them to come and check it out. I hoped that he was there, after the kindness and trustworthiness that he had displayed in the short time that we had been able to get to know him. But if they were finally here, and we still had a couple of months before the baby was going to enter the world, then maybe things really were looking up for April and me.

"Hey!" I called out as I stepped out of the store, waving my hands and hoping to get their attention.

Slowly, the first truck rolled to a stop. The windows were tinted so that I couldn't see who was inside of it. I held my hands up on either side of my head out wide, making it clear that I wasn't a threat to either of them. I doubted that they would know who I am, but at least they probably had an idea about who was here given that it was such a small population. I held my breath and waited, the driver's seat door finally opening up. A male lowered himself out of it, gun in hand and pointed directly at me despite the defensive stance that I had already taken. I hadn't thought that would be coming at me quite so quickly.

Maybe April's naivety was rubbing off on me.


	12. Chapter 12

**_APRIL_**

With my eyes closed, I can picture what the perfect little child between Jackson and I would look like. He has light eyes just like his father, the kind that would have displayed any emotion he might have felt at the moment, that would have looked up at both of his parents with all of the awe and curiosity in the world. Soft curls like his father too, maybe a few shades lighter or with a tint of red from me, soft wisps on the top of his head when he was first born, not like the mass that Jackson wore now. He would smile, all the time. Whether he was looking at me or his father or anyone else that he might have met in his life, he had this big, welcoming smile on his face, ready to receive whatever the world was going to throw at him.

Of course, maybe the latter was just a little bit of wishful thinking.

Even if I was a little giddy and blinded by the joy that surged through me knowing that I was going to bring new life into the world, to help start it over by providing a new generation and that this would hopefully just be the first of a few children that Jackson and I would have together… I knew that this child's life wouldn't be easy, not in the beginning. They would be breastfed and taken care of to the best of our abilities, but the world around us would provide a constant challenge.

But I couldn't let that discourage me, no matter how harsh the rest of the world seemed to be. I knew that I could be a good mother. It was something that I had always wanted to be, and my own parents had been good role models for how to raise a child, even if we didn't necessarily see eye to eye on every issue when they had been alive a part of my life. But they had been good people and they had done the best that they could with what they had. Jackson and I could do the same. We would make sure this child had what it needed, and we would try to give him more than that, too. How much more we could do was a hard question to answer.

A strong kick onto my bladder made me laugh. If I hadn't gotten up to use the bathroom less than ten minutes ago, it probably would have made me have to pee, too. There had been a lot of that lately. My body was less and less of my own these days, but I was perfectly fine with that. It just meant we were going to have a big, healthy baby together.

"I know you're in there, pumpkin," I spoke to my belly and rubbed my hand over the area where they had just kicked. The baby gave me another kick in the same spot and I smiled, a small laugh slipping through my lips. It felt like his little way of replying to me when he couldn't with words. I was sure he knew my voice and I was sure that he knew Jackson's voice, too. All of the kicks were nearly hard to count with how active the baby was. "And I love you."

Minutes passed with me just sitting on the couch, keeping my feet elevated on the coffee table to try and minimize the swelling of my ankles given I still spent a lot of time on my feet. In the back of my head, I could practically hear my mother's voice criticizing me, telling me to get my feet off the table after she'd spent so much time cleaning it and everything else.

Things outside seemed to vibrate out of nowhere and my eyebrows drew together as I glanced out the window, trying to figure out what was going on. The sky was clear and there was no sign of a storm rolling through, though the weather could always change quickly. Placing my feet on the ground, I pushed myself up, walking over to the window to peek through the half-opened curtains and try to see what was happening outside of the house.

Three large trucks had pulled up in the driveway leading to my house. I squinted against the sunlight and held my hand above my eyes like a visor, trying to get a better look. A logo became clear on the side as I stared at it. It was the army.

"Oh!" I squealed out to myself, pushing through the front door and stepping outside.

It took a moment for my pupils to adjust to the brightness of the sunshine as I moved out to the porch, trying not to waddle too obviously as I stepped down off to it and closer to them. The door to the driver's seat opened up and a man stepped out, a sidearm clearly in view as he rested his hand on it and jumped down from the high seat.

"Are you April Kepner?" His voice seemed to boom.

"That's me," I answered with a nod of my head, deciding not to step further forward given that he was so clearly armed. The passenger door opened and a woman stepped down – much smaller than the male, smaller than me. "You're from the army base? The one Owen talked about?"

"We are," the female confirmed as she stepped forward to me, offering her hand. "My name is General Miranda Bailey. This is Colonel Benjamin Warren. I've been put in charge in beginning a transition for taking over Moline and adapting it to become a suitable place to live again."

I took her hand, shaking it firmly. "It's nice to meet you," I greeted. "It's me and Jackson living here but he went out into town to work on the library he started."

"Is he the one–" Bailey started, turning toward Colonel Warren.

"Yes, he's the male that we found on the main road." He answered with a nod.

I blinked at them in surprise for a moment, my gaze shifting between them and then looking past them. I didn't see Jackson getting out to follow them, nor did I see anyone else. There were three trucks which meant there were at least two more drivers with them even if they hadn't gotten out of the vehicle, but based on what Owen had told me originally, I thought that there would have been a lot more than just this coming.

"Wh– where's Jackson?" I questioned, wetting my lips and returning my gaze to the two of them. It didn't make any sense for them to have seen him and for him not to be here too.

Warren held up his hand to silently request a moment and I watched him as he walked around to the end of the truck, pulling open the doors. I couldn't see what was inside of the back of the truck – but it was a large one, a sixteen or eighteen wheeler probably, capable of fitting tons inside. I waited a bit impatiently, glancing at Bailey for a moment and shifting my weight side to side.

"I'm sure you're feet must be tired. You can sit down if you need to." She offered.

"No, I'm fine," I shook my head.

With an increase of noise, I looked back over to where Warren had gone, shifting slightly to the side to get a better view. With the doors of the back to the truck now spread open, I could begin to see a group of people getting out of the truck. It was mostly adults and I peered through the crowd, searching out for one particular individual. I recognized Cristina among them, Owen as well, but I would be able to speak with them later, I was sure.

"Jackson!" I cried out when I finally spotted him, waving my hand to get his attention.

Upon hearing my voice, Jackson's head turned over toward me and we made eye contact. A smile softened my lips as he hurried over toward me, Warren following him, and bent down to wrap his arms around me in a tight hug. I wrapped my arms around his neck to return it, letting him give me a good squeeze despite that my belly was in the way.

"Hey," I breathed out with a soft chuckle slipping out, nuzzling my nose against his chest.

"Hi," he returned, hand rubbing up and down my back before pulling away, moving to stand beside me. "At least this time I didn't have to bike my way back, huh?" He said lightly.

"What happened?" I questioned, brows furrowing.

"I'll tell you about it later," Jackson promised, placing a kiss on my forehead.

It was a little weird but I didn't want to question it too much, especially when we had an audience. I nodded in understanding, leaning against him for a brief moment before allowing my attention to focus on Bailey and Warren again. It was clear that despite her short stature, she was in charge. Everyone seemed to be looking at her for guidance on what to do next, the other men in the army very much included. She had clearly earned their respect.

"Why don't the four of us head inside and we can all talk?" Bailey suggested with a raise of her eyebrows. I doubted that it was much of a question and nodded my head.

"Of course, come on in," I motioned up the porch steps, taking Jackson's hand so I don't trip over my belly.

"Major Hunt, take care of everyone out here," Warren ordered. I glanced over my shoulder, giving him a small wave with my fingers. He nodded at me but his expression remained serious.

Jackson opened up the door for all of us and I let General Bailey and Colonel Warren head inside first before the two of us followed. I motioned them to the living room, grateful that things were cleaned up in here and it looked like a livable place, not somewhere that had been destroyed alongside everything else. It should have made a good impression for the rest of the town and the work that we had done there. I wasn't sure what all they had and hadn't seen, but I was eager to make it known that we had done a lot of good work here. I was proud of what we had built, and it would be good to be able to add onto it with more help.

"So, what all have you done here?" Bailey asked when we had all sat down.

"Well, it's been a little slow, since it's mostly just us doing it," I began as Jackson wrapped his arm around my shoulders. "We've cleaned out four other houses so far – one of them is pretty big, actually. Lots of bedrooms. There's more, too, that I'm sure are just dusty but otherwise livable. Jackson's actually started working on a library, too, like I kind of mentioned earlier. There are lots of acres to be planted, we have a garden and so does the other couple that lives here, Mark and Lexie. I'm sure that Owen mentioned them to you as well." I explained eagerly.

"Well, I can imagine that you two have been a bit more focused on what you've got going on in your own home now than outside of it," Bailey remarked with a hand motion toward my pregnant belly. "We brought fifty people here. Clothes, food, clean water, some technology. We'll be able to get solar power here for electricity."

"Really?" My eyebrows shot up excitedly. Though we had managed to do running water, that hadn't even crossed my mind. "That would be fantastic! I mean, we're super happy to have you here and help. I don't think we have any specific vision planned or anything."

She gave a nod. "We'll work on getting people set up in houses first, then we'll start with the solar panels. It looks like we'll be double bunking for a while till we know the area better."

"We have a map," I interrupted slightly. "A map of the area, that we can give to you. I can label all of the different stuff that we've worked on. It's a small town. We don't really drive anywhere if we can avoid it, we've been biking to and from a lot of the different places. It's not so bad during the spring. Summer can get a little hard when it's super hot out and winter was difficult with all of the snow and ice but really, it's a good place to live."

"A map would be good," Warren spoke up. "It'll make it easier for the rest of us to get around."

"We're happy to provide you with whatever you need." Jackson offered. "So long as this place stays ours, you have our full cooperation. Obviously, April will need to take it easy, don't let her convince you otherwise, but other than that, we're happy to work with you on everything."

His attitude was just a little more friendly than I expected given that we had both agreed it was incredibly unfair for them to have a base that the public didn't know about. But at least now, it seemed like there had been a change of heart in that regard, one that we could both be grateful for. Even if we would have survived in this place on our own, I was sure of that given everything that we had already dealt with, there were amenities here that we hadn't had on our own. Electricity was one of them. There were likely others that would come, too. Not to mention how nice it would be to have other people to be around with and socialize with.

"How far along are you?" Bailey asked.

"About twenty-eight weeks," I answered, rubbing my belly. "I've got a couple more months."

"I was surprised when Major Hunt told me that it was a pregnant woman orchestrating all of this," she admitted. "I'm sure you've been hard at work, but for now, we'll be the brawns of the operation."

"That is nice to hear," I said with a soft smile. As much as I had been pushing myself to stay on my feet and contribute the same as I had before, it had gotten more difficult, especially since my feet had disappeared on the other side of my belly. My back hurt more and my ankles got swollen all too easily. Not sleeping enough at night was another layer of difficulty stacked on.

"If it's possible, for now, I think it'd be best if the two of us stayed with you," Bailey suggested. My eyebrows shot up. "You're married, correct?"

"Uh–" I choked out a chuckle. "No, I mean, not technically, no. We met after all of this. But we've known each other awhile, obviously," I motioned to my stomach. "But we sleep in the same bedroom. We started a nursery for the baby but there's another bedroom. Which, of course, you're welcome to." I stumbled over my words.

"Oh, my apologies," she said shortly. "Do you have that map?" She asked.

Jackson stood up with a nod. "Let me get it."

Once Jackson had returned with the map and laid it out across the coffee table, I spread it out and began to point out out where our house was in reference to main street, as well as the house that Mark and Lexie were staying out and the others that had been loosely renovated to try and accommodate people that could have ended up here. Everything did look much smaller on the map given that there wasn't a lot to begin with, of course. Moline hadn't even had its own post office, we shared it with Walbridge. But we were so close to Toledo that if more places needed to be raided for supplies, with their trunks, it shouldn't have been a big deal to go into town.

It was hard to get a read on Bailey and Warren, whether or not they were impressed with all that we had managed to do. I was proud of it. Even if it wasn't the most elaborate set up in the world, it was something that the two of us had done on our own, something that we had built up from just the bare bones. It was the beginning of a difference to be made. That was worth celebrating and appreciating, I thought. I didn't need anyone's approval except for my own. And maybe Jackson's.

"I'm going to give a few orders to the rest of them – organize a few houses for them to stay at based on this map and divide up some of the supplies," Bailey said as she stood up.

"Okay," I nodded. "I, uh, I can make dinner for the four of us?" I suggested, trying to be helpful.

"Don't worry about it," Warren replied with a chuckle as they stepped outside.

My lips pressed together in a thin line as I stared at their backs for a moment, leaning back against the couch once the front door had shut and closed my eyes for a moment. I had idolized this moment in my head, of course, unrealistically. Now things were a little weird.

Jackson's hand set itself gently on my stomach and my expression softened. It was only a moment before the baby inside responded to the external stimuli and gave a soft kick at his hand. I knew that he could feel them from the outside by now. It was why he spent as much time as possible with his hand on my belly and talking to it, trying to bond and connect with the baby as much as possible before he or she came.

"This is kind of weird, isn't it?" I questioned as I opened my eyes, turning my head to look at him. Despite the circumstances, his expression was soft, no doubt for the baby.

"A bit, yeah," Jackson agreed with a nod. "But I'm sure in a few days, it's all going to feel normal again. Just have faith in that, okay? This is what you wanted. It's what we both wanted. It's going to be easier from here on out, you know that. It's just an adjustment to make."

"You're right," I murmured wetting my lips. "I'll give it a few days. I promise."

We were both a bit right and a bit wrong.

The next two weeks pass in a bit of a whirlwind, faster than any of the ones before it. For once, our focus wasn't entirely on the baby growing inside of me. That was a part of it, of course, there was nothing else in the world that would have taken our focus and care away from the little life that we were working on together. But with so much else going on, it's a distraction, a thought that comes at the end of the day when the baby's awake when I want to sleep, or when I'm dying from my squished bladder.

Gardening had been something that even though it was a necessity for the sake of being able to eat and trying to get a healthy mix in there, well, it wasn't as necessary as it had been before. They had brought plenty of food with them and boxes of MREs already prepared. It was different and a little weird, but much more fulfilling and rounded out compared to what we had been eating before. The gardens do continue, of course, it was just a lot more than that now.

Of course, Jackson was getting his way a little more than I was lately. When he was the only one who was trying to baby me and keep me off my feet for too long or make sure that I wasn't lifting anything too heavy, it was pretty easy to resist against. He would have been the only one doing the work if I wasn't there – unless it was something that Mark or Lexie was helping him with, like the bookstore. That was a pretty easy argument to get to winning with him. But now, he had become more stubborn than ever about insisting that I didn't do too much or strain myself. Everyone else was happy to go along with it given how visible my pregnancy was. I felt more like a lazy bum now than I had in a very, very long time.

It did afford me the opportunity to socialize, though. Owen worked a lot and didn't always take the time to talk, but he was still just as friendly to me as he had been before. I'd let him feel the baby kick and that had seemed to give him a lot of joy. Cristina was still, well, sarcastic and dark about it. It's not like she had no basis to be. I react to it more than I wanted to.

There was another couple there that I had met and really liked, though. Two women, Callie and Arizona. Callie had been an electrical engineer which made her incredibly useful for getting everything set up around here. It seemed like no matter what questions she was asked, she always had the answer to it. But surprisingly, her wife was the reason why the two of them had been in the bunker in the first place. Arizona had been a senator for the state of Colorado. Her name had rung a bell when she introduced herself, but it wasn't until she stated her career that I pieced it together. Interestingly, she had been a part of the subcommittee for rural development and energy. It went right along with her wife's profession and happened to be incredibly useful for the knowledge that we needed now. The two of them seemed to be the definition of a power couple.

Watching the main street transform was the most interesting part of all of it, admittedly. There was a general supply shop set up in the building right next to where Jackson's bookstore was, containing the food packets and supplies, the medicine that they had brought. Someone from the army, whether it was General Bailey or one of the privates, was always there to watch over and take care of things. No trouble had been made so far, but it was clear who was in charge.

"Babe," Jackson's voice drew me away from my thoughts. "Are you coming to bed?"

"Yeah," I called out. "Just a minute!"

Given that Miranda and Ben, as they had insisted we call them after a week of living under the same roof, were still here, I tried not to take as long in the bathroom. I didn't want to be wasteful of any of the water, or now the electricity that had been added to the house. It's not like there were bills to worry about given the state of the world now, but it still felt like the courteous thing to do.

I finished combing out my hair, setting down the brush. I had wrung it out as best as I could but it was still damp against the back of my shirt. Pretty much all of the shirts that I wore now had been one of my parent's as some point – there were a few maternity shirts in the attic that Jackson had found with some of the other baby stuff, but the comfiest thing to sleep in were some of my dad's older shirts. They were just large enough that they could stretch out and cover my belly and the few stretch marks that I had developed as it grew, even if I wasn't entirely sure they were going to be big enough for the entire nine months.

"Alright, whiny," I murmured playfully once I had made my way back to our bedroom. "I'm here."

The bed frame creaked as a large reminder of my weight as I plopped down a bit too quickly on the mattress. I folded my legs as I faced him. I was tired, but I wanted to talk. Since we weren't alone in the house, it always seemed like there was something during the day that we couldn't talk about.

"How's the baby doing in there?" Jackson questioned, rubbing my stomach.

"I think that he's starting to get a little crowded by the way that he keeps dancing on my bladder." I chuckled. "I feel like I'm peeing forty-two times a day now."

"Well, that's a very specific number." He caught my hand, kissing the back of my knuckles.

"What did you work on today?" I asked, laying on my side and propping up my head.

"I worked with Owen, actually, cleaning up another one of the houses so we can try to make things a little less crowded around here," he began. "He's a good guy. You had good instincts about him. But he mentioned that the army might move more people out here, once there are more houses available, and bring more supplies with them. Livestock too, apparently, since they've got that there. We could actually have fresh food again. More than just birds."

My eyebrows shot up. "Really?" That seemed like a fast move, but it was a good one. "Huh. I mean, that's good. I guess farms mean that all of the houses are big. I wonder how many people they've got there," I murmured.

"He didn't say." Jackson shrugged a shoulder. "I'm a little surprised, though. They didn't seem that friendly when I first met them, you know. Before they came to the house."

"What do you mean?" I asked. "You never did tell me what happened that day."

"Right," he muttered, a heavy sigh escaping. "Honestly? It was just like being a black kid in a mostly white neighborhood all over again. Guy got out of his head with his gun out before I could say or do a thing, put me on the ground and patted me down. I don't know if it looked like I was looting, or if that even matters at this point, but I guess when Owen told them about us, he didn't mention the fact that I was black." A frown deepened across my expression. "Once he got out of the truck and explained it, then he stopped and backed off. Didn't apologize, though. It never sat right with me."

"Seriously?" My brow furrowed. "Why didn't you tell me about this sooner, Jackson? That's a big deal. That's a huge deal! Something like that should have never happened in the first place."

"I know that. You don't have to tell me." Jackson grumbled. "It's just… the way it is, you know? I don't know why I thought that the end of the world was going to change it. People have their biases and that's the way that it is."

I shook my head. "It shouldn't be that way. I mean, what? Is our child going to have to deal with that one day?"

"Maybe." He breathed out, running his hand over his face.

"I…" I wasn't sure what to say. My arm curled around my stomach protectively, as if there was some way for me to shield the baby from the problems that still somehow seemed to linger in the world. It made me sick to think that there were still people out there like that, let alone so close to us. "I just can't believe with everything else, that's still even a thought in people's mind. That has to change. I mean, Miranda and Ben, they're both in charge. You have this fiercely strong, amazing black woman leading." I chewed at my bottom lip, frustration blooming inside of me.

"We do, and we're lucky for that." Jackson placed his hand on my stomach again, rubbing a few circles over it. For now, the baby was asleep, but I was sure that would change the minute I tried to fall asleep. "Which means that our little girl is going to be very lucky. Because not only will she had role models like me and you, but she'll see someone like that in charge and know that one day, it could be her."

Leaning back against the pillow, the frown didn't soften. "I know that's a good thing," I murmured. "I guess I just… have to process the information. I wish that you would have told me about it sooner, though."

"I get that," he shrugged slightly. "But I didn't want to cause a scene with them, be the angry black man trope, you know?"

"That makes sense," I sighed. I wish that it didn't, but it does. Because you're not that. You're one of the most rational and well thought out people that I know. I'm sure that you're the best person out of all the people they brought here. I don't care if it's senators or humanitarians or whatever kind of genius we've got in the five-mile radius. You're better than all of them combined."

He chuckled, shaking his head. "That is far from the truth," Jackson paused as he leaned forward and placed a sweet kiss on my lips. "But I'll take the compliment anyway."

"It is true," I returned the kiss, features finally softening. "You hear that, baby? You've got the best Daddy."

"Eh," he shifted, moving down so that his face was by my belly. His nose pressed against the curve of my stomach as he spoke to the child inside of me. "You've got the best Mommy in the world, kiddo. She's got the biggest heart and the most beautiful smile. I hope you get that smile. I don't care what else is going on in the world, because you're lucky anyway. So lucky to be this woman's little one."

Whether it's the hormones or something else entirely, the sweet words spilling out of his lips are enough to manage tears welling in my eyes. I blinked furiously to try and keep them from spilling over. I was more emotional than ever and sometimes it was a little bit embarrassing. Even if it was just in front of Jackson, this was one of those moments.

"I love you so much." My voice cracked as I spoke, revealing the emotion there.

"I love you too, baby," Jackson replied as he shifted forward, kissing me again.

This time, the kiss was harder than before. There was more meaning behind it, mouth pressing against mine as if there was a chance it might never happen again. He was firm and passionate with me. I could feel the love there. Love always existed between us in one way or another and was often hard to miss, given the comments that we frequently got from the people around us. whether it was in the way that he smiled or grabbed my hand, the small touches that no one else saw, or the clear looks that he gave me that said everything, it was always there. But right now, it was all concentrated between our lips.

Oxygen was still the most important thing though, and eventually, our lips do have to part. My chest heaved to try and catch my breath and Jackson tilted his head forward to press his forehead into mine. I smiled at him softly, looking into those adoring eyes that I loved so dearly.

"I think that our baby is going to be alright," I said softly.

"So do I," he barely nodded against me as he spoke. "No matter what else is going on, as long as that baby has you, it's going to be fine."

"As long as it has the both of us." I corrected him lightly, reaching up to cradle his face. I brushed my thumb across his cheekbone, examining the light little freckles that were littered across his cheeks. From a distance, they were impossible to see, but up close, I can see every beautiful detail of his features. I couldn't wait to see which of those our child inherited whenever they were brought into the world in a few more weeks.

"I guess we kind of is married, huh?" Jackson suggested. It took me a moment to remember exactly what he was talking about. The easy mistake that Bailey had made. "It certainly feels that way sometimes, doesn't it?"

"Yeah, it does." I agreed. "And you're allowed to call me your Missus any time."

"Anything you want, Mrs. Avery."


	13. Chapter 13

**_JACKSON_**

Thirty-four weeks.

Even if our calculations weren't exactly perfect, that was the date that we had finally reached with the calendar that we were using to monitor April's pregnancy. She was two weeks away from being at term. That, of course, wasn't to say that she would go into labor on that exact day. Most women didn't. It could have been sooner, even. Any time between thirty-six and forty weeks would be normal which meant that it was a big window. Yet somehow, my brain still pictured it as the big day as two weeks away from today. That was a big deal. April seemed to be pretty calm about it so far and I didn't have a clue as to how.

Each day that passed caused me to grow antsier. The nursery was as done as it was going to be and there were a few different baby outfits there. With the town becoming more populated, hopefully, as the baby grew it would be easier to figure things out. We had cloth diapers to use. The stuffed animal was still hidden in the car – I wanted to surprise her with it when the baby was born.

My library had been finished, too. Shelves were filled and organized with books. There was no real checkout system or anything of the like, everything on the honor code. But that was just how most things were done around here. There wasn't a more efficient way of doing things yet.

Not having a project to put my focus and energy into turned out to be a bad thing, though. There were things here and there to help make everything more livable. Houses had been cleared out in the past few weeks and almost every couple or individual was down to at least a bedroom of their own, less and less shared space. They had been more cautious about cleaning than April and I had been – spraying everything down, making sure there were no traces of sickness left. Bailey and Warren were the still here, surprisingly still staying with us. Neither one of us was sure how much longer.

It was hard to make a definitive decision on how I felt about having them and the others there. For the sake of having supplies and knowing that we were well taken care of, that April and the baby both would be no matter what else went on, that was a good thing. It was a damn miracle compared to where the two of us had started off alone, really.

But at the same time, it just wasn't that simple no matter how I tried to make it be. In a way, it was easy to think that because of the way that things were, things would simplify. So many other things had become simpler. We didn't have the same access to everything that we did before and that had forced us back into a few old-fashioned things. They had taken charge and it wasn't a bad thing, it was just different than the way that things were before. None of them seemed to be bad people. They were just a little more intense than everything else we were used to. In the past month, it had been easier to adjust, even if it was still just a little awkward to live with strangers in our house. Bailey was a little uptight, but Warren seemed like a decent guy, even if he was tight underneath her thumb.

"Everything alright?" Speak of the devil.

"Yeah," I nodded, scratching the back of my shoulder. "Just lost in my thoughts, I guess."

"Freaking out about the baby, huh?" Warren guessed.

"Something like that." I forced out a chuckle. "Just kind of crazy to think that we're bringing a whole new life in the world. I mean, I'm sure that every parent feels that way. Did you have kids? Before?" I asked.

"A step-son," he nodded. "So I missed out on this kind of freaking out, but I had him as a teen. So there's a whole new level of freaking out there – especially if it's a boy." He laughed.

"I'm still pretty certain it's a girl," I shrugged. I hoped it was.

My nose twitched and I took a deep breath through it, feeling as though it was about to start running. As Warren spoke, I rubbed my face slightly with the back of my knuckles, glancing down at it to see just a little bit of blood on the back of my hand. Cringing internally, I hoped it wasn't noticeable, glancing back up at him. He hadn't seemed to notice what was going on.

"Excuse me for just a minute," I said quickly, getting up and heading upstairs to the bathroom.

Shutting the door behind me, a quick look at my reflection in the mirror confirmed my suspicions. Blood had begun to drip out of my nose. Cursing under my breath, I turned on the sink to splash some water on my face and washed a bit of it off before pinching my nose and tilting my head back. I sat down on top of the toilet to wait for it to cease, knowing that there wasn't much else I could do besides sit there and be patient.

Nosebleeds were normal and an inconvenience. April had a couple since she had been pregnant, mostly in the second trimester. I knew about sympathetic pregnancy, men putting on a few pounds as their partner got pregnant. That hadn't been the case for me, and I was sure that our slim diet affected it, of course. She was all belly and nothing else now. Maybe this was my body's way of showing sympathy, or something like that. It had just chosen something a little more feasible for our situation than gaining weight alongside her.

A knock on the door caused me to sigh and shake my head. Warren wasn't the type I had expected to follow me up and I really didn't feel like having to give an explanation for this. I knew how people could overreact. No need to cause any alarm.

"Jackson?" Instead, April's voice surprised me. "Is that you? I really have to pee."

"Yeah, just a second." I stood up and turned on the sink, washing the blood off my hands. It seemed like the nose had ceased its bleeding for now. A moment later, I opened the door to let her in.

"Move." She practically mowed me down to get to the toilet and I chuckled, stepping out to wait for her.

That was just another part of the pregnancy, I knew. She was peeing all the time now that the baby was so big. Even though the baby had turned so she now had to worry about a foot getting caught in her ribcage instead of tap dancing on top of her bladder, all of her other organs were just about out of space. It was just one more reminder that the baby absolutely would be joining our lives soon.

Leaning against the hallway, it's only a few seconds before I hear the toilet flush and the sink turns on, a couple more passing before the door opened again and my very pregnant other half stared up at me.

"Why was there blood in the sink?" She questioned, her brows furrowed.

"Oh, just a nosebleed." I brushed off. "Like you used to get."

"Well, try not to get anything on the carpet." She remarked. I rolled my eyes lightly, knowing that she had done exactly that. "Have you gone up to the attic yet to see if you can find what I asked for yesterday?" April asked as her facial expression relaxed, taking a step toward me.

"Slipped my mind," I apologized. "I'll head up there now."

Giving her a quick kiss on the forehead, I went into our bedroom to grab my shoes out of there before opening up the attic entrance from the hallway and pulling down the ladder carefully. I climbed up it and found the light, turning it on. Things around here were a lot better with electricity in play. We were no longer confined to daylight, even if that wasn't as much of an issue in the summer as it had been during the winter. Air conditioning was a blessing too. Right now, it's just nice to see where I was going in the attic.

It was dusty up here and as I took a deep breath, it triggered a series of coughs to clear it back out of my system. I rubbed my nose again, careful this time to not trigger another nose bleed. All of the items that we needed had been cleared out of here already in one of the previous trips. I was pretty familiar with where everything was placed.

April had asked for a little baby hairbrush that her parents had for her. Whether or not our kid was going to come out with hair in the first place, and how much it would have, was something that we wouldn't know. But the last forty-eight hours, she had been obsessed with making sure that we had a baby hairbrush for him or her. I was the last person to deny it. According to her, it was in a wooden box somewhere, though she wasn't sure which one. There were a couple that I would have to go through in order to find them, though I already knew that most of them just had old family photos inside of them. Sitting down on my knees, I pulled a few over and began to go through them.

There are photos of her and her sisters when they were young, as well as a few other faces that I can only assume are her family members. Redheads certain ran in the family. One day I would bring them down for us to go through. It doesn't take long to find the brush that she's looking for inside a box with a few other valuables, one in particular managing to catch my attention.

An old brooch with emeralds had covered in for a moment but as I shifted it over, a couple more items caught my eye. Two rings were sitting at the bottom of the box. Picking both of them up, I examined them closer. It was a man and a woman's – maybe her grandparent's though I couldn't be sure, I doubted it was her parents. It was a simple golden band for the masculine ring and a smaller gold ring with a small diamond in it. I knew her family hadn't come from money. This must have been one of the nicest things that they had.

It would be perfect for April.

Both rings are placed inside of my pocket and I head back down the ladder with the baby brush in hand. April was waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs and her face lit up with a bright smile when she realized that I had found what she wanted.

"Yay!" She squealed, taking it from me. I put up the ladder again. "It's perfect."

I cleared out my throat again with another cough, brushing a little bit of a dust off my shoulders and scratching the back of my neck as I followed her to the nursery. It was simple and clean, a crib in the middle and a dresser filled with the few outfits and cloth diapers that we had.

"I'll put this right here," April announced as she set it down on the nursery, looking satisfied.

"You know, maybe we could put some old family photos in here, to liven the place up. I found a few while I was looking for that upstairs." I suggested with a raise of my eyebrow, seeing how she'd react.

"Maybe…" she nodded thoughtfully. "The simple look is kind of nice, though. Nice and clean."

"I found something else, too…" I began, watching her expression carefully.

Her head tilted as she looked up at me and she took a step forward. Both her arms wrapped around her waist and the bump containing our child was just a little between squished between the two of us. Like this, I can't feel the baby moving, but I was sure that there was a little something going on. Lately, it seemed like all the baby did was move and move and move. She was always talking about it.

"What's that?" She asked.

"Well…" I took a deep breath before starting. "I know that we'll never be married, not like people were way back then. But that doesn't matter to me. As long as we have the two of us here, that's all I want. That's all I need. So…" As I spoke, I pulled both rings out of my pocket and laid them out of my hand for her to see. "Just because there's no paperwork, that doesn't mean we can't be as married as we want to be. So we should have rings. To know that you're mine and I'm yours, and we'll always have a piece of one another with us."

"Jackson." A quiet gasped escaped from April's lips, eyes dropping down to the rings and looking up at me for a moment before going back down to the rings. "These– wow. These were my grandparents' rings. My favorite grandma, actually. I love it. I love this. This is perfect. Thank you so much, Jackson. Thank you."

Taking her hand, I slid the ring on. It barely goes past her knuckle and I chuckled. "We'll blame that on the baby." Trying again, I put it on her pinky finger instead. "There we go."

She snagged the other ring from my hand and slid it onto my finger. It fit better than hers had, but I wasn't the one walking around with another human being growing inside of me. I would worry about the fit if it didn't change after she gave birth to our son or daughter. Then we might have to figure something else out. For now, this was all that we needed.

Bending down to compensate for the difference in our heights, I sealed my lips on top of hers in a firm, passionate kiss. It's a little awkward between us and we aren't as intimate as we used to be together, but it doesn't make a difference in a moment like this. All I want to do is kiss her and make sure that she knew exactly how much I loved her. I can feel it in her lips that she loved me with the same passionate intensity, that she wanted everything between us just as much as I did. It's the only reassurance left in the world that I need. Really, she was the only thing left in the world that I needed. We were lucky to have safety and security, food and water, but none of it would have mattered without her there.

"Oh," she pulled away from me suddenly as she gripped her stomach, face scrunching up in pain.

"What's wrong?" My eyes dropped down to her belly. "Is it the baby? A contraction?" I questioned quickly.

April shook her head, features remaining tight together as she shook her head to try and tell me not to worry. "No, no," she breathed out with a sigh. "Sorry, it's just a Braxton Hicks. I've been getting them more and more lately. The baby really is ready to come." She explained. I let my shoulders drop down again.

"Are you sure?" I questioned, eyebrows high in my forehead.

"Yeah," she breathed out. "I just need to walk around some and it'll go away. C'mon, let's go on a walk for a bit. I've just been cooped up inside too long today anyway."

"Sure," I nodded.

Carefully, I help her get down the stairs, knowing that she can no longer see her feet past her belly anymore. It was unfortunate that all of the bedrooms were upstairs in the house and I knew that she shouldn't be climbing the stairs too much. she spent more time on the couch lately to try and give herself a break without having to go up the stairs, but I know that she appreciated being able to have a little privacy now and then. Though we were both grateful to have other people there, alone time was still a nice breather.

Summer had come full blast with the sun blazing in the sky. In direct sunlight, it is a bit hot, though not too unbearable. I squinted for a moment as my eyes adjusted to the bright sunlight as we moved toward some of the cornstalks. Quite a few of them still grew tall, even without us actively planting them.

"Are you still sure that it's just a Braxton Hicks?" I questioned as my hand moved to the small of her back, rubbing a few gentle circles there. I knew she had been dealing with a lot of soreness.

"Yep." She nodded. "It's going away. I just had to get moving a bit more."

"Good," I breathed out, just a little relieved.

Even if I was excited for the baby to be coming, that didn't mean that I was quite ready for it. I wasn't sure that I was going to ever be ready, that it was just going to be something that happened and I would have to adjust to it. That didn't seem like the most abnormal thing. Parenting was a hard challenge, one of the biggest and most important things that a person could do. How could anyone ever really be prepared for everything that it would bring? This baby was going to change everything between the two of us. Even if it was for the better, it was still going to be a massive change. It would be unlike anything that I had ever experienced in my life, and I had been through a lot.

"Are you nervous?" April questioned, tangling her fingers. I used my other arm to cough into my elbow for a moment.

"A bit," I chuckled. "It's just a big thing. A baby. Our baby." I emphasized.

"It is our baby," she smiled and rubbed her stomach. "Our very active baby who I will be more than happy to have our if it means I can take a proper deep breath again. I'm excited to meet him. Our little baby Noah. He'll be a big ol' sweetheart, just like his daddy is." She beamed.

"Nope." I smiled, her words bringing me back down. "It's going to be a sweet little girl, just like her Mom. Beautiful and big eyes, she'll have everyone wrapped around her fingers. Especially her Daddy." It was so easy and natural to talk about our child like this. The only weird thing to imagine is that soon it would no longer be ideas and fantasies, but an actual reality. We would no longer go back and forth about it being a girl or a boy, but we would know the sex.

"I guess we're going to know who's right soon, huh?" Her head dropped down to look at her stomach.

I nodded. "Yeah, any day now, pretty much. Don't be too early, though. Two more weeks."

Another cough escaped from my throat and constricted my ribs as I cleared out my lungs, shaking my head and practically rolling my eyes at myself. Dust, pollen, it's always something. Unfortunately, it wasn't the type of thing that fresh air actually helped with. It would clear itself soon enough, I could guess that much. None of the people that the army had brought were sick. Even if it was something that I and the others had probably wanted to forget from the extreme scenario that our world had sunken into, people did get sick and it was harmless. Not everything was fatal.

"What is with that?" April questioned, poking my ribs with her elbow softly. "The cough?"

"Don't know," I admitted with a slight shrug. "Just been something in my throat the past couple of days." I tried to brush it off, not wanting her to worry.

"Is that it?" Even though anyone else int he world would have pulled away from me in a situation like this, she looked up at me, remaining just as close as she had been before. "You don't think that you're coming down with something now, do you?" She asked.

My head shook. "No." I didn't want to fathom that possibility. "Not anything serious, at least. It's probably just some summer allergies or something like that. It's not like I've overspent a summer out in the fresh air and a farm like this, you know? I was such a city boy. All of this corn probably would have weirded me out if I wasn't so used to seeing it now." I chuckled, motioning to the open fields around us. It was definitely far different than any of the summers that had been spent in Boston, Seattle, or any of the other big cities in the world.

"Is it just the cough?" The inquiries continued and I wasn't surprised that she wouldn't let up quite so easily. "Or has there been something else, too? You know that you can tell me anything."

I fell quiet for a moment. When the tables had been reversed, I had protected her. I had made sure that no one would think about hurting her when she had displayed symptoms after the exposure to tuberculosis and it had been okay. It had turned out to just be pregnancy symptoms, a miracle, but if we hadn't realized that when we did, things could have been drastically different than they were now. I knew that she would do the same thing for me if it were necessary. But in this case, I didn't want it to be. Everything would be fine. We had a baby to be worried about, not me.

"Mostly just the cough," I answered with a shrug of my shoulders, reaching up to scratch my back. "A little bit of heartburn here and there, but I think it's just taking my stomach a bit of time to adapt to what we're eating now. It's a lot heartier than the stuff we had before. A lot more protein." An easy explanation to throw out there.

"Hmph." April didn't seem satisfied with my explanation. She reached over and placed her hand on my forehead. "You feel warm."

"Well, we're standing out in the sun. I'm sure that's the only reason why." It was sensible enough.

"Let's hand back inside." She tugged my hand in the direction of the house again and I turned with her. "My little contractions are gone anyways and I don't want to get too hot out here. I really, really miss deodorant. I don't even have to be outside to get all hot and sweaty." She complained.

Biting my lower lip, I followed her back into the house and we both swallowed some water. It helped to clear out my throat some, and I knew hydration was extremely important for her right now with all of the extra fluids inside of her body, but it doesn't make much of a difference for me for very long. A cough comes back at night, but I'm glad it was then. When April does get comfortable and sleeps, then she sleeps like the dead. Nothing woke her up unless it involved some physical contact. Bailey and Warren were both asleep. I don't have to worry quite as much about the noise or hiding it.

It's hard to say if it was the hoarse cough or the night sweats that actually woke me up on that particular night. I don't want to shower and wake them up but I spend a little time in front of the kitchen sink, bigger than the one and the bathroom, easier to wash off my face and hands in. No one seemed to notice that I had been awaked, and April certainly doesn't when I crawl back into bed with her. I don't curl around her like I usually do, laying with some distance between us.

For the next three days, the process seemed to repeat itself. I'm exhausted through the day and a little moodier than I would have liked to be with April and the others. Avoiding them is easier, the best way to hide whatever was affecting me and not have to worry April or anyone else. Though truthfully, she was the only one that I was genuinely stressed about causing any worry or anxiety. If the others found out, I didn't think that their reaction was going to be quite so kind as to be worried over my well being. Instead, I worried over how they would respond, how they would see was a threat. I could have been. Right now, it was hard to know.

But it's the middle of the night when I do get caught. Fortune cared about me just enough to make sure that it was April on the other side of the bathroom door to hear me empty what little dinner I had consumed the night before. Anyone else and things could have been much worse than they already were.

"Jackson?" Her voice was just loud enough to be heard. "Let me in, please." She whispered.

Sighing, I flushed the toilet and stood up. My head spun but I was sure that it was just from vomiting and I bent over the sink for a moment to wash over my face and rinse out the taste of vomit in my mouth. Then I finally open the door to let her inside.

"What's going on?" She questioned, reaching up to feel my forehead. Her hand was pleasantly cool against it. "You're burning up."

"I'm fine," I insisted. A glance in the mirror told another story, though. I was paler than usual and there were bags beneath my eyes, no doubt from the lack of sleep that I had been getting the last couple of nights. There wasn't much that I could do about that. I figured that it was just something that I would have to deal through and let it pass, try to suffer in silence so that no one else found out about it.

"No you're not," she disagreed with a shake of her head. "You're clearly sick."

I stepped back, sitting down on the toilet. "Then you might want to get out of here if you believe that, April." I motioned to her stomach. "You don't want to expose yourself or the baby to anything that you don't have to. Me included."

"You've been like this for a few days. Whatever it is, I'm already exposed and I'm not just going to leave you alone to suffer in here, okay?" April replied stubbornly.

I fell silent for a moment and she interpreted it as defeat. To be fair, well, she was pretty hard to argue with once she had made her mind up. I thought that I was stubborn before but she practically reintroduced the definition of the word to me with everything that she said and did. In a lot of ways, it was a good straight for her. It spoke to he resilience despite everything else that was going on, the way that she looked at the world and still maintained such a strong and deep connection to faith. I might not have felt the same way about religion, but the way that she maintained who she was and what she believed in despite having such a difficult environment about her was truly admirable.

April wet a washcloth and placed it against my forehead. I held it there for her. It was deliciously cool against my skin and felt amazing. I leaned into the back of the toilet and tipped my head back so that it could balance there without either one of us having to hold it up, letting it bring down at least a portion of my outside temperature.

"You really shouldn't be in here, April." I finally spoke up after a few seconds. "I can take care of myself on my own."

"But you won't." She disagreed. She had me there, I hadn't been doing much other than trying to keep it as private as possible. "I have lived this long. I have strong antibodies. Lots of them, too. I'm going to be fine, baby, I promise. Just let me take care of you. This is what a wife does."

"You know how outdated that sounds, right?" I teased her with a gentle smile.

"Well, we're already living like it's the olden days. One or two pieces of the attitude from thare is fine." She placed her hand over the wet rag and pressed it into my forehead firmly, making sure that I was getting it completely.

My head barely shook. "You should at least be getting some rest. I'm pretty sure that the husband is just as equally responsible for taking care of the wife and the child, you know. Even if it means harassing his wife into getting back into bed." I tried to keep my words as light as possible, not wanting the way that I really felt to become too obvious. The less that she knew, and the less that she could worry about it, the better. Stress while she was so close to her due date wasn't good. I didn't want anything to contribute to that. "I'm serious, sweetheart." I murmured.

"I know." One eye peeked open to see her nodding in agreement with my words. "I'm just worried about you. Why don't you come back to bed with me? Is the nausea mostly gone now that you've thrown up?" Her hand moved to my shoulder, squeezing it gently.

"Yeah," I answered honestly with a nod. "I just need to sit here for a moment, so why don't you head back and I'll join you in a minute? I promise I will. Besides, you'll need the extra time to get comfy."

April scoffed and rolled her eyes. "If you don't come back in a few minutes, you're just going to make me get up again."

"I will." I promised her. As she started to step out of the bathroom and opened up the door, another thought hit my mind, even if it was probably already obvious given the circumstances. "Oh, and April?" I added, grabbing her attention again.

"Yeah?" She questioned, paused in the doorway.

"Don't mention any of this to Bailey or Warren. I'm sure it's nothing but I don't want to have to worry about who either of them are going to react to something like this." I sat up as I spoke, holding the rag against my forehead, half just to try and convince her I was trying to take care myself. I was, really, even if it just looked different to me and her.

"Yeah, of course," April nodded her head firmly as she spoke. "There's no way I would mention this to either of them. I promise. Having them know about it is just asking for trouble for both of us."

That was surely the truth. Even if things had been fair and rational so far, things here had also been pretty easy so far. There was plenty of space and land for everyone, nothing that people had to really fight over. No one had gotten sick and there hadn't been any kind of incidents here, as far as I knew. I didn't know if that was necessarily true from where they had been before, but everyone was more than polite, always well-controlled no matter what the circumstances were. Stirring the pot seemed like a dangerous idea though, no matter how good things had seemed on the surface level. It was best to be avoided.

"Now, what is it that you don't want to tell us about?" Out of nowhere, there was General Bailey's voice.

 _Shit_.


	14. Chapter 14

**_APRIL_**

People got sick. It was a normal part of life even if it was a lot harder to see that now than it had been before. Colds, fevers, stomach bugs, there were a million different normal things that could have been going on right now. Maybe it wasn't a pregnancy like it had been with me eight months and people had been suspicious of whether or not I was going to be the next big threat to their survival, but it could still be something utterly normal. To have an outbreak of bird flu or anything else at this point would have been random and cruel. There was no way to try and make sense of it. This was just something boring and ordinary.

That would be difficult to convince, though.

Fever, coughing, nausea, those were all general symptoms that could have been applied to just about anything. None of it would be easy to convince someone in either direction without a little more testing, but we didn't have nearly the same facilities that we had before the fallout. Even with the army here and making things easier, a few things were still unattainable and that was one of them.

The blood in my body ran cold when I heard Bailey's voice interrupted us and I gripped onto the doorway harshly, trying to figure out what to do. It wasn't like we could run. This was our house and people deserved to have a sense of privacy in it – for a brief moment, I had to wonder if that was exactly why they had chosen to stay here instead of moving into one of the other houses in the area. To keep an eye on the two people who had built up this place, to try and keep them under their thumb, perhaps. There are too many nasty possibilities and not enough good options. My gaze focused on Jackson, looking at his exhausted features with wide eyes and seeing his tired face wake up just from panic alone.

Looking back over my shoulder slowly, Bailey was standing in the hallway, squinting and glaring at the both of us. Secrets were hard enough to keep around here but this was only proof of that – proof that neither one of us wanted. We had known without having to deal with something like this.

I took a deep breath, wincing momentarily as another Braxton Hicks hit me. The baby would be coming soon, now, but I can't focus on that. I can't walk around and get rid of it like I wanted to, either, not with her looking at the two of us like she was ready to throw us out of our own house. Shifting, I took a step so that I was blocking the doorway with my body, standing between her and Jackson. I didn't know her that well, but I didn't think that she would hurt me. Not when I was this pregnant.

"Warren!" Bailey snapped before she said another word to the two of us. We each remained speechless and only a few seconds passed before a worn Warren appeared behind her.

"What's going on?" He questioned, his confusion evident.

"That's what I would like to know." She stated firmly.

Jackson's hand came down on my shoulder and I briefly glanced back at him with wide eyes, trying to read his mind but coming up short, my own judgment clouded with confusion at the moment. I wanted as much distance between him and the others as possible.

"I think that it's time for you guys to go," I said, wetting my lips and knowing it would be ineffective.

"April…" Jackson murmured, squeezing my shoulder. He was trying to calm me.

"If Jackson is sick, then he is a threat to all of us," Miranda stated bluntly. "And if he is a threat to all of us, that is something that I need to know. If you kick us out right now, that's just giving me an answer that you really do not want to give us right now." She stood tall despite her short stature, more intimidating than Warren could hope to be, though he was considerably more built up physically than she was.

"Just be honest with us," Warren spoke as he stepped up to stand beside her, his arms folding in front of his ribcage. "Don't lie and get yourself into trouble. Trust me, we don't want any problems right now any more than you two do."

More people are due two weeks from now. I knew that they didn't want any trouble or any outbreaks because of that alone. I didn't want that either, even standing in between them and Jackson. I wanted a healthy environment for us to live in and to raise our child in. I wanted us to have a happy story, even at the end of the world. We had made it this far and done so well. I didn't want all of that to fall apart now. Some cold or flu or whatever it was couldn't be the end of everything that we had worked for so far.

"I don't know what's going on." He admitted honestly from behind me. "I could be sick."

"But I'm a doctor!" I threw in quickly before Bailey or Warren could attempt to speak. "I can figure it out, okay? I know what to look for, what's alarming and what isn't." Even if his symptoms were vague. But they wouldn't know that. "I know his medical history, what's been in the area… I know more than anyone." I reasoned.

"But you're also biased." Bailey pointed out. "You love him and I doubt there isn't anything that you would do to make sure that he will be okay, even if it's not within your power. How are we supposed to trust you on that?" She questioned.

My hand rested on my growing belly. "This. This is why. I wouldn't put them in danger." I answered.

Neither of them said anything for a moment, then Warren leaned down to whisper something in Bailey's ear that I couldn't hear. My brows knit together and I strained to try and hear them but was nothing more than a mumble from here, only allowing the anxiety to stir wildly in the pit of my stomach. There was no way that I could just stand there and wait for them to say or do something.

"I still think it's past for you to go. To be safe." I spoke up again, shifting back and forth.

"Perhaps we should," Bailey replied, staring skeptically still at the both of us. "But if this is something that's going to affect all of us, then we need to know. And right now, I'm not sure that I can trust either of you to be forthcoming with us."

"Let's quarantine Jackson and the house and go from there," Warren stated. I glanced at him for a moment, trying to see if there was something softer to be found there compared to his boss. There wasn't.

"Then you need to decide now whether you're going to be in or out." I pressed my lips together in a firm line, placing my hand on top of Jackson's. I already knew what my decision was. Anything that he had been exposed to, I had already been exposed to. There was no way that I could leave him behind. I had a healthy immune system and at least two more weeks with the baby inside of me. Two weeks was a long time when I had nothing else to focus on besides him and his well being. I could figure it out and stop this before it became a bigger problem.

"You should all get out of here," Jackson spoke up, rubbing my shoulder gently. "It'll be safer."

My head snapped back toward him. "I'm going to stay. You need a doctor."

"You're pregnant." He stated it as if I didn't already know, hand slipping away from my stomach to cradle the large bump that our child continued to grow under. He or she was just about out of room inside of me. Jackson rubbed it for a moment and I could feel the baby move in response to him. "You should go, too."

"Whatever you have, I've already been exposed to it and I feel beyond find, so I have the antibodies to fight it off. But we don't know that about you too." My gaze turned back to them. "The sooner you're gone, the safer that you'll be. I can come to check on you."

There was no way to do a proper quarantine with what we had. Or at least, what was inside of the house. I didn't know everything that the army had brought with them so there was a good chance that I could have been wrong, but that was something that they would know, not me. I took a deep breath, hoping that this would be enough to convince them to leave things be. It didn't have to end violently. We could all be fine if they would just be willing to walk away right now.

"Perhaps we should leave." Bailey took a step back, glancing up at Warren. "But we'll be back in the morning for an update."

"I'll walk you out," I suggested, turning toward Jackson for a moment. "Go lay down, please."

Once he had nodded in agreement, I followed Bailey and Warren downstairs slowly and to the porch of the house. There was a truck out front that I assumed that they would take to go somewhere. Where, I wasn't sure, but I could figure that out later. The sooner that they got off our property, the sooner that I would be able to find some kind of momentarily peace of mind.

"We're good people," I began to plead once out of Jackson's earshot. "Please don't do anything rash. He's a good man. He's kind and strong and whatever this is, it's not going to kill him or anything else. Please, please, don't do anything to him or us. I know that he's stronger than whatever it is, he just needs a little time. We both do. I'll figure it out and treat him." I could only hope that my words would be enough to soften one of them into believing me.

"I know you're good people," Warren stated.

"You are," Bailey agreed. "But I would hope better for that baby of yours. The baby deserves better than a mother who's going to risk them like that. Put that child first, not yourself."

Without another word, the two of them walked away.

I stood there for a moment, dumbfounded and speechless. Of all the things to come from this, the last that I would have expected was that I was less of a mother because I had chosen my child's father over leaping to conclusions. This child deserved to have two happy and healthy parents, and it would. I would make sure by the time that they came into the world, there would be nothing to jeopardize his health.

A heavy breath pushed out of my lungs and I shook my head to myself, blinking back tears before they had the chance to fall. I didn't want Jackson to know what she had said. It would upset him and I was worried that he might think that she was right, too. He would have put the baby before himself in a heartbeat. Squeezing my eyes shut, I turned around and headed back inside of the house. There would be something that I could do. We had more medicine, access to better things now… this was more plausible now than it had ever been. I could twist myself into thinking that he was lucky that it had happened now and not before. Slowly, I made my way back up the stairs again and toward the bedroom.

Jackson was asleep when I found him in the bedroom again. I got the rag from the bathroom again, dampening it with cold water again and placing it across his forehead. But for a little peace of mind, I don't sleep in the same bed as him.

Two days pass, and he doesn't get any better. When Bailey and Warren come in to check up on us again, there was no good news that I could try to tell them. He was still sick and showed no signs of getting better. He couldn't stop coughing and he was barely eating anymore, no matter how I tried to get him too. Soup and brother were about all that he was willing to hold down. Couching up blood took me to lung cancer, bacterial pneumonia, a pulmonary embolism… none of which I could actually check for. At least two of them weren't contagious. All I could do was treat the symptoms.

Any time there's a knock on the door, it sends me into just a little bit of a panic.

"April?" A male voice called out.

"Oh," I breathed out, waddling quickly to get the door. "Hi. Hi, Owen. They sent you this time?" It was always someone.

"I volunteered," he clarified. "May I?" I nodded, stepping back to come in and leading him over to the couch so I could sit down. "How's he doing? Any better than the last time that we were here?"

I sighed. "No. But on my list, most of them aren't contagious. They aren't good, but still not contagious."

"That's good," Owen nodded. "And what about you? How are you doing?"

"Oh, I'm fine." I forced a tight smile. "I'm not showing any of the same symptoms that he has. My only complaint is that my back is about to give out but I'm pretty sure that has everything to do with this big ol' baby and nothing else." My hand rested on my stomach as the baby moved. He or she had flipped, kicks up in my ribcage now. "So I'm fine."

"You must be tired," he murmured empathetically.

"I am," I admitted weakly, pushing hair away from my face. "But I love him. I'll get this all figured out."

"I'm sure that you will," he gave a slight smile. "But they're beginning to get a bit anxious about getting more information on how he's doing. They're running out of patience. I don't know what they have planned but given that people should be getting here soon, they're pretty worked up about it."

It's a warning, I know that. But Owen was kinder about it than the others were.

Another day of little change passes. He managed to take down a little more food than before, but his cough doesn't cease. It's so persistent that when he doesn't cough every few minutes, I have to wonder if everything's okay, to check in on him and make sure that he hasn't died suddenly. Every time I have to do it, I can feel my stomach sink, expecting to worst. But miraculously, whatever it was, I still hadn't picked it up. Neither had Bailey or Warren. It led me back to some of the noncontagious options again and again. It's the middle of the fourth night when panic sets in.

"April! April!" Jackson's voice cried out.

I nearly fall over myself to get up and help him. There was a bucket by his bed already. For him to call out to me in such need, there must have been something terrible going on.

"What is it, Jackson? What's going on?" I questioned.

"April…" It's a broken cry for help. He was flat on his back and I could see a stain of blood trailing from the corner of his mouth from where he'd been coughing. "April… Please…"

"It's okay, baby, it's okay…" I kneeled on the bed next to him, helping to roll him onto his side so he doesn't have to choke on any of the blood that he was coughing up. "I'm right here." I pressed the back of my hand against his forehead. It was drenched in sweat. "Christ, you're burning up. It's okay. You'll get through this, I promise."

Wiping away some of the sweat from his brow, I pulled the duvet off of him to try and keep him from sweating too much. The glass of water on the bed was untouched – he must have been dehydrated. I guided it over to his lips and forced him to take a few swallows from it.

"April, please, you have to go. Please, take the baby. Go. Run." His voice was a desperate mess.

"I'm fine. The baby's fine. We're right here. You're fine." I attempted to soothe him, rubbing his back in small circles.

"No, no, you have to go." The words were repeated in a mumble.

"I promise that we're fine. You're going to be fine." I whispered. "It was just a bad dream, baby, and you're dehydrated. You have to keep drinking water, you're not going to get over this if you don't." I reminded him. "You have to keep drinking water. I'm going to go get you a cold rag, okay? You need a fresh one." It's hard to pull away from him, yet he looked relieved when I did.

Getting a fresh rag for him, when I return to the bedroom, his attitude came right back up. As I put it across his forehead, Jackson grabbed my wrists and tried to push me away from him. He was mumbling, harder to understand than he had been before.

"You're okay…" I continued to murmur soft nothings, hoping it would calm him down.

"No, no, no…"

It took a long, exhausting hour before the fever finally broke for the better and the hallucinations and night terrors seemed to calm down. It's the first time in the past few days that I had fallen asleep in the same bed as him, laid out in the opposite direction with my feet in his face when he finally woke up. My back and neck both hurt from the position, but there was little I could do. After the state that he had been in last night, I couldn't imagine walking away from him.

My joints ache and pop as I sit up, pushing messy hair away from my face. The glass of water was empty. I got up to fill it up with water from the bathroom sink, too tired to make it down and back up the stairs at the moment. When I returned to the bedroom, Jackson was awake.

"Hi," I breathed out softly.

"Hey," he coughed out.

"You had a pretty rough night." I murmured as I sat down on the end of the bed slowly, handing the glass of water over to him. He gulped it down eagerly, polishing it off in a few seconds. "Fever, hallucinations…" I reached forward and pressed my hand into his forehead. "You seem better now."

Jackson groaned as he sat up. "At least the fever broke. I don't uh, I don't know how much of it was really hallucinating, though."

"What do you mean?" My brows furrowed.

"You should go. I've said that from the beginning." He frowned. "You know that."

"No," I sighed, slouching. "I'm not going to leave you alone. Listen, if I was going to get whatever you had, then I would already have it." Some kind of logic to try and hold onto for now.

"Do you remember Ellie?" He stared at me for a long moment.

I looked away from him for a long moment and sucked in a deep breath through my nose, looking up and trying to keep the tears from burning in my gaze. A sudden cramp in my lower abdomen kept the emotions from becoming too much and I winched, wetting my lips.

"Do you remember what we talked about after? You were drinking." Jackson continued.

"I remember," I answered shortly.

"I told you that I wouldn't be able to kill you if you got sick, no matter what happened. But I told you if I was the one who was sick, I would want you to put me down. Euthanasia. You remember that. I know you do." It's easier to recall the conversation as more details come forward, but it had been impossible to forget the gist of it.

"This isn't that." Emotion cracked my voice and I shook my head. "It's not. We're going to be a family."

"If it comes to it, you need to do the right thing. You know that it's what's best for you and the baby, and it's what I want you to do. If I can't get better or if I'm going to be a risk to you or to our child… then you need to do it." He continued to speak no matter how I refused to listen. If it was his end, then maybe there wasn't anything I could do to fight it. But he wasn't getting worse and today he seemed better than he had for the last few days. Those were good signs.

I stood up as quickly as I could. "You're getting better. You should rest. If you're hungry, I'll be downstairs."

"April…" His voice trailed off and I pulled the door shut behind me.

Each step down the stairs was a heavy thud with the weight that I had taken up with the pregnancy. I clutch onto the railing carefully to make sure that I don't slip in the process, getting down as quickly as I could. Plopping down onto the couch for a moment, I rolled my neck out side to side, trying to relieve some of the tension there and hearing a few pops along the way. It felt a little bit better.

But maybe he was right. Maybe they all were.

The thought pained me just to think about it. As if my body was eager to punish me again for the thought, another cramp gripped the lower half of my stomach. I winched, holding onto it. I'm too exhausted to stand up and walk around, but this particular one was more painful than any of the Braxton Hicks that I had dealt with in the past.

Adjusting how I was sitting on the couch, I propped myself up with some of the throw pillows and raised my feet on the armrest on the opposite end. My eyes shut and it only took a few seconds to realize how easy I would have been to fall asleep then and there. A yawn parted my lips and I could feel myself begin to drift off. But a few minutes pass and I'm just on the verge of sleep when another cramp comes my way, jolting me back awake quickly.

"Shit." The word slipped out of my lips, shaking my head. This wasn't a Braxton Hicks contraction.

This couldn't be happening. Not today of all days.

"Oh baby, come on…" I murmured, squeezing my eyes shut. Walking around wouldn't help. People were active when they wanted labor to come faster than it was, or when they were trying to induce naturally. Bedrest was for women who were trying to keep it off as long as possible. Thirty-five weeks wasn't terribly early. If I was in a hospital, it would have been fine. If I didn't have a sick husband, it would have been fine. This was anything but fine. It was as if the entire universe had chosen today as the day that it was going to turn against me and light my world as I knew it on fire.

A groan passed through gritted teeth. it would pass. I would just have to wait it out. Labor could take days or it could take barely hours. There was no way to tell what it was going to be. I looked out the window – it was barely morning. Jackson was on the other side of this illness, hopefully. If this was going to be a long labor, then maybe it would be alright.

The sun eventually disappeared from my line of sight as I remained on the sofa. I had peed myself or my water had broken probably an hour ago. I guessed it was the latter given that it didn't smell as horrible as it should have. But I stayed put. There was nothing I could do for the sofa at the moment and I didn't want to move now. Jackson hadn't come downstairs yet for food or anything else, now called out for me. He was probably upset after the conversation that we had earlier, too. I still couldn't push it out of my head no matter how I wanted to. He was right. It was the right thing to do. I just didn't know if I had the strength to actually go forward with doing it.

Bailey or Warren or any of the other army guys would have lined up to do it in a heartbeat. That was something that I was almost certain of. They wouldn't hesitate to eliminate a threat like that one. They didn't have the same emotional attachment as I did. They hadn't been with him since the beginning, they weren't having his baby, he wasn't the love of their life. If he died or was euthanized as he had put it himself, they wouldn't think much about it. They wouldn't be left utterly alone to mourn him.

When another sob choked me up, I don't know if it's from the pain roaring inside of me or the thought of losing him. I wanted this baby so badly, I wanted it to be healthy. But I wanted him, too. I didn't want to have to pick between them. I loved them both.

"Ah!" I push through till the sky is no longer blue but instead warm painted hues. The contractions were close now. There was only so much that I could do to fight it. It had progressed faster than I had wanted naturally. I was probably the only woman left in the world who fought so hard to make it longer and to fight through it, to want the pain to only elongate and not cease.

"April?"

Shit, shit. No.

I had been so preoccupied with my own agony that I hadn't noticed Jackson begin to descend down the stairs. It had been all day. He was probably questioning whether I was still mad at him or if I was ever going to come back up and check on him. I should have. Would have, if it weren't for this.

"I'm fine," I lied, gritting my teeth.

"Have you been on the couch all day?" He asked, brows forming a deep furrow. I didn't answer. "What's going on? Is it the baby? Of course, that was the first place that his mind would go The last place I wanted it to.

"I might be in labor," I breathed out, wincing and gripping onto the pillow in my hands as another overbearing contraction hit me.

"What?" He blurted out, quickly moving over toward me. "How long?"

"Uh," I huffed out. "Since we were talking this morning?" I grimaced.

Jackson stood up suddenly, covering his mouth and jaw with one hand. "I'm–I'm going to go set off the emergency flares out back. You shouldn't be alone right now but I–I can't be around the baby. Not once it comes out. Whatever I have, I could kill it." He stared at me for a long time. "You should have let them kill me before it got this far."

"No, Jackson…"

His words hit me like a bullet and tears burn in my gaze. He stepped out of the house and I cried out loudly, both in pain and frustration, needing to finally let everything out of my system. I had worked to be quiet for so long, to avoid all of this, and now I couldn't hold back any longer. Every swear word in my vocabulary slipped past my lips as I heard the flares go off. I expected him to come back inside, but he doesn't. Instead, I'm alone.

That was the one thing I had been afraid of happening when he died. But now, it was happening while he was still here and alive, and I didn't know how that was any better than the alternative. I wanted him to be with me. He couldn't while he was sick. I twisted my neck to look out the window, seeing him standing there and looking in. Soon it would be too dark for us to see one another.

Four more cycles of contractions pass before I hear a truck approaching. Someone had seen the flares that he had set off. I could hear Jackson speaking to them, but I couldn't decipher what was being said.

To my surprise, it was Warren who came inside, clearly armed.

"You're in labor?" He questioned.

"Ye–yes!" I cried out, groaning out loudly and tipping forward as I tried to stand up. I caught myself on the arm of the couch and let out another loud groan. The baby was coming and it was coming now. There was no way that I could hold it off any longer. "Help me, please, I need to get out of these."

I would have to coach him through all of this. I had wanted Jackson here for all of it – for more than the reasons that it was his son. But he was a trained doctor and he at least knew how to deliver the baby, even if it was something that he certainly hadn't done as a plastic surgeon. It would have been much more comforting to have him there, helping me out of my pants and laying towels down beneath me. There's already a bit of blood on my thighs. It was time to push.

"Just be ready with a towel, okay?" I grunted out to Warren, pushing the hair sticking to my neck away from my face. Another agonizing contraction hit me. It was time.

I don't wait for his answer or to try and comfort him about this. I knew this wasn't in his job description but I didn't care. I began to clamp down and push, feeling the most intense pressure and a terrible burning sensation, unlike anything that I had ever experienced in my life. I screamed like I was dying. It got considerably worse after a few seconds and tears slipped past my eyes as I tried to get past the overpowering ring of fire. I wanted Jackson. I wanted him so badly, to hold his hand and for him to tell me that everything was alright, to have him support me. But I have to do this on my own. Like a lot of other things in the future.

But as the pain hit its peak of being completely insufferable, it suddenly became just a little bit easier, somewhat able to endure.

"The head– it's out. I see the head." That explained why it was better.

"Okay. Okay. One more push." I could do this. For Jackson. For the baby. I could do it.

Crying out once more as I feared down with every ounce of strength that was left in my body, the pressure and pain were suddenly surmounted as I pushed the rest of the baby's tiny frame out of my body. My lower half shook from the exertion and I lifted up my head just enough to see that Warren was cradling a baby inside of a towel, wiping away some of the fluids from its face. A beat passed as I held onto my breath before it finally wailed out with all of its tiny little glory.

"Oh, thank god." I sobbed out. "Gimme."

Tears fall freely as he handed my child to me. I unwrapped the blanket just enough, letting another sob choke me up. "It's a boy," I whispered out. This was our beautiful baby boy. I stroked his cheek, letting him suck on my finger for a moment to keep him from continually crying. Slowly, I began to stand up.

"Woah, what are you doing?" Warren questioned, clearly alarmed.

No answer is given to him. My legs scream in protest and it still felt like my vagina was on fire. I was sure that I was still bleeding and I knew that I needed to deliver the placenta still, but it could wait for a moment. Everything else could wait for a moment. No matter what Jackson's future was, whether he was going to get better or he wasn't, there was one thing that needed to happen no matter what. He needed to meet his son. He needed to be able to lay his eyes on that beautiful little boy and see those tiny tufts of curls on top of his head and know that it was his son.

"Jackson." I croaked out his name as I pushed opened the front door and looked at him. "Come to meet our son. He's beautiful."

"It's a boy?" There were tears in his eyes as he looked up at me. I nodded my head. "Wow. A son."


	15. Chapter 15

**_JACKSON_**

Our son was absolutely perfect.

It had been pure agony to stand outside and listen and wait for April to deliver him. But I knew that I would have been a risk in the room with her – I could have exposed our child to some disease that his immune system wasn't ready to fight off on its own. Without medicine, and unsure of what vaccines may or may not come along with the next shipment of supplies and people from the army, it was too big of a risk to take. I knew that April might lose me. I didn't want to be the reason that she had to lose our beautiful son, too.

My arms ached to reach out and hold him, to cradle him in my arms and make sure that he knew I was his father. I had spoken to him from outside of the womb so many times when April had carried him inside of her, kissed and rubbed her belly, tried to give as much as myself over to him while I could. Being pregnant was a difficult task for a woman in general and to have to do it during a time like this when things were so old-fashioned and unreliable, I couldn't even begin to imagine the toll that it had taken on April mentally and psychologically as well as physically. Yet here she was, standing in front of me, strong as ever as if she hadn't just gone through labor and delivery. Out of the two of us, she was the strong one. She might not have seen it that way, but she had all of the strength in the world. I couldn't even begin to imagine it. The strength was something that she was going to have to continue to hold tightly onto.

Scratching at the base of my throat, I could feel another coughing fit coming on. Though I wasn't as feverish as I had been before, the sickness was still there. I had mustered up enough to stand outside and watch, to try and be with her in whatever form that I could, but that was a minimal strength compared to what she had been doing. It was the least that I could do.

Turning away from her before I can open my mouth to say anything, blood spluttered from my lips as I coughed into the inside of my elbow again. I coughed so hard that I could see little white spots littering across my vision and I leaned into the wall to keep myself upright. This wasn't fair to her. This wasn't fair to either of us, really I wanted to be here and I wanted to help her with everything. But I couldn't put her and the baby at risk like that. She had already been so willing to expose herself to me, but I knew that everything was going to be different now. That was what happened with having children. Everything changed. Everything was going to be about this perfect little boy.

Once the worst of it was over, I took a deep breath and flattened my back against the wall so that I could see her and the baby but I wasn't facing them directly. I could feel it in my bones.

I was dying.

This cough had been going on for too long. I wasn't sure if April had been able to throw the real disease through her mind and maybe I hadn't told her exactly everything to keep from worrying her. Maybe she had noticed the weight loss. The pain in my chest and back that came with each one of the painful coughs and even each breath, the fact that I wasn't eating anymore. There'd been some blood in my urine – I knew with certainty that she didn't know about that. We couldn't really test it to know either way.

It had been latent for weeks and likely already was in April. Maybe she knew that subconsciously and that was why she was fine with being around me because she already had it in her system, it was just inactive. But it had to be tuberculosis. I couldn't see any of the other possibilities that she had offered like lung cancer.

There was no drug here that would help to stop the disease. Sure, there was some symptom treatment that could be done like for the pain and for the fever. But that wasn't going to stop the inevitable – it might prolong it, and of course, it would make it easier for me. But I was the only person that it would be easier for. April would have to see it stretched out when she should have been taking care of our baby. I don't know that I could do that to her. Pain was the last thing I wanted to cause her.

"I… I'll be right back," I muttered, covering my mouth with my hand as I walked around to the back of the house to go in through the kitchen door. It doesn't take long to find what I wanted: a face mask to cover my mouth.

Breathing with the mask over my face made my chest and upper back feel tighter than they already were, but I could deal with it. This was perhaps the one way that I could be around the both of them. April's system was likely to be weakened after going through so much and even if she already had latent TB inside of her, I didn't want to risk triggering it to being worse. She couldn't spread it to the baby as long as it was latent. I was the only risk. Keeping as many of my breath particles out of the air would help to keep it away. But there was no way the baby could come in my room for as long as I was alive. I couldn't go to the nursery or near him without a mask on, either.

"April?" I called out, raising my voice as much as I could to see if she had come back inside.

"Yeah?" I heard her reply from the inside of the living room.

"Is it okay if I come over there?" A simple question that I knew the answer to already.

"Of course," April replied.

Taking a deep breath and making sure that the mask was secure and tight over my features, I walked into the living room slowly. I could see the mess of bloody towels across the couch and the floor. Warren was staring at me skeptically from the corner with his arms folded in front of his chest, his distrust of me at the moment crystal clear.

"Are you sure that you should be in here right now?" Warren asked.

"There are masks in the kitchen if you want one." April shot at him quickly.

He looked between the two of us and gave a slight nod of his head before moving past me to go into the kitchen and presumably find one for himself. I took a slow step toward her, my eyes on our sleeping son. "Did you deliver the placenta already?" I asked, looking around.

"No." Wide eyes snapped up at her. "I–I need to."

"Can I hold him?" My voice was barely more than a whisper as I allowed the question to come out.

We shared eye contact for a moment. I didn't know if she was thinking the same as I was, but this might be my only chance, the only moment that I had enough courage to actually ask it from her. She shouldn't have to hold onto him while delivering the placenta. No doubt, she was already exhausted enough from everything else that she had done. I just wanted one moment with him. One to make sure that I could tell him everything that I wanted to tell him.

"Yeah, okay," April answered with a slight nod of her head.

Stepping forward, my arms formed a tight cradle for him. She carefully placed our son down into my arms. He was so small, practically nothing in my arms, and yet he was still the most important thing that I had ever done. The most amazing thing that I had ever given to the world. Maybe April had done all the work in this, but he was a piece of me. He was half of me. Tears burned in my gaze and this time, my throat was tight from the absolute wave of emotion that was crashing through me. This was my little boy.

"I'm gonna step outside for a minute," I warned her and Warren as he came back into the room. This would probably be the only time that I would ever have a minute alone with my own child.

"We'll be here," Warren muttered.

Pushing open the front door with my shoulder, I let it close behind me as I sat down on one of the chairs on the porch. I was exhausted and needed to be in bed, but I needed this moment between father and son more. I didn't know if my own dad had ever had moments like this. It pained me to think I wouldn't be a part of my son's life, just like my dad hadn't been a part of mine. But this was different. I wanted to be here with every fiber of my being.

Carefully adjusting the blanket that had been wrapped around his small frame, I took a good look at him. The eyes were mine. Most babies had light eyes and it was always possible that it could change over time, but right now, it was like looking at the photos of me as a child. His nose was more narrow like April's and ears flatter than both of ours, but he had just been pushed out of a very small hole. He would change fast. I wouldn't get to see it. But sitting here, picturing it, I can see a long life between him and April.

Things would get better for them. The community around here had begun to build up in the past few weeks. It wasn't like what we had before but at least our sons couldn't have to miss and reminiscence about the things that he didn't know. She would be able to take him to the library and read to him, tell him about me. I knew that she would make sure he knew I wanted to be here with them.

"Hi, little guy," I whispered to him. "Hi. I'm your dad. I hope you recognize my voice."

There's no response for him besides gurgling up a little bit of spit up. I wiped it away with a soft smile, holding him against my chest and supporting his head with the back of my head. He really was small. But he was breathing and crying, he seemed as healthy as would be expected.

"I'm probably not going to get to see you grow up, and I'm sorry about that. I've been holding on as long as I can just to make sure that I got to meet you once." This time, the tears no longer burned in my eyes. Instead, they fell freely down my cheeks. "That's all I wanted. Just one time to hold you and make sure that you know that I'm your dad and that I love you more than anything. I know that you won't remember this. But your mom will tell you about it one day. She's going to be a really good mom, I promise. She's kind and sweet and smart, everything that you could want. Even though it's not the best time to be alive right now, you really lucked out with getting the best mom possible."

That was something that I knew to be true at the end of the day, no matter what else happened. Maybe I couldn't predict how the world would or wouldn't be built up, but I knew that April would do absolutely everything that she could for this little boy. She would make sure that he was loved and held onto, that he was looked after and fed. She would give him absolutely everything that she could, everything that was within his power.

"I'm sorry that I couldn't be here for you growing up. That I'm not strong enough to beat this. One day, I think you'll understand that too when you're older. But you might hate me for a while. That's okay too. I know that that's like." I soothed his back in small circles as I continued to speak to him.

Crying in the middle of the night, ridiculously messy diaper changes, teething. The first time he held his head up on his own, the first time that he sat up, those first steps, the first time that he fell and got back up on his own without crying about it. How long would it take him to sleep through the night on his own? What would his first word be? Mama seemed like the most likely answer. Or maybe it would be something random and silly, maybe there would be a good story to go along with it when he was older. I wondered if his hair would be textured like mine had been, curly for days and a relatively tamed afro during my younger years, or if it would be somewhere more in the middle of me and April's. Right now, there's barely more than a few wisps of dark hair on top of his head. That would change quickly. There was so much that I wasn't going to get to see. All of it was hitting me now.

My head turned away from him as more tears streamed down my cheeks and I allowed them to fall. Some got caught up in the messy beard on my face and some of them fell past, onto the blankets wrapped around our son or onto my shirt. There was no point in trying to hold them back. I was a dying man, a dead man walking. There was nothing that could be done about it at this point.

"I'm so sorry." I choked out, holding onto him just a little bit tighter. "I want to be there. I want to so badly."

Inside of the house, I could hear April grunting and groaning in pain as she presumably finished the rest of what was required of her body in delivery. I should have been there for the birth, I should be there for this, holding onto our son and encouraging him. I should have been the one to cut the cord. Each thought of what should have been broke one more piece of my heart and I could feel the fragmented pieces shredding apart what was left inside of me. It wasn't much. I could barely feel anything besides the pain left.

Our son cried out gently against me and I shifted how I was holding him so it was more of a cradle again, rocking him back and forth in arms to try and soothe him. I wished that there was more that I could do. That I could kiss him properly just once. But I couldn't take that risk. I couldn't be that selfish.

It took a few minutes to get him to settle back down again and before I knew it, he was asleep.

At least I had gotten to rock him to sleep once.

"That's my boy," I whispered to him, squeezing my eyes shut to try and keep any further tears from spilling past my lids. It was already going to be obvious once I went back inside that I had been crying, I was almost positive that my eyes were rimmed with red from this. It hadn't taken much to get them discolored lately which was only another sign that things weren't going to go my way. "That's my little buddy," I repeated.

Standing up slowly and ignoring the pain in my body, I made my way back inside, pausing at the entrance of the house. April had fallen asleep on the couch. Warren was sitting there with his hands folded in front of him, his head tilted forward so that his forehead was resting on top of his knuckles. I knew that his loyalties weren't with us. I also knew that he had a gun on him at the moment. What I didn't know was whether or not he would be willing to make a decision like this on his own, or if it was something that he would have to wait for permission or orders for from General Bailey or someone else. Both of us were rather out of the loop on how things ran internally with all of them. Hunt had been the only one who had given us insight, and even that had been limited.

"Is she okay?" I asked Warren, withholding a sigh.

"Yeah, I think so." He nodded. "She's exhausted. She laid down after the uh, placenta thing, and was out a minute later."

"Would you mind taking him up to the nursery? It's the room next to the one that you and Miranda were staying in. I don't want to risk contaminating any of the air up there and I know you won't." It was a leap of faith perhaps, but even if I couldn't trust him just around me, I knew that he wouldn't bring any harm to our baby.

"Sure." He agreed with a nod. Carefully, I handed our son over to him. I watched him ascend the stairs with him.

Moving slowly over to April, I began to pick up some of the dirty towels off of the floor. She'd sleep with one beneath her, there was going to probably be bleeding and whatnot for weeks to follow. I knew that she had prepared a few different things to try and deal with all of it without creating too much waste, even if it was a bit more feasible to not be quite so conservative now that we weren't alone here in Moline. Old habits died hard.

"C'mon, Mama," I whispered to her. Bending over, it took every ounce of strength that I had left in me to pick her up off of the couch. She wasn't heavy, not really, but I didn't have a lot of strength left in my system. Maybe it was a good thing I had stayed in bed all day.

Carrying her slowly all the way up the stairs, I manage to make it to the bedroom and set her down on top of the bed without collapsing. Grabbing a few more towels from the hall closet, I'm careful to position her with them beneath her so she wouldn't bleed through the sheets and the mattress, sliding her into a pair of panties with a thick pad on it. I don't mind taking care of her like this, not at all. She had done so much for me in the past few days when she shouldn't have had to. I should have been doing this the entire time.

"Jackson?" Her voice was hoarse as she spoke. I hadn't realized she was awake.

"Hi, baby," I murmured gently. I took off the mask so she could see the smile I had to offer.

"Where's the baby?" April questioned.

"In the nursery. I got him to fall asleep but I'm sure when he wakes up, he's going to be hungry." One more thing that I wouldn't be able to participate in. We had a few bottles here and there, but making sure that he was going to be able to breastfeed right off the bat was important. Formula was incredibly limited. The more natural that we could manage things, the better.

She made a content noise. "Good." Her hand reached for mine and I squeezed hers. "He's beautiful, isn't he? He looks just like you, Jackson. He's exactly what I pictured and more."

"He is really beautiful," I agreed with a nod of my head. "But he gets that from you. Not me."

"Shh." As the hushing noise escaped from her, I leaned forward and placed a short kiss on the tip of her nose, dropping my head forward and resting our foreheads together to have just a single intimate moment together. I didn't know which was going to be our last. It was hard to live like that.

"I mean it, April. He's beautiful just like you are. He's going to be strong and warm and kind just like you. You're going to do such an amazing job raising him. Someone like you was just… meant to be a mother. You have all of the strength and the softness that a mother is meant to have." Words of praise flowed from my lips easily. "You're so strong. You can do this on your own. I know you can. I know it's not fair that you have to, but you and I both know that I'm not going to make it, baby. I can't be around him and I'm going to die anyway. You know what we talked about if things came to this point. What I want you to do." Those words weren't quite as easy to get out, especially now that the baby was actually here.

"I can't do it," April choked out with a shake of her head. "I'm not strong enough."

"Yes, you are." I disagreed. "You are. You're the strongest woman that I know. You are so strong."

For a moment, neither of us said a word about what we knew she had to do. I couldn't do it to myself, not after seeing him. I just couldn't. I knew that it wasn't fair to ask it of her, but I also knew what would happen if someone else did it. It would have ruined them, it would have ruined this place for her. She wouldn't have been able to stay here with whoever was the person to put a bullet inside of my brain. I wanted her to find happiness here again, even if it was without me. She deserved to be able to have that much.

Smoothing her hair back behind her ear, I held onto her face for a moment before kissing her hard. This was going to be the last one. This was the one that was going to matter, the last one that she could be able to cling to the inside of her memory. On more before things got too bad. I try to keep it chaste as much as I can, not wanting to spread too many germs even in the last embrace that we could have, but there's only so much self-control that either of us has in a situation like this. We wanted more. We wanted everything that we could have in a moment like this. But life was cruel. This was proof of that.

"I love you so much, April. And our son is so beautiful." April knew those things already, but she deserved to be able to hear them as many times as she could in the time that we had left together.

"I love you too." Her words were another sob as she forced them out. "I love you so much."

There's a knock on the shut bedroom door and I let out a sigh, unable to help myself. Of course, it was Warren – needing to say or do something, whatever it was, I wasn't sure and at the moment I didn't care. I wanted a moment longer with her, one more memory for her to be able to clutch onto for the rest of her life. I wasn't ready to let go even if life had other plans for me.

"What?" I barked out.

The door opened and his head appeared. "I think that we need to all talk." He said.

"Give us just a minute, please," April asked through teary eyes. He looked at her for a long moment before he gave a defeated nod of his head and moved back out of the room again, pulling the door shut behind him.

Her hand gripped onto mine desperately. "We have to name him." She reminded me.

"Of course," I agreed with a soft smile, sitting down on the edge of the bed. "He needs a good name."

"Do you still like Noah?" She questioned, sniffling and wiping away some of her fallen tears with the hand that wasn't tight between mine. "I do. A righteous representative of humanity worthy to be saved from God's judgment. That's what he was in the bible." The emotion was still heavy in her voice, causing it to crack.

"Do you know what it means separate from that?" I questioned.

"Comfort. Long-lived." I nodded my head at her answer, sucking in a deep breath through my nose. That would be good. She would need comfort, a strong boy who would be able to be there for her.

"Then his name is Noah. Noah Avery." April looked pleased with the declaration.

A clap of thunder drew both of us out of the small daze that finalizing the name of our son brought upon us. I hadn't realized that it had begun to storm outside. I hadn't seen it coming, but it wasn't like either of us had been outside during the day, and when I'd stepped out, my focus had been entirely on April and Noah. At the moment, it seemed fitting, to have a reckoning a storm to roll through. Soon, it would wake up our son, I imagined.

"Let's go downstairs and finish this, okay?" She knew exactly what I was talking about.

With her hand tight in mine, I helped her back out of bed again. She should have been resting. Hopefully, once word was out that the baby was born, there would be a line of people out the door willing to help her take care of it and make sure that she was taken care of, too. I knew that Owen had already promised to help, that Callie and Arizona had both been thrilled with the prospect of having a baby around. Mark and Lexie would help too, of course. I knew that Mark would step in for the things that I couldn't be there for. He was a good man. Noah would have good role models in his life, even if I wasn't going to be one of them. There was some comfort in that thought.

Ben was standing in the living room with his arms folded and watched both of us come down the stairs. Once we had reached the bottom one, I let go of her hair and allowed her to walk independently from me. The gun on his hip seemed to be much more visible now than it had been before. At least it would be a quick and painless death this way. No more waiting around in pain.

"There's been a change in plans," Warren announced firmly. "Why don't you both sit down?" He suggested.

I knew that he was trying to be kind and gentle about it, but I didn't see the point in doing so. April needed her rest and the sooner that this was over with, the sooner that she would be able to get it. Or try to get it. It would be hard, raising a baby on her own. But I knew that she was capable of it, that she had the strength and endurance to do so even if she wasn't giving herself and her abilities enough credit. She would do a great job. She would raise a strong son and teach him how to be good and kind, just like she was. Maybe I didn't have faith in much, but I did have it in her before anyone or anything else.

"There's nothing to talk about," I said with a shake of my head. I had come to terms with what had happened. April… she probably hadn't quite reached the same peace with it, but she knew that it was what was best for our son. Noah was the priority now, not me or her.

"I don't want to talk about it," April added quickly with a shake of her head, collapsing down onto the couch for a moment.

I moved behind her, placing my hands on my shoulder and leaning forward to kiss the crown of her head. "I love you," I whispered into her hair. "Be strong." She didn't need the reminder of that. She already was.

"No, actually, this is something that we do need to talk about. I didn't get the full story on it because I came out when I saw the flare, but Bailey's been talking back with the people in Kansas. The supplies and people that are coming, they're coming sooner than what we originally planned." He began to explain despite both of our refusals to continue on the subject.

Of course, that only confirmed one or two things that I had been suspicious of. Before the new people to here, they wanted any threats possible to be eliminated.

At the moment, that meant me.

There would be some cleaning up to do around town from the places that I had been and might have contaminated, but I was sure that was something that had already happened while I had been sick in bed for the past few days. It would have to happen to this house, too, once I was gone and disposed of, for the sake of the baby. I knew that was something that April would go along with. Even if she wasn't happy about what was necessary, she would do it.

"I can't– I can't do this, okay? Just give me your gun." Her hands shook visibly as she reached out, standing up quickly. I stepped to the side to maintain a better view of what was going on. Warren stepped back from her quickly, his hands raised up.

"Hey, hey, there's no need for any of that." Her words had clearly been interpreted as a threat.

"Give me your gun, Warren," April demanded. She likely wouldn't have the nerve for long.

"April–" Before more arguments could be made about it, she lunged for the weapon on his hip. He looked stunned by the fact that she had gotten so physical with him, and that surprise was probably the only thing that allowed for her to get it out of the holster on his hip in the first place. I took a deep breath. It was time.

Moving to the front door of the house, I stepped outside and descended down the steps of the porch. Raindrops pelted against my skin as I exposed myself to it and I tilted my head back for a moment, letting it hit my face and wash away any of the grime and salt on it. This was it. Falling onto my knees deep in the mud on the ground, I don't care about the mess. There wasn't any point in it. I was sure that she wouldn't be the one to actually take care of my body. Someone else would do it for her.

"Jackson." April's voice broke as she walked around in front of me. "Jackson, I love you so much." She cried.

"I love you too, baby. I love you too." I affirmed with a nod of my head, forcing a smile across my lips. "And I'm okay with this. I promise that I'm okay with this. I want the best life possible for you and for Noah, and I know that this is a part of that."

"Wait!" Warren yelled as I heard the gun clicked.

"I love you," April whispered one more time.

I looked at the love of my life one more time, taking in every detail of her freckled face, even with wet hair sticking to her features. Then I took a deep breath and shut my eyes, waiting. I wasn't sure if I would hear it or if things would just be gone suddenly. Death was something that I had thought about a lot, but I didn't have expectations for what was to come after it.

But instead of a loud bang of a gun, it doesn't come. Instead, there's suddenly lights shining in through my eyelids and the sound of gravel crunching underneath the wheels of a truck. I opened my eyes again. April had the gun just inches from my face but I turned my head away from her to see what was going on. One of the army vehicles had approached and it's lights were shining right on the both of us, making it difficult to see. I squinted, trying to figure out what was going on, if this was about me or the baby. Was this what Warren had been talking about?

"April, don't pull the trigger!" Warren repeated as he came closer to the both of us, keeping the mask on his face tight over his mask as the rain began to hit him too.

"April, Jackson, stop what you're doing." Bailey's voice was heard over the sound of the rain pouring.

The passenger door to the vehicle opened up and another woman stepped out of it. I squinted for a moment before realizing how familiar the figure and the curly hair was.

"Mom?" I questioned quietly, voice lost in the rain.

"Jackson!" My mother's voice cried out for me. Lost in the moment, I found myself suddenly rising to my feet.

"What's going on?" April questioned loudly.

"Stop what you're doing." There was a bag in my mom's hand and I squinted to try and get a better idea of what was going on. "You better drop that gun right now, little miss. No one is dying tonight or any time soon. We've got isoniazid, rifampin, and ethambutol. Owen and Mark put the pieces together when we talked to him and we brought the medicine from the base. It's why we had them all come up earlier." Bailey explained in a loud and firm voice, and my mom shook the bag of medicine as if to demonstrate her words.

I stared at the both of them for a long moment. I had accepted death. Despite the fact that it meant I wasn't going to spend the remainder of my life with the woman that I loved and the son that she had birthed, I had come to accept it because I knew that it was what was best for the both of them. Yet now, here they were both were, telling me different.

Here Mom was, telling me differently after I assumed that she was dead for all of this time.

"Mom, are you serious?" I questioned, looking at her desperately.

"Yes I am, sweetheart. I'm here to save you."


	16. Chapter 16

**_APRIL_**

My body felt like it was on fire and yet, at the same time, like it was a looming landslide about to fall apart. There was an ice pack inside of my pants that offered some kind of minimal relief. Hell and back didn't seem like anything accurate enough to capture the agony that we had both been through in the past few hours.

Now, the middle of the night, it seemed like there was no pending relief to come for the confusion that racked inside of my brain. Bailey had been a figure to avoid since she had found out that Jackson was sick – neither one of us could risk having her around because we knew that she was going to put the good of the group above the two of us, and for the past week or so, he hadn't been good to be around everyone. He was contagious. I knew that I already had the particles for TB inside of me, that had occurred back when we had found and he had dealt with Ellie. Bailey would have dealt with it the same way that he had. I couldn't lose him.

Yet right as I had come to terms with the fact that the best thing for our child's life was to not have a sick father threatening him, the entire situation had been turned around, world yanked out from underneath my feet again. I stared at the other woman who was with Bailey. Jackson had called her _Mom_. Was that really his Mother? She had responded positively to it but I knew that the fever had been causing him some trouble with hallucinations. I'd thought that it was broken, but maybe it wasn't.

Could this really be happening?

Finding Jackson had been a miracle. An accident and a miracle. When I had pointed that gun at him upon finding him encroaching on my neck of the woods, there had been no indicator of everything to come between the two of us. Then, I would have been willing to pull the trigger if he was a threat to me or my livelihood. There's a gun in my hand again now and I had forced myself to find the willingness, to do what would have been the most difficult thing in my life because it was what he wanted and it was what was best for our son. Our beautiful baby boy was the priority above all else and he couldn't afford the exposure, especially given that we weren't going to be able to vaccinate him in the way that we would have wanted to. The heaviness had settled inside of my heart with what I had to do… but now, there was something else. Another option. Another miracle.

Tears stung the corners of my eyes and the gun clattered against the ground as I finally dropped it though tension remained in my hands, taking a staggering step toward Jackson. Now I was the one on the verge of collapsing. Locking my knees was the only thing keeping me upright.

This was possible. All of it was possible. I didn't have to give up on everything that I had ever pictured with him. I could pull the thoughts back inside of my head instead of throwing them away like I had forced myself to in the past few hours. I could see me and him raising our son together, teaching him together, making sure that he was smart and knew all the things that he would have – both to survive in this world, and all of the academic things that we had learned before. It would be both of us. I wasn't going to be alone with our little boy. We were going to be a family, a real family. We could do it.

"What's going on?" I repeated my previous question, trying to wrap my head around everything. "Tell me."

"April, this is my mom, Catherine," Jackson answered. I stared at the woman, searching for similarities. Though she was short in stature, there were similarities there. My mouth was dry and I opened it to try and say something. Instead, my knees go out.

"Is she sick too?" His mom questioned as he caught my arm, hauling me upright.

"No. She just gave birth to our son," Jackson explained.

"I have a grandbaby?" There was a sudden light to her voice at his answer. Even if there had been no semblance between the two of them, that surprise and kindness in her voice was confirmation of what he had said.

I nodded weakly. "I'm fine." I breathed out. "I'm just… stunned."

Caution slowed any celebratory nature as I licked my chapped lips. His mother stepped closer to the two of us as she pulled a surgical mask over her face. Jackson still had his one from holding our son, but I doubted that she wanted to expose herself. It was more diplomatic than what Bailey had given us. How had she known that we were here? Did the people that were still in Kansas know about all who was here? The selfish inquiry winded through my head – was my family there? Or was this confirmation that they weren't?

"Come here, baby, we need to get a proper quarantine set up and get you away from my grandbaby. I want to meet him, but first, I don't want you getting him sick." Catherine spoke, ushering him closer. "We'll start you on the isoniazid and rifampin first. April, we'll need to get you on isoniazid to make sure that you don't get an active infection. It should be safe for breastfeeding." She was pragmatic, certainly.

"After two weeks of treatment, you shouldn't be infectious." I looked up at Jackson as I spoke.

"Two weeks and I can be around you and Noah," his hand cupped my face gently.

Two weeks. That was a clear end goal, but this time, for something better.

"Keep him here." I squeezed my eyes shut to keep back the tears that were burning in my eyes before turning to face Catherine and Bailey, though I didn't let go of him. "Please. Just set up a quarantine or something in the barn. It's empty. We can bring a bed out from the guest room or the sofa or something, just let him stay here."

"Oh, honey, I know that you want to keep him here but–"

"We'll make it work." Jackson interrupted his mother and placed his hand on my shoulder, giving it a small squeeze. I looked up at him with a grateful smile. "We can move just one of the mattresses out to the barn. No reason to do the whole bed frame. It'll be enough."

"Well, then I suppose the decision has already been made." Catherine looked at both of us and back at Bailey, then Warren. "You, why don't you head upstairs and get that mattress so we can begin to set things up? No need to dilly-dally."

Warren nodded his head and walked past us and inside of the house. I let go of the breath that I was holding onto and smiled to myself for just a minute. Just as soon as things seemed to be falling apart completely, maybe they were starting to make their way back together. This didn't have to be the end of the world and the end of life as I knew it. Babies were new beginnings. This was our new beginning. Maybe with a little hindsight, I could start to make light of this situation. But even without that, there was still beauty peering out of the darkness.

"Thank you," I said to Catherine. "I… I need to sit."

Catherine, Bailey, and Warren begin to get things set up in the barn as I sat down on the porch, sitting at the edge of the steps and leaning into the railing so that I'm out of their way. It was becoming increasingly difficult to stay awake given how exhausted I was. But I wanted to make sure that everything was going to be okay while I still had the chance and our baby was asleep.

Shutting my eyes for just a brief moment to try and keep control of my body completely, I let myself clear my head out, trying to get away from all of the heaviness that had been dragging me down. I can't completely rid myself of the small, uncomfortable quavering even as I press my hands down on top of my thighs, trying to think logically. Tenderness was a part of what defined me. It was a part of what made all of this so hard to push through. Forcing my eyes open again, wider than what was natural and querulously trying to wake myself up. A little bit longer and maybe it would all be okay.

"Well, it's not perfect, but it'll work," Warren announced as he came back over to Jackson and me.

"Thank you," Jackson said as he stood up slowly.

"We'll get you started on the medication tonight and keep it up for at least the next six months," Catherine said. I nodded my head. That was a fairly standard procedure for someone who had advice tuberculosis. Six months would be the minimum for killing off the bacteria even if the symptoms disappeared sooner.

"You'll be okay," I said to Jackson with a small smile. "It's all going to be okay now."

This time saying it, I could actually believe it, just a little bit. There were still tears in my eyes but it was a lot easier to blink them back this time instead of allowing them to fall forward. My hand came up and I brushed away the tears with the back of my knuckles, taking a deep breath. The next two weeks would be hard, of course, taking care of our baby without him. But that was fourteen days. Fourteen would become thirteen, twelve, eleven… then it would be nothing.

"I love you," he murmured, cupping my face. "I love you so much. This will be nothing, I promise. I'll be back with you and Noah in no time. You can still visit, even if he can't."

"I love you too, baby." I stood up, kissing his cheek over the surgical mask. "So much."

"I know."

Standing against the porch railing and letting it support most of my weight, I watched his mom take him back to the barn. It wasn't a far walk from the house, easily within shouting distance. Tears finally slipped out when he was out of sight and once he was, I headed back inside.

Barely tangible relief finally came to me when I collapsed onto my bed, even if I normally hated being in it alone. Not even enough movement was taken to actually get beneath the covering, just stretching out my limbs for a moment and laying out like a fat. Jackson was going to be okay. I would never have to pick up that gun again. I wouldn't even have to look at it again. I could start the antibiotics in the morning. Two weeks from now, we could go back to the way things were meant to be between us. Our house and our land, our baby boy.

Just as soon as I was ready to fall asleep though, there's a crying that lets me know I'm not going to have the chance. Pushing myself up and out of bed quickly, I move down the hallway to the nursery and pick up Noah from his crib. He felt so tiny in my arms. Five, maybe six pounds. But he must have been hungry. I settled down into the rocking chair that we had put in there, propping up my feet on the ottoman.

"Hi, baby. Hi." I whispered as I cradled him, quickly unbuttoning my shirt. "Momma loves you. And Daddy's going to be back with us soon. Very soon, I promise." I continued.

Noah doesn't immediately go to my nipple like I wanted him to, not seeming to find it. Cupping my breast and guiding his tiny little mouth toward it, it takes a few attempts before he actually latched onto the nipple. Three more attempts are taken to actually get him onto it for more than a second or two, but he finally settled down. I stare down with both a bit of confusion and amazement. I'd seen this done before but I had never actually been the one to do it. It feels weird. It's not painful, though, which I knew was a good sign. Just different than anything that I had ever done before.

Of course, all of this was.

It was the first time that we no longer had something to worry about. Not really. We had food and water, running electricity, we had each other and a healthy son now. Finally, we had medication. The one thing that I had come to think would never come, no matter what the circumstances were, and yet the one thing that fixed everything. Tears welled in my eyes again, yet this time as they come, I don't hold them back. Gratitude washed over me as I held and nursed our son.

"Oh, baby boy…" I breathed out as I cradled his head. "I love you so much, Noah. You're my little angel. My miracle. You've given both of us a brand new start." Credit was given to him without any hesitation.

He seemed completely oblivious to everything that I was saying, but that was okay. He doesn't feed for long. I know at the beginning it's supposed to be like that, little bits but frequently, and I button back up my shirt with one hand before cradling him higher against my chest. His eyes were all Jackson, an oceanic mixture of blue and green that brought pure joy to fill my heart. There's not the hair I expected, but that was okay.

"Such a sweet boy," I murmured. "You're so loved, Noah. So loved. Mommy and Daddy would do anything for you. We almost did."

Something I would never be able to forget.

Eventually, Noah did fall asleep in my arms. I fell asleep holding him in that chair despite it being uncomfortable on my neck, cradled close to my chest. I didn't want to put him down, even for a minute. Part of it was just to make sure that he was as healthy as he seemed to be and that we hadn't pushed our luck too far with the situation already. But I'd come so close to losing Jackson, I couldn't take any risks.

I was ready for two impossibly hard weeks. I had been born in a time where women at least for a night or two at the very beginning at a hospital with nurses and the like to take care of the baby, making sure that the mothers got enough sleep to be able to go home. That was a privilege, of course. The first night still isn't as hard as I expect it to be, mostly because I sit in the chair with him through the waking up and falling asleep, only getting up when he lets out a goopy green diaper that I would never be able to forget. Sleep deprived, I was itching to go outside and laugh about it with Jackson. If it hadn't felt like everything below my hips had been hit and then backed over again with a drunk, I might have actually been just delirious enough to do it.

The community, it turned out, was more than willing to help out. I had come under the impression of possible alienation after twisting Bailey's arm into keeping Jackson around – but Owen and Mark had found the solution and then there was a line of people out the door, more than happy to help.

No one talked about how Jackson was doing. Whether it was out of fear that maybe the treatments weren't going to work or perhaps because they hadn't agreed with what we had done in the first place. But everyone seemed to love babies, the absolute joy and wonder that having Noah brought was infectious. He was an adorable baby, big eyes. He was too young to really be smiling but it seemed like he always was anyway. People loved to hold him and coo over him. Nothing made me happier than him and watching everyone adore him.

"Oh, I'm just so jealous. I can't stand it." Callie cooed, booming his nose lightly. "I want one."

"If I didn't feel like I had gotten ripped in half, I would want a dozen more," I laughed, wrapping myself up in my blanket. She had been watching him while I took a nap. "Do you think about it? You and Arizona, having kids?"

"Well, it's not as easy as it would have been two years ago." She chuckled. "I don't know. I mean, I'm bisexual. I could do it the old fashioned way with a willing donor if Arizona was on board," she shrugged one shoulder lightly, making an exaggerated expression at Noah. "Think you could donate those baby blues?"

I laughed. "Can't. I have to have the cutest baby here."

"Fair enough," she chuckled. "He's really cute. Well-behaved, too. I haven't spent a lot of time around babies but he's one of the good ones, I can tell."

"Yeah, he is," I smiled. "He gets that from his Daddy. Mom always told me I was a nonstop crier."

"How is he doing?" Owen piped up. I'd nearly forgotten he was here. He had stayed the night with me.

"Do you guys mind watching him while I go and see?" I asked. When both said it was fine, I got up.

For a week, Jackson had been in the makeshift quarantine in the barn. Catherine had been in there with him almost the entire time, coming into the house for what they needed here and there, as had Warren and Mark. I had gone when I could for short visits. The fever had broken permanently so far, I knew that much was true. It was a relief given how much other trouble that it had given him with the night sweats. Catherine said that he had been sleeping better since day four of the meds. That was a huge improvement to help with the other symptoms that he had been dealing with. His appetite hadn't quite picked up as of yesterday, but there was always room for change.

It was quiet inside of the barn and I pulled open the heavy door, letting more light into it. I could see Jackson sitting on the mattress with a blanket covering his legs, Catherine seated at the chair and table that we had brought in there the next day for her. Both of them turned to look at me and I watched Jackson light up with a bright, energetic smile. I hadn't seen one on his face like that in a while.

"Hey," I breathed out and returned the smile. "Owen and Callie are watching the baby right now. I just wanted to check in and see how you were feeling today. It's been a week now."

"Yes, it has." Catherine nodded as she stood up, walking over toward him. "He's doing much better."

"I am," he confirmed with a nod of his head. "Starting to sleep better which is helping a lot. Still coughing a bit, but… we've still got another week or so to go before it's really supposed to be there, so." A shrug finished his sentence. He coughed a moment later, unintentionally proving his point.

"That's great!" I exclaimed. "That's great. A few more days and you'll be back in the house with me and Noah." I walked closer to the both of them, sitting down on the mattress and grabbing his hands.

Jackson smiled again. "Just one more week and we'll be a family again."

"All of us will," Catherine chimed in. "I'm sure you want your own space of course, and I'm happy to give you that. But that baby boy of yours… oh, he looks just like you when you were a baby, Jackson. I wish I could show you his baby pictures, April. Such a beautiful baby boy."

"He really is," I agreed with a smile. "He can't wait to be with his Daddy, either. We miss you."

"I miss you guys too." He grimaced slightly with the words. "I really do. Just a few more days."

Even though we can try and minimize the impact by saying it was only a few more days, the week that passes next still felt like an impossible mountain to try and overcome. Time passed in weird lulls given that I'm certainly not sleeping anywhere near eight hours a night, or even in one sitting, barely able to get more than two in. Feeding and diaper changes and everything in between. People do their best to help with things that weren't breastfeeding, which was wonderful given it did give me a better chance for those two-hour intervals of sleep, but it still seemed to drag.

Keeping track of time is easier perhaps only because of how painfully cognizant I am of every moment. My breasts were sore and all of the adrenaline and other hormones that had come up when I had given birth had begun to fade, and the lack of real sleep was coming along. Noah's umbilical cord stump fell off, and I take it out to Jackson the next time I see it. He was in awe over it. The blues come the second I'm back inside of the house. I know logically that a little bit was normal after giving birth and surely was excused given the circumstances, but that doesn't make it easier to cope with. Running out of cold, witch-hazel-soaked sanitary pads is perhaps the worst thing that could happen to me. But overall, things were getting better. That was something to cling to. The time without Jackson here in the house was getting shorter and shorter.

But the two week period does pass. We both know that we have to be extra careful because Noah was just a newborn with a still-developing immune system. We didn't want to shelter him completely, but we didn't want to go over the top. This was something that we had talked about while I was pregnant. Some exposure was good to help strengthen it. That was the sweet spot that we wanted to be able to find.

"That's right, baby boy, just like that," I soothed Noah's back as I rocked him. He was already swaddled but I was trying to get him to sleep in the bassinet instead of someone's arms. "Go to sleep, my prince."

Noah doesn't go down nearly as quickly as I would like him to after feeding. I always try to get him to sleep quickly after a feeding in the hopes that I would be able to get as much time between feedings as possible. My breasts and nipples were both getting sore from all of it, but it was worth it… and, well, we didn't have another option. Not really. I was lucky that I was able to produce enough milk in the first place. It could have been a disaster otherwise. It takes a few minutes longer than I would have liked, but he doesn't wake when I put him down.

But once he's down, I'm ready. Warren had moved the mattress back into the guest bedroom earlier today. Given that we couldn't exactly clean the mattress itself, Jackson and I had decided that we would sleep on that one and put the one in the master bedroom into the guest room. Catherine would stay with us for a few more nights while we figured everything else out.

That was more long-term than anything that I had been focused on in the past two weeks. Before I had met Jackson, my life was living day to day and nothing more than that. Survival was a day to day battle all too often and that had been all that I had the time to focus on that. Then I'd been able to build up the community with Jackson and focus on that, and then, of course, the baby. That nine-month period had all focused on the baby and how life would change. Then it'd been just two weeks. Somehow, that had felt longer than the nine months. Maybe that was the lack of sleep speaking up. But now, there was no deadline. No threat looming. We had our family and we had a community supporting us. This is what I had wanted for my entire life, even before the end of the world came. Yet I had it here again.

Maybe my entire life wasn't exactly what I had planned. I wasn't a surgeon anymore but I was still helping people, even if it was in different ways. I was a mom and I was a wife, even if the latter didn't have any legal documentation. That didn't matter anymore. I had what I wanted. I knew that. God knew that. That was what was important.

"Knock, knock," a voice called out.

"Jackson!" I called out, keeping my voice quiet for the baby, nearly knocking him over with a hug.

"Hi, April." He replied.

Arms wrapped around me and even if they aren't quite as strong as they had been before after all of the sickness that he had been through, there was absolute comfort in the embrace there. My arms tightened around his waist and I leaned into him, letting myself absorb into him in every way possible. His hand stroked my hair and I shut my eyes, smiling. He was home. Except I was the one who really felt like I was finally home again.

"I missed you so much." I murmured even though my words pretty much get drowned out in his chest. I nuzzled my nose against him for a moment, enjoying the warmth that came with him.

"I missed you too," Jackson returned the sentiment. I could feel his chin resting on top of my head and I shut my eyes as I let myself absorb every ounce of the moment before it could be distracted by a crying baby, his mother, or anything else in our life.

"I'm so happy to have you back." I gave him one last squeeze before pulling back. "You look good."

"I feel a lot better. Better than I have in weeks," he confirmed with a nod, keeping his hands on me.

Tears burn in my eyes and I shake my head. "I–I am so mad at you." Before he has a chance to question it or I have a chance to explain myself, we were interrupted by his mother following him in the room. I wet my lips, offering a polite smile. I was grateful for her too. She was the reason that I still had Jackson here with me, that I didn't have to do the impossible.

"How's Noah doing?" Catherine asked with a smile.

"He's great. I just fed him and managed to get him down, but uh, I think that we can sneak Daddy in for a visit." I answered

"Daddy would like that." Jackson beamed.

Quietly moving into the nursery, I watched with awe as Jackson peered over the crib at our sleeping son. It was the first time that he had a moment like this. I knew when he had held him that first time out on the porch, he thought it would be the only chance to have him. But seeing him have this opportunity, it was a magical moment. There was an absolute joy in his eyes as he peered down at him, reaching down and very gently touching his stomach. Noah didn't wake at the contact.

"He likes you." I murmured quietly.

"Is it okay if I pick him up?" He asked. He must have been worried about waking him. I nodded quickly.

Very carefully, Jackson leaned down and picked up our little boy, both muscular arms curling around him carefully and holding him against his chest. I smiled as I watched the simple and sweet interaction. His hand looked massive as he cradled Noah's head for support. He very easily could have held him one arm, yet was being particularly secure as he held onto the little boy. He leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on his tiny forehead and I watched as Noah stirred, identical eyes looking up at his father curiously.

A few moments pass before Noah let out a cry. Both our brows furrowed at the same time as he began to bounce him gently, cooing and trying to get him to calm back down again. Neither one of us could smell a dirty diaper and I had burped him before putting him down. It was too soon for him to be hungry again. He was just being fussy for… well, the sake of nothing. That was the most frustrating kind of cry.

"Maybe you should take him," Jackson suggested, looking at me with a frown.

"Yeah, okay." I stepped forward, taking him into my arms.

With some rocking and soft humming, I managed to get Noah to quiet down to just a few wet bubbles spilling past his lips. He didn't go back to sleep immediately, instead curiously looking between me and his father. It must have been weird, to hear his voice while he was inside the womb and then nothing after the actual birth.

"There we go, little prince," I murmured softly. "Nice and quiet. Such a good boy for me and Daddy."

"Mostly just for Mommy," he responded with a sheepish smile.

"He's just being fussy." I disregarded with a shake of my head. "He's fussy all the time."

"He doesn't know me." Jackson disagreed again. "I'm his father and he doesn't know that anymore because I've been in the barn quarantine the entire time." He shook his head. "God, he doesn't even know me." It was clear that this was an absolute nightmare for him. My brows furrowed as I looked up at him, shifting Noah carefully and securely into one arm before placing my hand on his arm and squeezing it gently.

"He'll get to know you, baby, I promise he will. You're going to be around all the time now and he's going to know you and love you so, so much. Just like I do. I promise. C'mere, give me a kiss." He leaned down and I lifted my chin, catching his bottom lip between mine. We stayed there for just a minute.

Jackson finally pulled away with a sigh. "You're probably right, it's just… I don't know. All of the time I spent talking to him and rubbing your belly and everything, I thought that he was going to know me. It's hard."

"Everything about this is hard," I chuckled. "But it'll get easier. It's going to get so much easier, I promise. Have faith."

"I do. In you, and in our family." He replied, softening up slightly.

"Why don't you try putting him down again, huh? That's the hard part." I suggested.

Staring at me skeptically for a moment, Jackson let go of the breath that he was holding onto before he nodded his head in agreement. He cradled his arms together before taking Noah from me. Our little one made a single soft cry of disagreement but no more as Jackson held him against his chest for just a minute, breathing in that sweet baby smell. Then he finally leaned down and placed him in the bassinet gently, making sure that the blanket around him was swaddled comfortably, secure enough but not too tight. Noah stared up at both of us again but didn't cry or put up more resistance this time.

"See? You know what you're doing." My arm hooked around his and I leaned into him for just a moment, head resting on his shoulder as we both peered down at our beautiful baby boy.

"Maybe you're just wrong about what the easy part is." Jackson teased, kissing the top of my head.

"I'm never wrong." I chuckled softly, throwing lighthearted words right back at him.

With his arm wrapped snuggly around my shoulder, the two of us both stood there and watched as Noah fell asleep again. I probably only had another hour, or two at the absolute maximum, before he would wake up and need his diaper changed or want another round of feeding. But at least I would be able to spend that sixty or ninety minutes with Jackson again, not on my own or making conversation with Owen or Callie. That made it more than worth it.

When his eyes finally fall shut and his breathing evened out completely to indicate that he really was asleep, we were careful to slip out of the nursery. The door to the room had to remain open to help sound travel given that we didn't have any baby monitors, but he had certainly developed a pair of lungs.

"So, are you going to tell me why you're mad at me?" Jackson asked as we collapsed onto the bed together.

"Because I almost lost you," I answered simply, chewing at my lower lip as I looked at him.

"You know that I would have done anything to…" he started, but I interrupted him.

"No. No, Jackson. You asked me to do something that was impossible. Something that you wouldn't have been willing to do yourself. And I am so, so glad that everything managed to work out despite that – that your mother arrived when she did and not the next day because… I don't know what I would have done otherwise. I'm grateful. But I still just have that little seed of anger." I explained, wetting my lips.

Jackson stared at me for a long moment as he processed my words. "I'm so sorry, April. It's not fair that this happened to us. That it happened to you. I'm not as strong as you are. I've always known that even if you haven't. You're the strongest woman that I know. You really are."

"No, I'm not." He swiped away a tear that fell from my eyelids as I spoke. "Not strong enough for that."

"It's never going to happen again, baby, I promise." His hand wrapped around my forearm, bringing his wrist to his lips and placing a kiss on it. "I promise. Nothing is ever going to bring us apart again. Me, you, and Noah against everything else in the world. And however many other babies we have after that. Because seeing that little boy? Man. Oh, man. We've got have another. We can't just have one. He's amazing, even if he doesn't know me just yet. I guess I don't really know much about him either as of now, but I know that he's amazing. Because you are and you've been taking care of him."

Somehow, Jackson knew just the right words to say to take that ache in my heart and coddle it. I smiled at him for a moment before shutting my eyes and curling up against his chest in a little ball, letting his arms wrap around me. He pulled me in closer to his chest and I stayed there quietly for a minute, playing his words through my head one more time. He really was my soulmate. He knew exactly what to do for me.

"A girl," I replied, rubbing his chest gently. "I want to have a girl next. I know we can't control the gender but I don't care. That's what I want."

"We'll have all the damn girls you want."


	17. Chapter 17

**_JACKSON_**

The barn was musky and hard to sleep in at night.

In a way, it reminded me of where I had been after this had started but before I had found myself here with April. A rooftop that mostly covered everything but wasn't quite complete, little holes of moonlight slipping through the rafters above me. There was a draft inside of it but with it being spring, the temperate overall wasn't that bad even if it's cool at night. It'd been good for the fever and night sweats but now that portion of the illness was over, so it was a bit chilly. But making it for April, for our baby boy Noah, that was something that I could easily manage. The visits that she had been paying helped, as did being able to pass time with my mom.

Expecting to see her again was something that I had given up on many months ago over a year ago because holding onto that kind of hope had seemed dangerous at the time. That, too, had been before meeting April. Maybe if I'd met her and still had some kind of thread of hope, then I would have kept holding onto it for a little longer. But seeing her again… it was insane that she ended up being the one here. I knew that our family had always had money and power in the medical world, and in hindsight, it made some sense that she would be able to get into the army base off of that alone. She might have been a little older, but she was still just as sharp and smart as she had always been, a commanding force even if she didn't have some kind of military bank to boost her authority. She didn't need it. She had more than enough on her own.

Getting through each day is a lot easier because of that. All of the medications began to work and it was hard to wait it out, the few days where I felt mostly fine but knew that I was still contagious. Knowing that it was the only thing that was keeping my son safe and healthy was enough to tame that urge.

A new start. That's what this was. Laying on my back for what would be the last night in this barn, I could feel it now. This was the last time that I would sleep without her – maybe that's why it felt so similar to all of the sketchy places that I had stayed in the nights on my own, forcing through each day to survive. Always wondering if I would be able to find food or water, a secure place to sleep, that was over. Instead of that, I had new things to worry about, something much more meaningful than just survival. This was about truly living again, about sustaining life for a new generation, about building a world better than the one that we had been born into. Maybe there was no way to stop what had happened. The damage had been done. Illnesses couldn't be eradicated with what we had now, global warming had already released it. That was a project for the future, for all of the doctors here and for Lexie, a new focus. But no focus would be as immediate as that on April and Noah.

Our family finally had a real chance.

I had a real family. I was going to get to be a father. I didn't have to worry about being a deadbeat like my own had been or abandoning them. I had already come through perhaps more than what I should have. I was going to do everything that I could. And now, Noah's little family had grown. Instead of just being him and his mother, he would have both parents, a grandmother. It was almost normal. Probably the closest anyone here could have found.

"How did you meet her, hm?" Mom's voice didn't wake me. I had already been awake and I was sure that she knew it, laying on my back with my hands folded, staring at the ceiling. "You've told me so much about her but not that."

"She pointed a gun at me," I answered with a chuckle. "I intruded on her territory and she did not like that."

How different things had been back then and how I never wanted to go back to those ways. Not for me or for her, but for anyone else. I'd never seen myself as a big picture kind of guy. For the most part, even though I was saving lives and being a good man, it had always been small picture stuff. One patient at a time. One difference at a time. That wasn't the case anymore.

Things were never going back to that. I already knew that. Everything was better now, perhaps better than it had ever been. My life before had been easy. I'd had money, a nice apartment and an even nicer car, a good job that I found to be satisfying. I loved doing surgery and plastic surgery had more meaning behind it than what most people would have given it credit. But I had been alone. Sure, I had friends and I had my mom, but I'd never had anyone like April. Girlfriends had been nice but not with the same depth and emotion, I'd never been so in love as I was now, not constantly amazed by the woman I was with. I'd never pictured a future with them. Now, when it should have been impossible to predict the future given how unsteady the rest of the world was, I could see one. With her and with our son – hell, with more kids than just Noah. There was an entire planet to repopulate, after all.

That wasn't a focus, though. Not yet, at least. We were still at the roots and right now, that was just going to be the three of us. No longer was it us against the world, though. It was us rebuilding the world, finding humanity again and building up what was left of it. Already, we had a good start. Getting medication from the army only proved that our suspicions of them at the beginning, well, they hadn't been entirely unfounded – what they had done at the beginning was entirely unfounded. But it turned out that they were just trying to survive, too, and they wanted as many good people along for the ride. The same as us.

"I'm ready to see her, Mom. And Noah." There was no way that I was going to be able to wait inside of the barn for an extra minute. I'd had my full two weeks of antibiotics, I was no longer contagious. Even if it was going to exist inside of me for months to come, I wasn't a risk to everyone else. All I had to do was keep taking my medicine. I knew I could do that. April would be doing it too, to keep her from developing the active form. We were in this together.

"Well come on, then. Let's go see them." Her hand ushered me toward the door as she spoke.

With a smile finally bracing my features, I pushed myself up and dusted off the sweatpants that I had on, briskly moving toward the front door of the barn and hauling it open. Most of my strength had been regained. A lot of it had come back once I had started eating regularly again.

Feet move on their own accord and long legs put a bit of unintentional distance between my mother and myself as I made my way to the front of the house, nearly jogging to see her again, to see our son again. The mid-morning sun felt nice on my skin and warmed the chill that had been left by the barn as I breathed in the fresh air. As I walked up the porch steps, the second one creaked as it always did, and I knew I was back. I was home.

"April!" I called out loudly.

Pushing open the front door of the house, red hair hung off the arm of the sofa. Stepping around, I could see that she had fallen asleep curled up on the couch. Maybe she had been waiting for me or maybe it was just the exhaustion of having a newborn. No one else was here at the moment. That meant it was pretty much a miracle that she had managed to get some shuteye and no surprise that she didn't wake up by the sound of me calling her name. A deep breath pushed out through my nose. I didn't want to wake her yet, even if I was dying to hold her and to kiss her.

But that was just because there was one other in the house that I was dying to hold and kiss, one that I hadn't seen in two weeks. The last time I had held him had been to tell him goodbye, and now, I was getting to rescind that. There would never be another goodbye between us. I would do everything in my power to make sure of that.

Climbing up the steps to the second floor of the house slowly, I heard my mom come in after me. I glanced over my shoulder to give her a soft smile and pressed a single finger to my lips, tilting my head toward April so she didn't accidentally wake her up. Then, I refocused on my mission. Even if I hadn't been inside the nursery with Noah yet, I knew exactly where it was. A painstaking effort had been put into making it as perfect as we could with what little we had.

"Hey, my little man…" I whispered quietly as I pushed open the nursery door a few more hairs so that I could slip into the room, shutting the door behind me in case he woke up and became noisy.

Moving forward, I peered over the nursery to look at my son. He was bigger than the first time I saw him. Already, Noah had grown. There were a few thin tufts of hair on top of his head – they had been there before, but they seemed to be a little thicker now. He was swaddled up in a pale yellow blanket but one of his arms had managed to escape, tiny fist bent up by his head. He snored just a little bit – just like April did, and I couldn't help but let out an airy chuckle. He was picking up from her quickly. There were tears in my eyes again already. I never thought that I would get a moment like this with him. Now, I had a future full of them. Snores and all.

"You're getting so big already." Soft words continued as I reached down into the crib to pick him up.

Noah gave a slight twist inside of his swaddle as he woke up and realized that he was being picked up. I wasn't April – but he had a lot of strangers in and out of the house lately, or people who had at least started off as strangers, so hopefully, he wouldn't put up too much of a fight. A single little noise of protest was given before he fell mostly quiet again. He stared at me with wide eyes for a moment, the same eyes that I had seen looking back at me in the mirror my entire life. Light, somewhere between blue and green. Most babies were born with light eyes, but I hoped he didn't change too much given April's eyes were their own beautiful shade of green, too. Taking a deep breath, I held him against my chest, supporting his head with one hand.

I could feel him gurgle and spit up slightly against my chest and I don't mind, shutting my eyes for a moment and just standing there, holding him secure but careful not to be too tight in my grip. He was a perfect little weight in my arms, maybe eight, ten pounds. We would have to find a real, still functioning scales one of these days. Numbers didn't matter though. I could feel in my heart that he was perfect and healthy.

"I'm never going to let a thing in the world come between us, okay? I promise." My hand rubbed up and down his back. "I'm going to be here for everything from now on. I'm going to be a good dad to you. I promise. I'll be the best dad that I can. I didn't have one growing up and I don't want to do that to you. Maybe I've got a lot to learn, but I'll do my best." Tears burned in my eyes. "I'm going to make sure that you know everything you need to know. I'll teach you everything I can. Every step of the way, I'm going to be there. Even when you don't want me to. Because I'm sure if you're anything like me, there are going to be plenty of moments where you hate having your parents around. But you'll have to suck it up, just like I did. 'Cause I'm going to be there for you, Noah. For you and for your mom. Till the day I really die. But that's not going to be any time soon."

No, nowhere in the near future. It would be a long time from now.

Breathing in that smell that could only be defined as a baby, I just stood there for a few minutes. He fell back asleep in my arm easily. I could have stayed right there for the rest of my life, holding my son and refusing to put him down for anything else in the world.

Well, almost anything else.

Just a bit of noise was coming up from downstairs which meant that April must have woken up. Taking in one more deep inhale, I bent forward and slowly placed Noah down in his crib again, not wanting to move too fast or jar him awake again. Once he was down and had his arm tucked back inside of the swaddled blanket again, I rested my hand on his chest for a moment, feeling the steady rise and fall of his chest as he slept.

It takes longer than expected before I was able to take a step back and leave the nursery to join the love of my life and my mother downstairs. Two weeks I had missed out on all of his little moments. Even if it hadn't all been glamorous and as peaceful as this moment was, I still wished that I had been there for every moment of it. I knew it had been hard on April to balance things with him on her own. It would have been hard for anyone, no matter how strong and resilient they were. But she had pulled through like she always did. She was just that amazing.

Moving down the hallway and toward the stairwell, I can start to hear their voices and words more distinguishable than before. Both of them were talking about me and my improving condition and I reflexively rolled my eyes at it, even though I knew that both of them meant well. But Mom would not have let me near her grandson even if there was a slim chance of me getting him sick. I knew that. I wouldn't have let myself, either. Everything was about him now.

"My ears are burning," I remarked as I reached the bottom step.

"Jackson!" April cried out.

Her arms wrapped around my neck as her body slammed into mine and I returned the hug with even more strength, wrapping both arms around her slim waist and lifting her off the floor without too much effort, spinning her around in a circle. She let out a laugh that I could feel reverberate against me and I smiled, absorbing it all in eagerly.

"Hi, baby," I murmured as I set her down, pressing my lips against her forehead.

April didn't settle for the forehead kiss, though. Her hands cupped my face and she pulled me down toward her. I happily complied and met her lips in a fierce kiss, sucking her bottom between my own and running my tongue across it. She still tasted just as sweet as ever, lips still as soft as they had always been. Even though so much had changed, there are still some things that are the same, and kissing her is one of them. I knew it better than I knew most other things in the world and I certainly didn't want that to change.

"You're okay," she murmured when our lips finally separated again, not letting go of my face yet. "You're really here again and you're okay. Thank you, God. Thank you. Gosh, I can't believe that you're okay."

"Yeah, I am," I nodded my head, giving her one more kiss before straightening up slightly and looking down at her. "I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. I promise."

For a moment, neither one of us said a word as we just held onto each other. It was unreal that we were having a moment like this when two weeks ago, there had been a gun mere inches away from my head and I had accepted the fact that it would be our last minute together. What I had asked her to do… it was unfair. Hindsight made that much clear to me. I could never ask her to do something like that again. I had known from nearly the beginning that I would have never been able to do something like that to her. Asking her to do what I couldn't was right. Now, I could only hope that it would never come down to something like that again.

"Why don't I watch Noah for a little while and you two go get some fresh air?" My mom finally spoke up to remind the two of us that she was still in the room. I barely pulled away from April, my hand remaining on her hip and looking down at her.

"Yeah, that's a good idea," I murmured.

"Thank you, Catherine," April replied with a glance over at Mom.

Looping my arm around her slender waist, I pulled April in close to me as we stepped out the front door and down the porch steps. It was a big property – we didn't have to explore much of it to get in some fresh air and a little distance away from the house and barn. Some leftover corn had begun to grow, too, from seeds and whatnot left behind in prior planting seasons. It wasn't tall yet but it was nice to have there.

There was no rush between either one of us to say anything.

For that, well, I was grateful. too much of the last two years of my life had been spent rushing through one moment to the next, fighting to survive and not taking the time to just live in the moment. Most of my life had been like that, actually, even if it had never been to the same extreme. Now was the first time in my life I had really learned to live it. I would make sure that was something that I would keep up. It was something that we would teach Noah, too. He would be better than both of us, even if neither one of us could guarantee that he would have it better in terms of luxury as a child. Modesty would be necessary, something that I was still learning from time to time. But he would be a good kid. A smart, grateful child, just like his mom.

"Do you have any idea just how much I love you?" My hand rubbed up and down along her arm.

"Do you have any idea how much I love you?" April returned the question, looking up at me.

I did. There wasn't an ounce in my being that doubted she loved me just as fully and deeply as I loved her. She had been willing to do something that would have caused herself so much agony because it was what I had asked her to do. Maybe I could blame it on the fact that the ever had made me a bit delirious at the worst of it, but I knew that it was more than that. It was just me. I'd had a different way of going through things with all of this, and I was still learning to be a little more like her. To have a little more hope. But I knew that having her and Noah was going to make all of that easier going forward.

"Yeah." I nodded and took a deep breath. "Yeah, I do, April. You would have killed me because it was what I asked you to do no matter how painful it would have been for you. You put me above yourself. And I'm sorry, April. I am so sorry that I asked you to do that and I would have hurt you by having you do that." No apology would ever really begin to cover it.

She stopped walking, turning toward me. My arm dropped away from her side.

"Promise me that you'll never ask me to do something like that again." April requested.

"I promise, April. I promise. I never want to be in that position again and even if we somehow have bad enough luck for it to happen again, I will never ask you to do something like that. I love you. And you're right. You've been right this entire time even if I haven't always been willing to see it. There's a better way to do this. Even if things…. things and surviving and actually living again seemed impossible for such a long time. Before I met you and even after knowing you, just for a little while." I shook my head, glancing up at the sky for a moment. "But now I know better. I know that they're not. Because of you, I know that. And so many other people are going to get the chance to know that, too. Noah. But not just him. Everyone here. You have changed so many lives for the better, baby."

"I love you, Jackson." Her voice was hardly more than an emotional whisper as she stepped toward me, and I reached out, cupping her face. "I love you so much and I love Noah so much. Thank you for finding me. I used to pray for someone like you. A reason, a sign that I was on the right path. I prayed to God every night before running into you. And He gave me you. I can't believe anything else, other than you are an angel sent by God himself."

An airy chuckle barely passed through my lips, opportunity limited as I bent down to kiss her again. This time, it's a sweet kiss, not the same favored passion of missing her for weeks, but a simple intimacy and reconnection of finding each other again and getting on the same page.

"I think if one of us is an angel, it's you." I chuckled. "But let's head back to the house, okay? There's something I want to show you in the truck, actually."

My fingers connected with her as I took her hand and we took our time strolling back in the direction of the house. I was surprised that she hadn't accidentally stumbled upon my surprise before, given that she normally sat in the passenger seat of the truck whenever we drove somewhere together and that was the seat that I had stowed it under, but I was grateful to have the opportunity to show it to her now. I wasn't sure what would have happened to it if I didn't have this opportunity. She would have found it eventually, I was sure.

Reaching the truck, April gave me a curious look with her brows furrowed, and I held up one finger silently to ask her for a little bit of patience. Opening up the passenger side door, I moved the seat back slightly and pulled out the stuffed bunny and the book, holding it out to her.

"I was saving these to surprise you for when Noah was born, but we got a little distracted," I explained.

"Oh…" she breathed out, a smile breaking her cheeks open as she stepped toward me. "Jackson… what...?"

"I got the bunny when we found out that you were pregnant. Before we knew for sure, technically," I admitted. "When we were at the pharmacy and you were inside the bathroom waiting for the test results, there was this little guy just sitting on the shelves. I guess it was from Easter stuff or something the year before. I don't know. But… I wanted to make sure that our baby at least had something soft, especially since it was just a handful of us back then, you know? We didn't know that we'd have what we have now. I wanted him to have a toy." I was getting more emotional than I intended explaining it, chewing at my lower lip.

Not quite as emotional as April, though. Tears had broken through in her gaze and one slipped down her face as she took the stuffed animal from my hand and held it against her chest with a tight squeeze. I smiled back at her before continuing to speak.

"And the book, well, that's a little more obvious. I know that we're supposed to have a town library and borrow from there and that it was my idea and everything, but uh… I don't know. I wanted him to have something for himself. Something more than the old Kepner family Bible, no offense, you know how I feel about that. It's not much but I still wanted to do something." I held out the book to her.

"The Wonderful Wizard of Oz," April smiled fondly as she read the title out loud. "I loved that movie growing up. Everyone always forgets that the word wonderful is in the original book title."

"I didn't know it myself, to be honest," I chuckled. "I saw the movie a couple of times growing up but never actually read the book till later. I thought… I don't know. Sometimes it feels like we're in a world of our own, you know? Certainly not in Kansas anymore. Doesn't really feel like Ohio or anywhere else that I've ever known, at least."

"Yeah," she agreed. "Even though this was my home… everything feels different. But now, at least, the different is better. I had a good childhood but I wasn't always a happy kid. Just… because. But now, in a weird way, I'm happy. I have you and a baby boy that I love more than anything else in the world. And I've made a difference. A real difference here." A smile grew across her features. "It feels like home now more than it ever has. Which shouldn't make any sense, and yet…"

"And yet it does." I finished her sentence.

"Yeah, it does," she nodded her head. "I probably owe credit to you for that."

"Nope, you did this all on your own." I leaned down, kissing the top of her head.

Letting April hold onto the stuffed bunny and the book in her hands, we made our way from the truck back up to the house. Noah was already awake when we walked in again, Mom holding him in her arms as she sat on the couch and rocking him back and forth gently. I could tell that she was just as enamored by the little boy as I was. He was absolutely beautiful in every way possible, there was no doubt about that. He had won over the heart of everyone who saw him almost instantaneously. No one was immune to his charm.

"Do you mind if we take a little family time with our boy, Mom?" I questioned with a soft smile.

"No, I think you're much overdue for it. I'll go lay down for a bit." Mom stood up and handed my son over to me. I couldn't get over the fact that this little guy really was mine. He looked like me a bit, I thought. That was my nose, at least. I knew that much.

April and I sat down on the couch together and she leaned against me. Carefully shifting Noah so that I could hold him securely with just one arm and my chest, my newly freed arm wrapped around her shoulders and pulled her in just a little bit closer to me.

This was perfect. This was everything that I never thought I was going to have and everything that I wanted to have for the rest of my life with her. I could already picture us with a hoard of children. That was something that I had never done before. Even though I had always figured that one day I would have a kid or two of my own, two had been pretty much the limit. But with her and our life together, I could see us with enough kids to fill a baseball team. It didn't matter as long as it was me and her. Hadn't we already proven that we could handle anything life had to throw at us?

I certainly thought that we had. She had handled everything with poise and grace. At the end of the world, she had gotten pregnant and dealt with a husband who should have been dead. Yet here both Noah and myself were, in good health, surviving to see the next day because of her resilience. Some credit was owed to my mom of course, too, but at the end of the day, it felt like everything was owed to her. She hadn't given up on me. Without a doubt, it was her kindness and strength that had influenced those who had brought the medicine to do so instead of just allowing me to die. She was a star. She was the one who people had faith in, who brought everyone together and inspired them to do better. I had chosen a truly extraordinary woman to fall in love with.

"You've done such a good job with him, April. Thank you. Thank you for being so strong." Even though I was speaking to her, I can't pull my gaze away from our little boy. He was awake and gurgling, looking between the two of us with absolute fascination.

"Thank you for living." She replied, her hand on my thigh and giving it a squeeze.

"I'd do anything for you two. You should know that."

I meant it, too.


	18. Epilogue

A/N: Some of you noticed the last two chapters didn't make sense. Kudos! It wasn't supposed to line up. You should have been really confused and just a bit skeptical.

* * *

 ** _APRIL_**

"What's going on?" I questioned loudly.

The gun was now shaking in my hand. I was trying to keep a steady grip on it as I looked over toward those who had approached. Jackson was putting more people at risk now by being alive, whoever his woman was and Bailey. There was no reason that Bailey would be here while Jackson was still sick. She had sent others here to check on his condition but had never actually come himself.

Before I know it, the tension in my body is too much and my hand squeezes just a little too tight. The gun goes off.

There's a sound that I've never heard before and I don't even realize that it had come from myself before I see the sight before me. Jackson was on the ground. The gun was still shaking in my hands. There was blood pooling behind him. It sounds like an animal was being taken out for slaughter but there's no animal in the immediate vicinity. Instead, it's just me. Pain ripped me in half and I can't breathe, suddenly it's not just my hands and my gun shaking but my entire body ready to fall apart and collapse. I can't breathe. I can't stop the noise leaving my lips, theater agony expressed in such a painful way. It's just there.

Then, it's not.

Everything's okay. Jackson's not dead. He's in the barn and he's getting better. It's two weeks of waiting around and taking care of the baby but Jackson was going to be fine and that was the only thing in the world that mattered. He would come home and hug me, kiss me, wrap me up in his arms and make me forget about every little bit of pain that had ever been inside of my body. He would heal my wounds. People would help out while he was in there, Owen and Callie and the others, but then it'd just be the two of us again, waiting on out baby, watching him fall asleep in the crib at night. Everything would be normal between us. That's all there would be to it.

Noah's eyes finally fall shut and his breathing evened out completely to indicate that he really was asleep, we were careful to slip out of the nursery. The door to the room had to remain open to help sound travel given that we didn't have any baby monitors, but he had certainly developed a pair of lungs.

"So, are you going to tell me why you're mad at me?" Jackson asked as we collapsed onto the bed together.

"Because I almost lost you," I answered simply, chewing at my lower lip as I looked at him.

"You know that I would have done anything to…" he started, but I interrupted him.

"No. No, Jackson. You asked me to do something that was impossible. Something that you wouldn't have been willing to do yourself. And I am so, so glad that everything managed to work out despite that – that your mother arrived when she did and not the next day because… I don't know what I would have done otherwise. I'm grateful. But I still just have that little seed of anger." I explained, wetting my lips.

Jackson stared at me for a long moment as he processed my words. "I'm so sorry, April. It's not fair that this happened to us. That it happened to you. I'm not as strong as you are. I've always known that even if you haven't. You're the strongest woman that I know. You really are."

"No, I'm not." He swiped away a tear that fell from my eyelids as I spoke. "Not strong enough for that."

"It's never going to happen again, baby, I promise." His hand wrapped around my forearm, bringing his wrist to his lips and placing a kiss on it. "I promise. Nothing is ever going to bring us apart again. Me, you, and Noah against everything else in the world. And however many other babies we have after that. Because seeing that little boy? Man. Oh, man. We've got have another. We can't just have one. He's amazing, even if he doesn't know me just yet. I guess I don't really know much about him either as of now, but I know that he's amazing. Because you are and you've been taking care of him."

Somehow, Jackson knew just the right words to say to take that ache in my heart and coddle it. I smiled at him for a moment before shutting my eyes and curling up against his chest in a little ball, letting his arms wrap around me. He pulled me in closer to his chest and I stayed there quietly for a minute, playing his words through my head one more time. He really was my soulmate. He knew exactly what to do for me.

"A girl," I replied, rubbing his chest gently. "I want to have a girl next. I know we can't control the gender but I don't care. That's what I want."

"We'll have all the damn girls you want."

Curled up against me, he felt absolutely perfect in every way. When he made love to me there's nothing else in the world except for me and him. There was never anything else in the world except for the two of us and our all too perfect baby boy, sleeping soundly in the other room, undisturbed by the rest of the world. The feel of his breath on the back of my neck was warmth and even with each breath that he takes, all of them steady as could be. Strong but not too strong, an indicator that he was in good health. Everything about him screamed good health. He was strong and the right temperature, breathing evenly as could be.

There's a soft beeping. It was the only thing intruding on the perfect little moment between the two of us. Mostly consistent. There was something familiar about the steadiness. It didn't quite line up with how he was breathing against me, nor the rise and fall of his chest behind me. There was something wrong.

Something was wrong.

Suddenly, Jackson was gone. There was no warmth enveloping me and bringing me comfort despite the tragedy that had been my life for the past few weeks. I'm alone and I'm cold, just me in the bed, flat on my back and splayed out instead of curled up comfortably like before. There's no breath against the back of my neck to remind me that he's there for me like he was always meant to be. I was alone. I was utterly and completely alone in the world. The gun had gone off. It was my fault that I was alone. That stupid beeping was still there. It wouldn't go away and I couldn't tune it out no matter how hard I tried. The more I listened to it, the louder and faster, that it seemed to get with each passing moment.

"Stop it. Stop it." I mumbled, squeezing my eyes tightly and trying to push it out of my head. The pounding was there and suddenly the exhaustion, too. "Stop it!" Repeating it doesn't change a thing about the situation. If only. Every resistance that I put up to it only seemed to make it even worse.

Something was holding me down. I could feel it wrapped around my wrist but I couldn't see it. My eyes weren't open. They were too heavy. Everything was too heavy, from my head to my toes, but nothing so heavy as my hands, the one thing that I was trying harder than anything to move. Whatever it was, I wanted to shut that incessant beeping off and get some peace. I wanted to bring him back. I needed Jackson to be back.

"April! April, calm down." Suddenly, there's a voice.

It's not the one that I want to hear. It's not Jackson and his soothing tone to pull me away from the panic that edged along my system and bring me back down into the right state of mind, to hold me and assure me that everything was going to be alright. But it was still a familiar voice. Owen's voice.

"April, you've got to calm down, okay?" Owen continued to speak. A few moments pass before my eyes open.

I'm not exactly sure where I am upon opening my eyes and looking around. It wasn't my house and it didn't really look like anywhere in Moline but I hadn't seen a lot of what had been renovated given how pregnant I had been, I hadn't been much help to them. It could have been somewhere. There was a machine next to me. A heart rate monitor – that was the source of the beeping, still going steadily, faster than before. That was why he wanted me to calm down. I sucked in a deep breath and it doesn't bring it down just yet, mouth opening and realizing how dry it was.

"W–" I tried to speak, rasping out short syllables. "Where am I? Where's Jackson? My baby?"

"Take a deep breath, okay?" Owen instructed me. I sucked in another deep one, wetting chapped lips. "The best thing that you can do right now is to just stay calm. Callie and Arizona have been watching Noah. He's in good hands, I promise, they love him. He's in really good hands. You don't need to be worried about him."

"What about Jackson?" One questioned answered. Two more to go.

He paused and took a deep breath, glancing away. My gaze followed him. No one else was there, there was no sight of Jackson. The panic was beginning to pick up again. "What do you remember about what happened?" That was the last thing that I wanted to hear. That meant there was something that he didn't want to tell me.

"We were in bed." I murmured. "We were in bed together. He was okay. The medication had been working and he wasn't contagious so he was back in the house with me again."

Owen's brow furrowed as I answered, wrinkling his forehead completely. My expression began to mimic his as I watched him attempt to piece together the information that I had said. Sure, he hadn't been there to witness it himself, but there shouldn't have been anything about what I had said that would confuse him. It made sense for what would happen after he became better. It was our personal and private business, mostly, but I wasn't afraid to share it with him. Owen knew how in love we were.

"April… none of that happened." Owen began slowly.

"What are you talking about?" I lashed back quickly. The beeping picked up faster again. "Of course that happened. I was there. You weren't, how would you know?" I accused him quickly.

"April, you've been here. This is Bailey's place. We had to make some modifications to make it a hospital room. Catherine Avery and Mark Sloan have been looking after both you and Jackson." He began to explain, but the more that he said, the less that things made sense. "When you pulled the trigger, you shot Jackson. It took his ear off his head. He was in a coma for a couple of days, but he's awake now. How did you know about the medication that he was on?"

I stared at him, dumbfounded by what he had said. That didn't match up with a single thing. "No, no…" I began, shaking my head. "That's not possible. I–I know that Catherine brought the medicine and gave it to him. He's better." It didn't make any sense.

"I'm sorry that I have to be the one to tell you all of this," Owen began again. "You… I don't really know how to explain what happened to you, to be honest. I'm not a doctor. But you had an extreme reaction after you realized that you shot him. It looked like PTSD to me, but… something more than I what I saw with other soldiers, you know? I've never seen something so immediate like that." My head continued to shake with every word that he said. "They decided to sedate you. We tried to wake you up a few times but you were pretty violent each time. We thought that maybe it would be better to wait until Jackson was a bit better, you know, so you could… see that and not react in the same way that you've been."

All I could do was stare at him as I tried to process everything he was saying. I had shot Jackson. Jackson… apparently no longer had an ear because I had shot him. That was my fault. He had been in a coma as a result – maybe from the wound, maybe from hitting his head, I didn't know. That was my fault, too. This sedation of my own was my fault, too. What wasn't?

"I don't… I don't know what to say…" I shook my head. "This doesn't make any sense."

"I'm sorry." He repeated himself. "This has been hard for everyone. But Jackson's recovered."

"Can I see him?" Maybe then things would make sense.

"Yeah, okay." Owen nodded.

A hand was extended to me and he helped me get up from the bed. I was a little unsteady on my own legs. Even if it hadn't been two weeks of recovery for Jackson in the barn, I apparently had been in this bed for a little longer than I realized. But I can straighten my knees and my spine. Whatever it took to see him again, I could do it. He deserved that much.

Owen guided me down the hallway to the house and I recognize it but I can't put a name on whoever's house it had been. That didn't really matter. The past was the past. I'm slow to make my way down the steps of the house.

When I do, there's no logic to be found. It doesn't really matter though because I can see him. His back was to me and he didn't realize that I was in the room yet but I could see the bandage covering what had once been his left ear. It was flat against his head. The ear must have been completely gone. Mark was in the room with him. Bailey wasn't anywhere to be seen, but I was sure that all of this had caused a bit of fuss in the town for her, and she had a lot to take care of now.

"Jackson?" I croaked out, hoping that he could hear me.

He turned around quickly upon hearing my voice, his eyes wide. I stared at him for a moment, questioning whether or not this was real. The past two weeks hadn't been, apparently. Nothing more than how I wanted things to be, not how they actually were. That hurt to think about.

"Hi," I whispered out.

Although he had been the one shot, I'm suddenly the one who feels weak and hurt as Jackson crashed into me and tapped his arms around my frame, pulling me into him. Suddenly, everything's okay. Even if what I had thought happened had been nothing more than an imaginative, optimistic figure… he was okay. He was alive. So was I. It may have been the end of the world, but it wasn't the end of our lives. We still had all of that left in front of us. One part of my dream had been right.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry, Jackson. I don't know what happened. I don't know how it happened." The apologies began to tumble from my lips. "I couldn't do something like that and it just… I don't know. I don't remember what happened. I thought things were fine." I was sobbing against his chest.

"It's okay now, April. It's okay." Jackson's hand rubbed up and down, rubbing circles in my back as if he was the one who had hurt me. "Guys, do you mind giving us a minute, please?" He requested.

"I'm so sorry," I repeated.

Both Mark and Owen cleared out from the room to leave us be and I clutched onto him harder. Yet at the same time, it almost felt like I shouldn't have been touching him at all. I had caused him hard. With so much going on, I had been the thing to nearly kill him. Not tuberculosis, not some stranger hunting to survive, not Bailey trying to put the best interests of everyone else above us… it had been me, at the end of the day, me and no one else.

More tears slipped out of my eyes and I took a deep breath, trying to stop them. I couldn't, though. They kept coming no matter what I tried to do to stop them. Jackson pulled back from me and wiped the tears away with my thumb as he looked down at me. He dropped his head down, tilting forward and resting his forehead on mine.

"I had this dream, you know, while I was in the coma." Jackson murmured.

"Me too." I breathed out. "Well, not a coma. But you know what I mean." I corrected myself.

"I had this dream that everything was fine. That the trigger didn't go off and we were happy. I got past being sick and we were great parents. You, you were awesome, April. You did so good with Noah while I was sick." Jackson continued to speak. It's similar. It's too similar to my own, actually.

"I had the same dream." I murmured, brows furrowed slightly though there was a pull of a smile on my lips for the first time since waking up. "We were happy. We were so happy." That was all that I had ever wanted to be with him.

"Mutual dreaming. It's just like Inception." Jackson chuckled.

"I never saw that movie," I admitted.

"I hate that you just said that." Real laughter spilled from his lips as he straightened up, though he doesn't back away from me, his arms looping around my waist and pulling my hips up against his. "It doesn't matter. Mutual dreaming is a recorded phenomenon outside of the movie. Twins, usually, but it's been recorded between close family members and lovers, too." He recited it off as if it was the most simple thing in the world, nothing odd about it.

I smiled up at him. "So soulmates can share dreams?" I asked.

"Soulmates can share dreams. Just like soulmates can forgive each other for freaking out and accidentally pulling the trigger on each other." He smiled at me.

"I'm so sorry, Jackson." How many times could I say the words?

"I know. And I forgive you." Jackson looked down at me with a sincere look in his seafoam blue eyes, thumbs slipping beneath my shirt. I wondered how long I had been in these clothes, how long it had been since that had happened. How old was my sweet baby boy? "You're going to have to forgive yourself, too."

Shaking my head, I sighed. "I don't care as long as you're alright." I reached up for his face, cupping it and running my thumb across his cheek. He was warm and firm. Real.

"I do. Forgive yourself, because I forgive you and I love you, okay? That's important to me." He repeated.

"How about we just go home and I'll forgive myself later, okay? Please. I just want to go home with you and have it be real. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and have it be real. That's all I want. That's what I need."

He was what I needed, ultimately. There was almost nothing more important to me than that and the only thing that topped him on the list was our son because I knew that was what he would want me to put first. That was what he wanted in my dream, at least. Maybe it was what he had dreamed about too. I would ask eventually. I wanted to know just how similar our dreams were. Was it a sign that we were meant to be together?

It didn't matter if it was or wasn't. I didn't need a sign to know that he was the love of my life and my soulmate on absolutely every level, that nothing in the world would ever compare to what the two of us had together. That he completed me and filled me in places I hadn't even realized were empty. He was my other half and I hadn't even realized that I was missing it until he was there, until I had to imagine life without him. I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it without him. Maybe that was why my mind, even in the darkest time and darkest possible moment, had chosen to neglect reality and instead make its own construct out of what it knew that I wanted and needed. He was always protecting me, one way or another, consciously or subconsciously, passively or actively. Jackson was always there.

"I love you, Jackson." I murmured, looking up at him with wide eyes. "I love you so much."

"I love you too, April." He returned the words without hesitation. "Now let's go home to our baby."

His hand connected with mine and our fingers interlaced together. I took a deep breath. Our life was fine and our life was just beginning, in one twisted, funny way. Maybe we were down an ear and a little bit of sanity between the two of us, but what didn't have, the other would help to fill in the gaps. That was what soulmates were good for, after all. We had our son to take care of, a town to be a part of, a community to make a legacy of. There was still so much left of our life to be lived and that couldn't be thrown away for anything else in the world. None of that could be forgotten or neglected going forward, and none of it would be.

* * *

A/N: Thus, Back to Stardust is complete! For explanation: much of chapter sixteen, and all of chapter seventeen, were dream sequences. Imagine them italicized. I couldn't format it that way originally without giving it away.

Thank you all for sticking with this story and seeing it through to the end. Please leave a review and let me know what you thought!


	19. Outtake 1

_Set in the time skip in chapter 10._

* * *

 ** _JACKSON_**

Waking up during the brutish winter was consistently due to one or two things.

Functioning alarm clocks were a thing of the past and now that it was the coldest time of the year, the sun came up at an hour that was significantly more tolerable for a natural wakeup call. It was a frequent contender for ending my rest in the morning but it wasn't the only contender. Just as often, April was more than enough to get me up, intentionally or unintentionally. She was a bit of a restless sleeper. She could fall asleep curled up against me but there was rarely a time where she would wake up in the same position. Normally she liked to sleep on her stomach, but now she was scared to do so with the baby inside of her.

This particular morning when my eyes finally bank themselves open and awake, the back of April's elbow is the first thing that I see. I let out a huff of amusement as I squint past it to examine the position that she's gotten herself into. She's half on her back and half on her side, a throw pillow tucked under her hips and one leg above the covers. There was no way she should be comfortable like that, if nothing else, from the sheer brutality of the cold temperature outside that seeped into the house. Being up this far north and close to the lake during the winter was brutal enough years ago. But now without any kind of heater, the best that we could hope for was keeping the doors shut, a small accumulation of body heat, and the fireplace for the daytime. An extra blanket was on the bed now from before, but there's only so much of a difference it can really make.

Judging from the little whiny noise that her nose made as she inhaled, April was still asleep. She was just as quiet as she was still during the night, despite her many attempts to deny the fact that she snored. It rarely woke me up. It did occasionally make it a little more difficult to fall asleep after she did, though.

I leaned forward slightly and placed a small kiss on her elbow. April didn't move or respond to it. Letting out a small huff of amusement, I played another just beside it and a third a little higher up her arm. This seemed to wake up her nerves a little more before as she gave a small shift and pulled the sheets slightly as her hips turned. Eventually, I can hear a sigh fall from her lips that indicated that she was awake.

"Good morning," I murmured, wrapping my arm gently around her growing waist and pulling her closer to me.

"Mm," she grunted out. "Hi."

My hand stretched across the growing bump on her stomach. Now that there was beginning to be some visible proof of the wonderful little life that she was carrying inside of her, I was obsessed with her body. April had always been beautiful and I had always enjoyed her body, even when I hadn't really known her – she was all soft curves, supple breasts that fit pleasantly in my hands and sensitive everywhere in a way that would make any guy absolutely crazy when they fell into bed with her. But this is different, a much deeper appreciation. The growing curve was the most important part of her. Her cheeks had softened a bit and her nipples were a few shades of pink darker than before, but it was her belly that I was truly obsessed with.

April was small and skinny which was perhaps the only reason that the little bulge in her stomach seemed to stick out as much as it did. The dead of winter and she couldn't have been more than four months along, yet my hand could easily sculpt outwore our child was and hold it. Slipping my hand under her shirt, she squealed in protest from the temperature of it.

"No, no," she protested, squirming away from me and the leg on top of the covers kicking out. Shifting onto my back to free my other arm, I take advantage of it and pull her on top of me with her back pressed against my chest, both cold hands pressed against her stomach. "You're so cold!"

"Because someone's a blanket hog," I replied, blowing a stream of cold air across her ear.

"Not fair," April whined. "Let me at least get under the covers."

"You did that all too yourself," I chuckled but loosened up my grip enough so that she could adjust and pull the sheets over the both of us, pulling them up high so that she was covered to her shoulders. "I don't know how you manage to fall asleep the way you do."

"I think being pregnant is supposed to excuse any kind of weirdness," she brushed off.

"Well, what if you were weird before you were pregnant? What then?" I teased.

April groaned dramatically. "Then I need an extra patient partner." She decided. "Also, you are kind of the worst body pillow. You're too hard and muscular." Another adjustment was given against me and I can't help but grunt as her ass shifted right across my crotch. It's hard to know whether that was intentional or not but it's a sure fire way to wake a certain part of me up.

"Alright, alright," I conceded and let her go. She slipped off of me, curling right up against me. My hand didn't hesitate to find its way to her stomach again.

"You're not expecting to feel anything there, are you?" She asked, hazel eyes looking up at me. "I can't yet."

"No," I shook my head. "It's just impossible to keep my hands off of you," I confessed.

"I'm fat and bloated," she whined.

"Uh-uh." I clucked my tongue. "Don't talk shit about my baby mama. Or my baby."

This time, I was the one who was moving around as I slithered down her body and beneath the blankets just enough that I could put my face on par with that growing belly. I kissed her stomach over her clothing this time, giving her a break from some of the coldness. Anyone else and it might have been the question of whether she was really pregnant, or if she had just put on weight. But it was a powerful feeling to know that it was my kid that she was growing inside of her. Powerful and humbling.

Her stomach doesn't move beyond the slight rise and fall that came with her breathing, and I was okay with that. There was still months to go down the road together and I was ur that plenty of it would be filled with movement inside of her, that she would let me feel it and let me know when she could feel it. That was a day that I could wait for. But for now, there was still stuff I could do.

"Hey, little guy," I commented, glancing up at April. "Or girl." I amended. "I know that you can hear me in there, even if you can't exactly say or do anything in response. That's okay. You can just listen, 'cause I know your mom and I are going to have to do a lot of listening to you in the future." I rubbed the bottom of the swell of her stomach gently. "Just wanted to check in on you, make sure you know who I am. 'Cause I'm your dad, so you're kind of gonna know me and this voice your whole life. May as well get started with it pretty early." I kissed her stomach softly.

"You're a dork," April murmured affectionately.

"That just means that you're rubbing off on me and our baby is going to be a super-dork." I laughed.

"Don't be mean!" She retorted.

"I'm not," I replied quickly. "We're going to have one of those super-genius babies. You know, done with high school by twelve, college by fifteen. That's going to be our kind of dorky baby." Even if the world that we lived in wasn't that black and white anymore.

April was quiet for a moment before she spoke. "I was the youngest intern in my class."

"Really?" I asked.

"Yeah," she nodded. "Moline was small and the schools here weren't so great, so I ended up skipping a grade. Then in college, I did a combined BS-MD program that was in seven years, so I was twenty-four when I graduated med school. People called me fetus. It didn't help that I looked young, too."

"You still do," I commented. "I didn't know that. I guess that just solidifies that our baby is going to be a little genius. What was the rush for?" I questioned curiously.

"I don't know," she shrugged. "I guess I was just eager to get my life started. I had things that I wanted to do, plans… even if I didn't really follow through on most of them." Her lips pressed together in a thin line briefly. "Life has a funny way of working itself out.

"What did you want?" Another question, finding myself enamored by every detail of her life.

She fell quiet again, this time longer than before. "Normal. I wanted to have a job that I loved and that inspired me but allowed me to have time to raise kids, too. Two boys and a girl." April smiled fondly as she thought back. "I didn't have a thought about a husband, you know, but… I knew that I wanted three adorable little babies to dote on."

"You can still have that part," I reminded her as I rubbed her belly gently. "You're almost one-third there."

"I guess I am," April smiled down at me as I kissed her belly again. "What about you?"

"I was not the youngest in my class. But I was the best." I chuckled confidently. "I wanted both, too. Love and surgery. I never saw myself with a big family but I definitely saw myself with a family. A girl and a boy always sounded pretty nice. I always wanted to be able to balance both too." I hadn't been too far into the path of having both – secure in my career but still dancing around with relationships, not able to find one woman that I really loved and could see myself settled down with. Not until now.

Life really did have a funny way of working itself out.

"I guess we both got something," she commented. "Gosh, it's so cold."

"C'mere," I murmured as I shifted up again and wrapped myself around her, hoping to pass some of my body heat onto her. Cold had become relatively normal, all things considered.

My nose pressed into the back of her neck and rubbed against the baby hairs there as I drew her in against my chest and let out a content sigh. She was warm even if she complained about being cold. It had been a few days since either one of us showered given how painfully cold that could be and yet somehow, she still smelled good – a much more natural way than the perfumes and other fancy fragrances, just something natural and pleasant. There wasn't a specific word to describe it but all I could associate it with was her.

"Just think, a year from now we'll be cuddling with a little baby between us," April spoke.

"Mmhm," I hummed in agreement. "I'll have to deal with two girls snoring."

"More like I'll be dealing with two boys snoring." She retorted.

I pressed a kiss into the side of her neck. "How about you lay here a little longer, and I'll get a fire going so we can cook some lunch? As nice as it would be to stay in bed with you all day, you're still eating for two." I reminded her.

"Okay," she agreed with a slight nod of her head. "Don't take too long." She requested.

"I won't." I got out of bed, bending down once more to kiss her forehead. "I love you."

"I love you too, Jackson."


End file.
